"Ambivalence"

Giselle looked cautiously through the curtains. Fortunately they were lined, too thick to give away her silhouette. No sign of the taxi. She had been told by the hotel clerk to only get into taxis with the metal lightning bolt fixture attached to the roof. Those were legitimate taxis. He had regaled her with many a harrowing tale of tourists who ignored such warnings and were robbed or worse. From here she would go to the waterfront. Ivan had arranged for his security guard to meet her and bring her by boat to Ivan’s private island. The reality of the situation was that she barely knew Ivan. This was only her third trip to Oslo. On her first business trip, Ivan, who could have been fired for divulging his company’s secrets to a marketing partner, had gone out-on-a-limb to help her. She had been challenging the part of a contract that stated the marketing partner was responsible for buying back leftover promotional items if the campaign launched late due to partner error. But Ivan stepped up and admitted in a crowded board room that the delays were on their end. They had let the shipment, containing the promotional items, sit in customs so long after arriving in port, that the window of opportunity for a proper campaign launch had been missed. Ivan’s boss had to absorb the cost of leftovers. Ivan must have had some hold on his boss as he still had his job. When Giselle returned to the U.S. she was laden with concern for Ivan. Why had he helped her at his own risk? There was no sign of a romantic interest toward her. Ivan simply seemed to be a man of honor. After several emails it was clear they were becoming good friends. 

When Ivan urged her to bring her fiancé, Adam, to Oslo to snow ski on his property, she and Adam eagerly accepted. After an exhausting flight they arrived at Ivan’s exquisite home designed and built by Ivan and his wife, Anna. At first Giselle and Adam were relaxed, absorbing beauty and the dry, frigid air as if they had been sent there for a health retreat. They couldn’t get over their good fortune and their hosts’ generosity and kindness. 

Ivan’s wife, Anna, as it turned out, had actually been the mastermind behind inviting them to vacation on their pristine, snow-laden island. Apparently Ivan had shared with Anna his concerns over Adam’s treatment of Giselle. Giselle had mentioned off-handedly in her emails that she had cooled toward Adam and was thinking about calling off their engagement. When Ivan probed deeper, Giselle, had unloaded her concerns about Adam’s brooding, and sudden angry outbursts. On one occasion Adam shattered one of her elegant champagne glasses, hurling it against the wall within inches of her head. She had slowly come to understand Adam was incapable of showing warning signs of impending outbursts. He himself couldn’t see them coming on, which would explain his seemingly genuine contriteness. He always seemed embarrassed and distraught after one of his tantrums. At first, having never seen or experienced anything quite like this, Giselle accepted his apology. But over the last year the episodes were occurring more frequently if not regularly. Her closest friends, Meredith and Deanna, had been pressuring her for weeks to distance herself from Adam. Giselle felt as if she had been rent asunder, so torn between reason and loyalty was she. 

Meredith was the most worried. She felt guilty for introducing them, having worked with Adam as he recovered from his second divorce. The office “Divorce Survivors Club” had formed as a source of levity during a series of divorces among the management staff. What no one knew, of course, was that Adam had been married four times, not two. He had requested a transfer to New York from the Portland office. He was smart, funny, handsome in an unshaved and rugged sort of way. Giselle’s type for sure. On top of that he was irreverent with a caustic sense of humor. Meredith found it refreshing. Deanna, on the other hand found it offensive. Meredith regularly beat herself up for dragging Giselle to the company watering hole two years earlier, hoping Adam would show. She thought they might be perfect for each other. When Adam arrived at “Jake’s Bistro” that fateful evening, he seemed to spot Giselle as if equipped with a sixth sense. He barely acknowledged Meredith and Deanna. He spotted Giselle at a wine rack studying labels, muttered a few words, and breezed past them. As he made his way across the room to position himself beside Giselle, Deanna mumbled under her breath to Meredith “that guy gives me the creeps!” Granted Giselle was stunning, exuding good health and warmth. She always drew male attention. For every dark shadow Adam cast, Giselle exuded a moon beam. She tossed her thick blond hair back and off her face as the laughter between them began. They appeared to be sparring in a light-hearted way. It didn’t take long before the space between them closed. Deanna leaned in closer to Meredith. “How does he know?” she asked. “Know what?” Meredith responded. “You and I know basically everyone in here. How does Adam know she is the only available female in here? How does he know she is vulnerable, on the rebound? It must be in her body language.” Giselle was indeed on the rebound. Her lover of two years deciding finally to re-commit to his wife. Deanna added, “It’s boundaries. She doesn’t have any. He sensed it! She doesn’t respect other people’s boundaries because she has none!” Meredith looked shocked, “There you go again! You are so judgmental of Giselle!” “I love Giselle”, Deanna said looking directly at Meredith. “But I’ve been the trusting wife. Someone needs to drive the point home with her that karma is a bitch!” 

As time passed and the honeymoon had run its course, Giselle began to share unsettling experiences with her friends...his menacing gestures of control, showing disdain for her friends, especially Deanna, and very subtle threats always accompanied with a mocking laugh. Giselle observed during an evening out over drinks “it’s as if his chameleon nature was totally dormant until he knew he could take me for granted. His true colors did not emerge until it was clear that I was an emotional wreck and too beaten down to leave!” When Giselle, Meredith and Deanna all agreed something was deeply amiss, they decided to do some digging. They looked him up, something they now realized they should have done months before. They learned Adam arrived from Portland after his fourth wife, Edith, had been declared dead. She had disappeared during one of the worst snow storms in Portland history. Apparently, he had been in the news for a while as a person-of-interest in her disappearance. But he was quickly cleared. Solid alibi. No recorded history of violence. No evidence. No body. After two full years and an exhaustive investigation the case went cold. Adam secured a death certificate and collected $500,000 from her life insurance policy. At first Giselle was terrified, moved out and spent a few weeks with her parents. Eventually Gizelle confronted Adam about his dishonesty. He countered “would you have accepted my proposal if you knew you would be my fifth wife?! Would you have even given me a second look if I introduced myself as having been the subject of a murder investigation?” He begged her to understand and gradually Giselle’s fear gave way to sympathy and forgiveness. She was physically bound as well, the attraction between them seeming to trump reason. Somehow she managed to tune out Deanna’s prophecy.. “his fourth wife has been missing for two years. One day she will be found. She will either rise up out of the bay or she will emerge from from a melting snow bank during an unusually warm spring. Bodies have a way of drawing attention to themselves. And when it does you will finally believe me.” But Giselle turned a deaf ear…at least until Adam began to suggest they each be insured to protect the other. 

Ivan urged her to end the relationship, his sense of doom becoming palpable. But Giselle was still ambivalent, wanting to believe Adam's reassurances. She and Adam had been together for two full years. Too long to just throw it all away. And Giselle was a sucker for words. Words fueled her ambivalence. As long as Adam proclaimed his love and drew word pictures of a beautiful life together, his behavior could be explained or tolerated. 

It was Anna who suggested bringing Adam into their space, where he could be observed. And true to her suspicions, Adam could not conceal his unfounded belief that Ivan wanted Giselle. Why else would he invite them to visit from half way around the world? One week into their two week getaway, Adam had convinced himself that Giselle had brought Adam there to rub the attraction in his face. He felt a growing rage in his gut toward Giselle. She was like every woman he had ever known. He wasn’t going to play the fool. He may not be rich or have a private island, but he was quite a catch. Giselle had never complained about the expensive gifts he had given her, paid for by a sizeable income as an investment broker and his ample savings. Granted his savings were made up mostly of the payout from Edith’s insurance policy. But that was neither here nor there. Adam was actually amused when Giselle cut their trip short after witnessing his passive-aggressive undermining of Ivan’s efforts to plan stimulating outings. Ivan’s car keys would go missing. Adam would make overt flirtatious gestures toward Anna asking leading questions of Ivan to test his commitment to Anna. Dinners, planned by Anna and Ivan with great care, became unbearable. Adam would ask probing questions of Anna, asking how a woman as smart as she could have fallen for a womanizer and opportunist like Ivan. Ivan and Anna exercised extreme restraint. “What is their problem” he laughed. “Why can’t they lighten up?” he muttered under his breath, making sure everyone heard him. 

Giselle became weary of hissing enraged words through her teeth in the privacy of their room, pleading with Adam to soften his communication, to show gratitude rather than his vitriolic suspicions. She made it clear that his insinuations were embarrassing if not mortifying. When Giselle informed Ivan and Anna that they would be returning to New York right away, the air itself heaved a sigh of relief. The situation had become impossible. That very day Adam and Giselle packed and loaded their rental car to return to the ferry. After a few tearful goodbyes and apologies, Giselle ushered Adam into the car and they were on their way. Ivan and Anna watched as they disappeared down the winding road with their majestic trees obscuring the car in their netted shade. Adam made sure Giselle did not notice his hand slipping out the driver's side window. He felt certain Ivan would notice his middle finger. Ivan did notice, as did Anna. They were very distressed to see Adam’s intense gesture, made with a strong and sudden upward jerk. They turned back into their modern glass and steel home, shaking their heads. “One day he will direct his rage toward Giselle”, Anna said. “Are you sure?” Ivan asked. “Yes. This is how it starts. Alienate her from her friends; force her into isolation to avoid her own embarrassment; apologize to assuage her fears, and slowly erode her faith in her own judgement. At least she hasn’t married him yet! Ivan, as her friend you must do all in your power to influence her to leave him! I just hope it is not too late. He behaves already like he owns her. You can’t wait too long. I waited too long with Lars. I barely survived the last beating.” “You are safe with me now Anna. Lars can’t hurt you anymore.” “I know” Anna replied, “but Adam can definitely hurt Giselle. You must get her away from him. Get her to come back next month. We will send her to Dr. Indestad’s retreat for abused women. She will be safe there. She will come out a new, educated, empowered woman.” “It shall become my mission”, Ivan said reassuringly. 

Ivan knew to take Anna seriously. After her brush with death at the hands of her first husband, she began graduate work studying human behavior and the acquisition of and abuse of power. She was a published author on the subject of recognizing and surviving abuse. Having completed her doctorate, she was now a divining rod for abuse. She could usually spot it within minutes of observing couples interact. Most abusers try to hide it. Adam worried Anna because he was blatant. He seemed to take pride in it. In a word, he was smug. “When you write to her, be as circumspect as possible. Eventually he will begin to read her emails.” 

Giselle had heeded the hotel clerk’s advice and called for the taxi company with the lightning bolt on the roof. She indicated to the driver she would like to go to the waterfront, where the Viking ships were on display. The light was finally dimming, after hours of abnormal daylight, which was characteristic of Norway. Gizelle strolled about while waiting for Ivan’s associate. She was still in shock that she had returned to Oslo so soon. It didn’t take a lot of urging from Ivan. When she and Adam returned from their trip she had packed up all his belongings along with everything he had ever given her and told him to move out. Adam acted incredulous. How could she? She told him to stay away from her or she would get a restraining order. His eyes had clouded over. His jaw protruded and set in a frightening scowl. His hands flexed, tightening into fists, relaxing and tightening again. At length he had put his fist through her bedroom wall. Giselle shrieked and locked herself in the bathroom. She had dialed 911 and Adam was arrested that night. She dropped the charges but did have the restraining order served within the ensuing days. That didn’t stop him from communicating that she would pay for humiliating him. Shortly afterward she accepted Ivan’s and Anna’s invitation to return to Oslo to again be their guest and attend the retreat. 

Gizelle took a leave of absence and told only Meredith, Deanna and her parents where she was going. Adam knew nothing about her parents. And he would have to threaten to kill Meredith and Deanna to get any information out of them. Waiting at the waterfront Giselle admired the glorious recreations of original Viking ships. But she was afraid. She kept looking around, nervous that Adam might have caught wind somehow of her plans. But looking at the Viking ships she imagined being a warrior, charging up on a foreign shore, sword drawn and ready for combat, risking all, life and limb, for a cause worthy of such bravery. She realized she too was on a quest. She had travelled thousands of miles, fleeing from a threat, to overcome domination and to leave fear behind. She wandered about contemplating this. The security guard was no where to be found and it was getting late. She decided to wait in one of the waterfront restaurants. Hoping to lift her mood she selected the Irish Pub and sat at the bar. Jovial music did indeed lift her spirits. Ivan had indicated his security guard was named Jorge and would arrive by boat to bring her to the island, knowing she would arrive too late for the ferry. She was growing impatient but managed to make light-hearted conversation with others sitting at the bar. When the restaurant began to close she called Ivan and Anna to make sure Jorge was on his way. They assured Giselle he should be arriving soon. The weather was kicking up, they explained. Jorge would most likely have to slow to adjust to the waves. They calmed her by telling her a hot, buttered rum awaited her. That was indeed comforting. She settled deeper into the cushioned bar stool. She realized her purse was vibrating. Digging in she managed to grasp the phone before it stopped ringing. She did not recognize the number. Perhaps it was Jorge. “Hello?” And then a low, steady, taunting snarl…”You look lovely Giselle. Ivan won’t be able to keep his hands off you..” Giselle gasped and shut down the phone. She looked all around her but saw Adam no where. She calmed herself. She knew Adam would love to frighten her by making it sound like he was watching her. She was shaking. She paid her bill, almost too frazzled to make the currency conversion, and pulled her coat tighter around her. Clutching the shoulder strap of her bag she pushed through the door into the biting cold and realized Jorge had still not arrived. All the restaurants were closing. Only a handful of stragglers remained, quickly disappearing into their cars. She could not risk waiting another minute for Jorge. Soon she would be alone. Ironically Ivan was sending Jorge because he was trained and armed to protect! Giselle looked around and was relieved to spot a taxi. She had to abandon her trip to the island and make her way back to her hotel. She raised her arm and waved frantically, realizing her fear was showing. As the taxi pulled alongside her, the driver, obscured by frost-crusted windows, pushed the rear door open and Giselle slid in, pulling the door closed behind her. Suddenly, on their own, the locks locked. Her heart pounded as she struggled helplessly to open the door. She realized too late there was no lightening bolt on the roof and the driver was laughing as he sped onto the open road.