Love in the Time of Landlines

I open my bedroom door and walk casually into the family room, glancing around furtively. No one seems to be around, not my parents, not my brother. Good. I’m dying to call my boyfriend, but I would like some privacy, which I never seem to have. Someone always seems to be sprawled out on the sectional, like my mom watching Love Boat or my brother playing Space Invaders.

I pick up the handset on the butter yellow wall phone and dial Steve’s number. Busy signal. Crap. I’ll have to wait a few minutes and try to call back. In the meantime, I go to the fridge and grab myself a can of Coke, yanking the pull tab off the top and tossing it in the trash. I lean against the counter, looking aimlessly at a box of cereal next to me. Super Sugar Crisp. Good stuff. I grab the box and glance at the back of it. Nothing new to read since the last 3 times I’ve read the back of that cereal box. I set it back down, take a swig of my Coke, then walk around to the family room again and grab the phone and press the number buttons down aggressively, annoyed that I have to call back.

Cool. This time the phone rings on the other end. Steve’s mom answers the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, Mrs. Patton. It’s Mindy. Is Steve home?”

“Yes, he is, dear. I’ll get him for you. Just a moment.” She must have covered the mouthpiece with her hand because I hear her muffled voice call out, “Steve, phone for you! It’s Mindy!” After a moment, I hear her say, “Not too long on the phone, Steve. I need you to finish cleaning your room.”

“Hey, Mindy,” Steve says. 

“Hey, what’s up?” I smile because I love the sound of his voice! I lean back against the wall, then slide down along the paneling on the wall until I'm sitting on the floor.

“Nothing. My mom and dad aren’t around so I thought I would call you. I heard your mom say you need to clean your room?”

“Yeah,” Steve sighs heavily. “It’s grody, for sure. I eat in my room all the time so I’ve got, like, crumbs and stuff all over. My mom is worried I’m gonna attract bugs.”

“Ohmigod, I would ralph if I got bugs in my room. I’m not allowed to bring food in there. My mom would totally kill me.”

“Well, mine will totally kill me if I don’t finish my room today.” Steve sighs again. “My mom is, like, totally stressing me out.”

I fish my lip gloss out of the front pocket of my jeans and slather it on my lips before asking, “Just because of wanting you to clean your room? She seriously needs a chill pill.”

“Yeah, she’s totally on my case about it. Seriously, I won’t get bugs in there. I’ve never had any before, so why is she so worried now?” He lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Parents need to get a life, I swear,” I say sympathetically while absent-mindedly winding the phone cord around my finger. “You know, my mom was screaming at me last night for my music being too loud. I mean, I just bought this record and I wanted to play it! It’s not my fault they gave me a bedroom right outside the family room.”

“What record did you get?” Steve asks.

“The new Journey album. It’s, like, so good!” I gush. “So, everyone just loves ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ and ‘Who’s Crying Now’ but I think the best song on the whole album is this one song called ‘Stone in Love’. It sounds so good when you really crank up the volume!”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “Journey has some good tunes. Maybe you can come over and we can hang out and listen to it?”

Before I can respond, I hear my mom coming in from the back door. “Mindy?” she calls.

“Ugh, hang on a sec,” I say to Steve. I take the phone away from my ear, covering the mouthpiece with my hand and hold the handset in my lap. “What, Mom?” I holler back, a little annoyed.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m on the phone with Steve,” I yell back.

“Get off the phone,” Mom shouts. “Dad and I need your help in the back yard.”

“In a minute, Mom!”

I put the phone back up to my ear. “Hang on, Steve,” I say and push myself up from the floor. I’ve got zero plans to get off the phone right now and go do gross yard work, so I walk into my room with the phone, stretching the cord as far as it will go, and close the door. I know my mom will be so mad at me for doing that. It rips the plastic stuff on the outside of all the wires, and my mom already had to buy one new phone cord for this phone because I totally ruined the other one. I told my parents it wouldn’t be a problem if they would just let me have my own phone in my room, but they were like no way. “You hardly come out of your room now, Mindy. If we got you your own phone, we’d never see you.” Ugh. So lame. I’m, like, so jealous of my friend Jenny. Not only does she have her own phone, she also has her own phone line! It would be so rad if my parents did that for me, like maybe for my sweet sixteen or something, but they’re like way strict so I know it will never happen.

I lift the handset back to my ear. “Okay, I’m back,” I say to Steve. “My parents want me to go help in the yard, but I’m like, no way, not now.”

“Don’t get grounded,” Steve says. “I want you to come over with that Journey record!”

“I won’t,” I laugh, but before I can say anything else, I hear the beep of my call waiting. “Hang on, Steve, I’ve got a call coming in.”

“Okay.”

I hop up from the carpet,  open my bedroom door, and dash to the wall part of the phone and press the hook to switch over. “Hello?” I say.

“Hey, what’s up?” It’s Jenny. 

“Not much. I’m on the other line with Steve,” I say.

“He’s such a babe,” she says and laughs.

“I know, right? I'm so lucky.” I smile and almost hug myself because Steve is just so awesome!

“Okay,” Jenny says. “Call me back.”

“Okay, bye,” I tell her.

“Bye.”

I press the hook and go back to Steve. “It was just Jenny,” I tell him as I walk back into my room, pulling on the phone cord and closing the door, cradling the handset between my ear and shoulder.”

“She’s cool,” Steve says. “She was totally cracking me up on our 3-way the other night.”

“I know, right?” I say, laughing. My parents won’t let me have my own phone or phone line, but at least we have call waiting and three way calling! But before I can say anything more, I hear my mom again.

“Melinda May!” she yells. Uh oh. She’s using my full first and middle name. That’s how I know she’s totally annoyed.

“What, Mom?” I yell extra loud so she can hear me through my closed door. “Oops, sorry!” I say to Steve on the phone, realizing I just screamed in his ear. I drop the phone and press it into my stomach to cover it.

“Your father and I need you outside now!”

I sigh, exasperated. I swear, my mom doesn’t understand how important it is for me to talk to Steve. “Duh You already told me that!” I yell back. I put the phone back up to my ear. “Steve, I gotta go. My mom is going to have a total fit if I don’t, like, get out there.”

“No problem,” Steve says. “I totally get it. Parents can be so lame.”

“For sure!” I agree.

“Call me tonight?”

“Yeah, for sure I will. But we will have to be sure to get off the phone by 9 because my dad wants to call his mom after 9 when the rates go down.”

“Okay, cool,” Steve says.

“I don’t know why he can’t wait until the weekend when it’s cheap all day,” I say with a touch of annoyance in my voice.

“Right? But it’s cool. We’ll talk later.”

“For sure, talk to you later, Steve,” I say, smiling.

“Yeah, bye,” he says and I hear the line go dead. 

I hug the phone to my chest and smile because I just totally love him so much! I open my door, walk to the family room and set the handset back on the hook, sigh, and head to the back door to go help with dumb yard work. Our next phone call can’t come soon enough!