The Devil Inside Her

3:28 a.m. - June 23, 2022

There was a knock at the door. Did they find her? The knock was purposeful and swift but felt hesitant as if the person on the other side was hoping not to wake up the house's occupant. Regan wasn't sleeping. She hadn't slept in the 3 days and 13 hours Lindsey was missing.

10:04 a.m. - June 19, 2022

"Don’t touch it. You can do this. You don’t need it anymore." Lindsey was curled in the corner of the room. Her back against the wall, knees folded up to her chin, slowly rocking back and forth. The temptation on the counter was mocking her. It kept telling her she needed it. She felt like she needed it. She felt like her skin was going to melt off her body. Every muscle ached for it. Her brain told her it was the only way she would feel better, even if only for a few hours.

Her heart was the problem. It knew one more dose into her veins could be the end of her. She knew she was ready to be done. She didn’t know how to be done. She didn’t know how to be Lindsey again. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest tightened as she thought about her cousin, Regan. Lindsey had no siblings, but Regan grew up down the street from her; they had been best friends since Regan was born. They were three years apart, but absolutely inseparable. Well, almost inseparable. 

11:17 p.m. - November 5, 2021

The small gathering Lindsey and Regan thought they were going to turned out to be much bigger, and Regan was not a party girl. Lindsey had her moments, but Regan was the voice of reason and could almost always persuade her cousin to do the right thing. Regan knew it was time to go home. 

"Where is she?" Regan thought, scanning the open-concept living room and kitchen.  She didn't see her cousin. As her eyes peered out the massive glass door to the balcony, she spotted Lindsey in the corner with a couple she didn't know. She squeezed across the floor and tapped her fingers on the glass. Nothing. Regan tapped a little harder. Still nothing. Lindsey was in her world with these strangers. Regan knocked on the glass, this time getting the attention of everyone on the balcony. Everyone turned and stared at her, but she didn’t care. She gave Lindsey a nod toward the front door, turned, and headed in the same direction.

She was almost to the front door when she heard the glass door open and close. Lindsey caught her by the arm.

"Hey, I think I'm going to hang out a little longer," Lindsey said. She pointed over her shoulder to the balcony and motioned to the people she had been talking to. "That's Missy and her boyfriend, Dan. They're about to leave, but they said they have some amazing paintings they want to show me." Lindsey was an aspiring artist; where there was art, there was Lindsey. “Dan is an artist too!”

"Can't you meet up with them tomorrow?  You know…in the daylight?"

Lindsey chuckled a little at her worrisome attitude. "I promise, I'll be fine! I'll text you when I get home, Mom!" Regan stuck her chin out and gave Lindsey the “mother-look” which made Lindsey laugh even harder. 

"Fine, but if I don't hear from you by 10 a.m., I'm calling SWAT to come search for you."

Lindsey flipped her off and blew a kiss her way before rejoining the couple on the balcony.

That was the last night she saw Lindsey as the person she'd grown up with.

10:49 a.m. - June 19, 2022

Still sitting in the corner, her eyes shut tight so she couldn’t see the temptation on the counter, her ears were starting to ring. Loudly. Really loudly. Lindsey clasped her hands over her ears, but the ringing wouldn't stop. "Wait." A clear thought came through the chaos in her mind. "My phone?" She opened her eyes just enough to see if there was a light just big enough to be her phone screen. It was across the room. She'd have to walk past the counter. She couldn't walk past the counter. She just couldn't. "Maybe I can crawl past it," she thought.

The little phone screen went dark before she could move. She shut her eyes again tight, hoping to shut out the increasing panic creeping into her body. Her muscles hurt.  Her skin was crawling. She was drenched in sweat, and she swore she could feel her hair and nails growing by the second. She could hear the cells in her body moving through her blood. She felt the Devil coming for her, and she didn’t know how to make him stop.

 10:50 a.m. – June 19, 2022

Regan hung up the phone when it got to Lindsey’s voicemail. This was the fourth time she’d called her in the last 24 hours. No answer every time. Something wasn’t right. Lindsey always reached out at least daily so her cousin wouldn’t worry more than she already was. She never called SWAT six months ago, but something had to be done now. 

Regan grabbed her purse and drove to the police station to file a missing person report.

5:26 p.m. – June 22, 2022

Lindsey was sick. She had been lying on the floor for days, only getting up long enough to go to the bathroom, if she could even make it. She managed to get the trashcan next to her for the dry heaves that started coming. She had no energy and almost no will to live. The Devil was sitting in the armchair on the other side of the living room laughing tremendously at her every time she threw up, every time she tried to get off the floor and couldn’t, every time she cried for the pain to stop.

There had been a knock at her door two days ago during a paranoid episode, and she refused to open the door; she knew it was the Devil out there.   She made sure to stay as quiet as a mouse. He still managed to make his way inside.

A couple officers arrived at her house to do a welfare check after the missing person report was filed but saw no signs of disturbance, so they left. They had no idea the woman 10 feet from the front door inside the house was fighting for her life - physically, mentally, and emotionally.

6:30 a.m. - June 23, 2022

Detective Stephen Roberts had been assigned as lead on Lindsey’s case. Telling Regan the state of Lindsey’s house when he returned to do another welfare check was hard. It didn’t compare to telling someone their loved one had passed away, but the look on her face broke his heart. He couldn’t imagine having to tell her the ladder.

He arrived at Lindsey’s home around 1 a.m.; surely, she would be there in the middle of the night. There was something very wrong. He sensed it as soon as he pulled in front of the house. There was a faint light coming from far inside the small house, but the rest of the house was dark. There was no light on the front porch and no streetlight in front of the house. He peered through the front window and what he saw, he was not prepared for. The living room/kitchen combo was in complete disarray. There was trash covering most of the exposed surfaces. He could make out what looked like some kind of substance on the kitchen counter with several needles, spoons, and lighters nearby. 

Detective Roberts drew his gun and walked through the pitch black around the back of the house. When he reached the corner of the house, he saw a thin light beam in the middle of the yard. The back door was cracked open. The smell inside the house took his breath. Trash littered the entire back entry room. As he made his way to the front of the house, he smelled what seemed to be sweat, vomit, and urine.

“Lindsey?” He yelled. “Lindsey, this is Detective Roberts.  If you can hear me, make some noise.”

He tried to make his way through the rest of the house, listening for any indication of life. There was so much on the floor - trash, clothes, dirty dishes - that he had to continuously stop to be certain the noise of him walking on the rubbish wasn’t hiding any cries for help. After about 20 minutes of searching the house, he reached for his cell phone and called for another unit to be dispatched.

9:01 p.m. – June 22, 2022

The Devil continued to try to coax Lindsey from her corner. He sat despicably in the chair across the room. “Just give in,” he taunted.   

She hadn’t gone this long with nothing in her veins since the night of the party. She couldn’t give in.

“C’mon,” he said slyly.  “Just one more time. I’ll leave you alone after.” He laughed and grinned at her.  “I promise.”

“Liar,” she whispered from the fetal position on the floor, her hair matted to her face.

“What was that, my little sheep?”

“Liar,” she whispered again, a little louder. She had nothing left in her. Her body was giving out.

He laughed a booming laugh at her. “What was that, my little sheep?”

His laugh tore through her like a needle through her skin. “LIAR!” She screamed. “LIAR!  LIAR! LIAR!” Every time the word came from her mouth, she found a little energy. She felt her body leave the floor on shaky legs and stumbled to the back door. Tripping on the back steps, she fell to the ground, hitting her head. She tasted blood in her mouth and felt something running down her face. She could hear his thundering steps behind her. She crawled as far as she could before she collapsed on the ground. A shadow loomed over her, and everything went black.

7:14 a.m. – June 23, 2022

“911 – what’s your emergency?”

“Yes, um, hi. There is something wrong with my neighbor. She had blood all over her face, and she keeps saying to keep the Devil away from her.”

“The Devil?”

“Yes, ma’am. I heard yelling, and I found her in the middle of her backyard, on the ground. I told her I was going to call for help, but she screamed no, and tried to get away from me. I managed to get her to my house, but she’s in rough shape.”

“You said she had blood on her face?”

“I got her cleaned up a little.  I tried to walk away from her to get my phone to call you guys, but she kept grabbing my arm.”

“Where is she now?”

“Asleep on my couch. I tried to get her to stay awake, but she looks like she’s been through complete hell.  She’s damn near nothing but skin and bones. She doesn’t look like she’s bathed in weeks.”

“I’ve got EMS on their way. Stay on the line with me until they get there. How long has she been asleep?”

“Not long, maybe 15 minutes. I’ve had her in my house for hours though. She wouldn’t let me get to the phone.”

“Okay. What’s your name ma’am?”

“Kathy Benson. Hold on a second!”

“Is everything okay, Ms. Benson?”

“She was yelling, but I think she’s still asleep. Her eyes are closed, but they keep, like, fluttering, you know?  She’s breathing really hard….” Sirens could be heard in the background.  “I see the ambulance pulling in front of my house.”

1:48 p.m. – June 23, 2022

The hospital door slid open, and Regan flew through the opening. She ran to the information desk demanding to know where Lindsey was before she reached the counter.

“Slow down ma’am!” The guard at the desk yelled at her as she took off down the hall, information clutched in her hand. She almost missed the enclave for the elevators. She punched the up button and her eyes frantically searched for an elevator door to open. She didn’t wait for the people in the elevator to exit. She ignored the stares and mutters of how she was rude. She didn’t care. She needed to see her cousin was still alive. She needed to hear her voice tell her she was okay.

Lindsey’s room was at the end of the hall. Regan sprinted down the hallway, ignoring the nurses telling her not to run. She reached the room, and her hand froze on the handle. Was her cousin, her best friend, going to be okay? She had braced herself for the worst, but when her hand got to that handle, she wasn’t sure she knew what the worst was. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

There seemed to be a million wires hooked to the woman she once knew. Her hair was a disaster, her eyes looked sunken, and her skin had yellowed. The IV stand was beeping; the blood pressure cuff started to inflate, causing Lindsey to shift a little on the bed and grimace as the cuff squeezed her frail arm.

“Lindsey?” Regan’s voice was almost a whisper. Her eyes slowly opened and closed again. “Lindsey? Can you hear me?” Regan forced her voice a little louder. Lindsey’s eyes slowly opened and started to look for the voice. When she spotted Regan, a small smile came across her lips. 

“Regan…” She sounded like a child. Her voice was so small. It matched her body’s current state. 

Regan pulled the chair close to her bed, sat down, and took her hand in hers. She couldn’t contain the tears. She brought Lindsey’s hand to her forehead and the tears flowed down her cheeks. “I never should have left you that night,” she sobbed. “I should have made you come with me.”

Lindsey gently tapped her cousin on the forehead to get her attention. “This is not your fault. I did this to myself.” She started coughing. She struggled to catch her breath.

“Don’t talk, if you can’t, Lindsey. Just rest. I’m not going anywhere.  We can talk tomorrow.”

“No, I have to say this,” she took in a labored breath. “I fought the Devil. He came to me 4 days ago. He tried to take me away again, but I fought, Regan. I won. I won….” Her voice trailed off, and she closed her eyes, tears seeping between her lashes. “I fought with all I had. All I have.”

Regan looked at her, eyes puffy from crying. “Don’t say that! You have more fight!” She grabbed Lindsey’s other hand and held both tightly. 

“I love you, cousin. You’re my best friend. You know me better than anyone else. You can see I have nothing left.” She started coughing again. The blood pressure and heart rate monitor began to beep. Regan looked at the screen and saw Lindsey’s heart rate was getting too high. Her eyes searched for the nurse call button, but she couldn’t find it. She ran to the door, flinging it open, yelling for someone to come in. By the time a nurse got to the room, the machine wasn’t beeping anymore. It was just a long tone.

6:00 p.m. - June 23, 2023

In the year since the funeral, Regan had taken on the task of going through Lindsey’s house. Buried behind all the garbage, she found Lindsey’s paintings. She had seen her work before, but this was different; these paintings showed her pain, torment, and struggle. She cried that day - really cried for the first time since the hospital.

Lindsey's dream had always been to showcase her artwork in a prestigious gallery; tonight, that dream was about to come true. She had posted her artwork for sale online, but never really had much luck. Regan prayed tonight would be different.  

As Regan walked toward the gallery's front doors hoping to see someone waiting to come in, she gasped at what she saw; a huge group of people anxiously waiting to enter. Her best friend's dream was going to be a success. All she could hope was one person was touched enough by Lindsey's work to either save themselves or someone struggling.