Pirate School

Matilda watched the boys in the yard as they practiced their chosen skill. Usually, it was one passed down from their fathers and in the academy, they would hone that skill as well as learn the others and the history of their ancestors. Billy Blackbeard clashed swords with Randolf the Ripper. Wee Willy (he would later change the moniker to Big Bill) Watkins was waterboarding Eli the Eel, who himself was attempting to escape his ropey bonds at the same time. Razorblade Bob threw razorsharp knives with lightning speed at a series of straw dummies hung from ropes that Vinnie the Vile pulled, making them swing.

This was the day before school started…the school for pirates.

The Silverkill Academy was on a hundred and twenty-foot-long ship with two masts. It had belonged to Billy’s father, one of the most famous of all pirates, and would belong to Billy after he completed the academy.

It was a boys’ only academy. Matilda had cut off her long golden braids and carried herself with a swagger in boys’ dungarees. She’d completed the disguise with plenty of dirt. Pirates were a soiled and stinking lot and to fit in, she’d even rolled in horse manure because her female body exuded too delicate an odor when she sweated. She had asked the horse if it wouldn’t mind defecating for her and the stunned animal practically shat itself on the spot, shocked that a human could communicate with it.

That was her power. She could talk to animals.

The boys made fun of her because she couldn’t practice her skills in the yard. To them she was Matt. Just Plain Matt, though the mice had told her they called her Mumbling Matt behind her back. At swords, knives, torture, guns, she was okay and strived to do better. But it was hard being a nerd pirate; no one wanted to practice with her.

Wicked Pete, who at twelve, was already impressably sprouting red lip hairs stopped throwing knives at Inky the Squid whose chosen specialty was thievery, but all the boys knew it was his wicked-deadly, and silent, flatulation that named him. Pete (the mice called him Mustache Pete) pointed to the dock.

The instructors were boarding the ship and excitement hung in the air like fattening rainclouds preparing to unleash a deluge of refreshing, life giving rain upon a thirsty land. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stood in a line as the professors came on board. If they were impressed by the discipline the boys showed, they gave no indication. The three of them were bearded and grey and dressed in black robes. They wore rings on every finger of gold and gemstones that caught the afternoon sunlight and flashed tiny sparks like flint on steel. Chains of gold and platinum hung about their necks like mule’s collars that daintily tinkled. Matilda knew they wore the finery against the somber professor’s robes as a way of indicating what could be had- taken- from the world, if one desired it so.

“Well! Looks like a fine crew we have this year,” the tallest man in the middle of the three spoke when they stopped before the line of boys. He had a red macaw on his shoulder that bobbed in agreement. The line of seventeen boys (and one girl in disguise) puffed at the compliment and stood like soldiers, eager to be obedient and excited to be taught from such masters as these three retired pirates. The dorm room below was adorned with the wanted posters of all three. The tall middleman said to the first in line, Billy, “I remember your father, we dined together and shared whores on many occasions when I was just a greenie learning the ropes. It is a pleasure to have you aboard. I am Professor Silverkill and delight in training all of you.” His assessing gaze fell across the line of students and stopped at Matilda. A crease speared his forehead, but he snapped out of it a second later and began his assessment of that year’s students. “This is Paloma, she can answer any questions you have about sailing a ship such as this and questions are not only welcome… they are encouraged.”

Paloma nodded again and said, “Hello boys,” in a voice that sounded like a little girl’s. The boys giggled and Silverkill frowned.

Paloma laughed like a big fat villain. Silverkill ignored her and the boys laughed…until the pedagogue on Silverkill’s left struck the wooden deck with his staff and glared at the young pirates one by one. The gnarled staff had a silver fox’s skull at the top with a hinged jaw that snapped open and shut. The boys’ eyes grew large. This was all so terribly awe-inspiring.

The third professor took notes in a leather-bound journal, as the headmaster made his way down the line.

Silverkill stopped at Matilda. The rest of the boys were watching and no longer at military-like attention. Silverkill said, “And how is it someone as delicate as you should be here? What is your skill, boy?”

Matilda shivered on the inside and hoped it didn’t show outwards. Before she could answer, Pete said, “He’s crap at everything. He’s special cuz he talks to animals.” He’d made airquotes at the word special.

Billy said, “Yeah. Totally useless. Can’t fight worth shit…”

Just then an albatross flew over the deck of the ship. Matilda froze and followed the bird’s circling with her eyes. At last, she said, “Oh no…they’re here.”

The boys scoffed and snickered. The teachers shook their heads slowly. The headmaster looked around and said, “Who, my dear boy, are they?”

Matilda heard the rat cowering by the bunkhouse shriek a warning, so she ran off and ducked out of sight below deck where her rucksack was stashed. She put the dress on and donned her old bonnet, the one she’d sewn her old golden braids onto and raced back to the deck.

She slipped and slid a few feet. It was slick with blood. A coast guard was aiming a pistol at the crow’s nest, Matilda slammed into his legs and his shot went wild. Paloma flew off with an indignant caw. The man whirled to her. “What the bloody ‘ell?!” Then calmed when he saw she was just a girl.

The slashed-up body parts of the old pirates decorated the deck like bloody easter eggs. The boys were being herded towards the deck plank. The Spanish coast guards were searching the entire ship and picking the jewelry off the body parts.

A captain came running and knelt before her. “Are you okay? You hurt?”

Matilda had apparently another skill, she brought forth tears worthy of an Oscar, “They held me prisoner…they were going to ransom me…”

“Now now…” the captain said as he patted her back. “You’re safe now sweetheart. Come along…”

The last boys had halted to watch the exchange and Inky muttered, “Mat…?”

 Bob elbowed him hard in the ribs.

Matilda left with the coast guards in their carriage as the boys were herded and guided onto cart pulled by two piebald mares. Razorblade Bob winked at her as they parted ways and Matilda blushed.

***

Matilda was taken to farmhouse on an island far from the Spanish coast where the elderly couple cared for girls while the authorities attempted to contact their parents. The girls were put to work on the farm and housed in the barn.

Matilda was out feeding the piglets on her second day there when she spotted an albatross on a fencepost by the field that led to the ocean.

She said to it, “Please don’t be frightened. Please help me.”

The enormous sea gull at first looked alarmed, it shook its head as if to dislodge the human words and fluffed its wings as if preparing to fly. However, curiosity replaced the bird’s anxiety and as it tilted its head towards her. It said, “You are interesting and unique…and quite pure of heart. How can I assist you?”

“Oh please…where am I?”

“Ibiza, a small---”

“Yes,” Matilda interjected, waving her small hands like pale frustrated birds. “I know my maps. I need to get back to Spain. And I apologize for being so rude.”

The albatross scoffed. “Hmf. Quite a human trait for sure.”

Matilda reached in her pocket and pulled out a dried sardine. The bird’s eyes lit up. “I have a whole sack of these fishies, I need that boat down there…” she pointed to a rowboat at the little dock off the beach beyond the field, “To make it to Denia.” Denia was the most eastern town in Spain on the coast.

The big sea bird’s eyes lit up like a miser eying golden treasure. He called out to his flock, and they flew in magically from all over the compass to help.

***

Matilda waved goodbye to the flock of albatross who’d pulled the little boat across the Balearic Sea and headed to the center of town. She had changed back into her boy outfit, carried her burlap satchel on her back, and found a tavern bustling with activity. Taverns were hubs where much information could be gathered. Her luck was with her as the day turned to night…she recognized the horses outside the tavern, they had been the ones who’d carried the boys away to their prison and were still tethered to the same wooden cart.

She approached them. They tried hard to ignore her. She pulled a couple of carrots fresh from the farm from her pocket and said, “Hi pretty ones.”

The mares’ eyes grew huge. The one closest said, “You can speak to us? Woah. Trippy…”

“Yes, and I need your help.” She gave them each a carrot as she told them of her search for the boys and how they could help.

***

June and Josie, the piebald mares, arrived at the workhouse the boys were imprisoned in. It was 2:30 am when Matilda peaked into the warehouse-like building through barred windows and saw It was a kitchen. It was spotless and clean… and empty.

She moved on and climbed up the building like a spider, like she’d been learning how to do in the school for pirates, wrenching her little fingers into crevasses and finding footholds in the old bricks. She peaked in a window on the third floor and saw bunks with bodies in them.

Matilda whipped out her slingshot, and though never really good at it, she focused, and sent a pebble to the head of the first boy. He awoke. “Wha th---?”

She went, “Shhhhh!!!”

The boy was Eli the Eel.

She detected a strain of his wicked scent as it wafted past.

He said, “Matt?”

“Yes. I’ve come to rescue you all.”

Eli started to speak but she cut him off. She said, “Now. It’s your only chance. You need to all get down to the bottom floor…to the kitchen. I have a cart and horses waiting. The noise will wake the guards, so we have to be fast and ready.”

“But…”

“No buts…just go!”

Matilda watched as Eli went from cot to cot, awaking the boys, and gesturing as wildly as a referee at a headball game. She saw them glancing at the window, then leaping from their thin and dingy covers.

She climbed back down to the bottom floor where the mares were waiting outside the kitchen door, thick hemp ropes were tied to the bars in the window.

A light came on in the kitchen.

Matilda cursed the boys for being so dumb…and then realized a guard had come into the kitchen. The fat man was scratching his greasy leather tunic and looking into cupboards. Any second now, the boys would come upon him. He had a pistol in his belt but no sword. A rat popped up in the window before her. She stifled a shriek as foot thumps sounded from inside. Oh no, she thought. The guard turned and pulled the flintlock from his belt.

Matilda said to the rat, “Please help. I’ll take you away from here to where you’ll live fat and happy.”

The rat said, “and my family?”

“Of course.”

The rat shrugged. It seemed used to humans that could talk to animals, as most rats, in Matilda’s experience, had seemed. He said, “okay.”

The rat, quick as a shadow, sped to the pistol-wielding guard, climbed up his boot and sank his teeth into the flesh behind the man’s knee, severing a tendon. The man’s gun went off, the sound was deafening and echoed off the kitchen’s steel cabinets and ice boxes.

Lights came on in the upper floors.

The first boys entering the kitchen subdued the guard who was howling in pain and rolling on the floor by shoving a kitchen rag into his mouth, wrapping it tight with another towel and binding his feet and arms together with kitchen twine like a trussed pig. The rest of the boys ran to the window as Matilda told the mares, “Now!”

The horses strained a bit, but the building was old and the mortar crumbly…the window bars came out with a ‘SCARUNCH!’ The boys tumbled out the window and dove into the cart. The last six remaining in the kitchen turned to face the guards who’d entered. Razorblade Bob held them off by his frighteningly accurate throws- kitchen knives flew with deadly accuracy. Bob threw not to kill but to maim and make bleed, shocking a person to roll into a pillbug shape and quit the onslaught. The last three remaining guards looked at each other and shrugged. They obviously weren’t paid enough to risk a blade to the eye…not even realizing that Bob had run out of knives and was now ready to throw spatulas.

The boys whooped and cheered in the back of the wagon as Matilda led the horses back to the academy ship.

At the ship six hours later, light was entering the sky. There were heavy purply-pink clouds and the wonderfully thick scent of salty water in the air. They boarded the ship and stood on the deck looking out at the horizon. Then at last they turned to Matilda. Inky said, “You’re a girl.”

Wee Willy said, “and pretty freakin awesome! Right guys?”

A cheer went up and the boys rushed Matilda. It was the best she’d ever felt in her life. Only Razorblade Bob held back.

Billy Blackbeard said, “So what now? They’ll be after us. We can’t sail this ship…”

“Yes, we can,” said Matilda. She looked to the crow’s nest and said, “Paloma! Got a question or two for you!”

The brilliant red parrot swooped down and landed upon the wheel. She said in a smooth, reassuring female voice, “Yes, we can sail…” She proceeded to give directions to all the boys. And one girl.

Razorblade Bob came to Matilda and said, “I’m sorry the guys were so mean before.” He put an arm around her and pulled her to him.

Matilda was heated by the exchange and longed to kiss this boy pirate who had flirted with her when her secret had been revealed. She was at that age when young people started thinking of that sort of thing.

Razorblade Bob bent slightly at the waist and kissed Matilda. It was light but passionate. Both pirates broke away from each other and grinned. Then Bob pulled her hat off, and a tumble of red curls fell about her shoulders, revealing she was also female.