Ocean Hair

"Peter, you'll call me when you head back to school, right?" Her smooth voice sounded as I drew a heart in the sand with a twig.

I nodded, "Of course... I wish I didn't have to leave."

Addie looked up with hopeful eyes, "You don't have to leave, you know. You could just stay here... forever. Enroll in school here! Anyways your father lives here."

I sighed, "I wish it was that simple, Addie. My mom needs me... besides, I have other friends there." I winced slightly.

Addie looked down at the sand. I could see tears welling up in her eyes, "Y-yeah... I'll miss you..."

"Me too." I headed back towards the car, and turned around to see her running behind me. Her strawberry blonde hair flowing in the wind. Her wet sandals creaking with every step. Teardrops falling down onto her freckles. I stopped, giving her a hug.

"I love you." I said, patting her head.

She nodded, "I- I love you too-"

I watched her from the corner of the classroom. She was sitting in her seat quietly, fidgeting with a pencil like a timid deer. I hadn't told her. She had heard from one of her friends.

The teacher called on her, and she said the answer as quickly and quietly as she could, her voice quivering. Mrs. Jones seemed concerned. Lizzie had always been shy, but she'd never come to class with her face stained red from tears. This came as a surprise to me because she was usually self-conscious and embarrassed of any tiny thing she did. It was one of her struggles. I guess what she heard had been too painful for her to care about other people's opinions at that moment.

"Peter! What is your answer?" Mrs. Jones asked. My head perked up like I was a puppy, and I quickly patted down wisps of my dark brown hair that had gone awry.

"Hm?" I asked. Everyone laughed, and my friend Damian patted me on my head again, "Day-dreaming, are you Petty Peter?"

I rolled my eyes, "What was the question?"

Mrs. Jones gave me a death glare, "I'll see you after class."

I groaned quietly. I looked over at Lizzie again and caught her looking at me. Not exactly looking... giving me a death stare. When she saw me look back at her, she quickly turned away, looking down at the paper on her desk.

I was going to have to talk to her after school. I had to. I couldn't let her run off. I needed confrontation. I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't control myself. It was winter break. I was in the Caribbean. I had almost forgotten about my life back where my real home was. Until the kiss.

I looked up quickly, my head spinning. Addie's face was flushed. She patted herself on the cheek, and then broke out giggling. I started laughing too. I felt so happy. Had I ever felt this happy before? And then, the sinking feeling settled in my stomach. I had been this happy before.

I pulled on my hoodie as the class ended, running out before Mrs. Jones remembered that she had asked to see me after class. It was the last class of the day. I saw Lizzie running, her little ringlets of dark brown hair bouncing as she ran. She knew she couldn't compete with me. I was on cross-country and track. I had a six minute mile.

I was gaining on her, until I could manage to shout out her name.

"Lizzie!" I said, gasping, "Please! Just please listen! I have an explanation-"

"Stop!" She yelled, tears dribbling down her face, "Just stop! I'm tired of this! I knew something was up! I was sitting in bed, all of break, thinking of you!" Her voice shook, "And you hooked up with some cool Italian girl living in the Bahamas!"

I felt the color drain out of the face. She nodded, sniffling, "Yeah, I heard what happened." She hugged her backpack, biting her lip.

I had only told one person. I had only told Damian. I gasped slightly. Damian could almost always keep a secret, but he couldn't resist Emilia. They had become a couple over the summer. Emilia spread secrets all around the school. It must've gotten to Lizzie.

She was staring at me. Piercing, cold, eyes, glaring into my soul. No more color or pop. Just darkness.

I opened my mouth, but only air came out. Cold, frigid air.

Lizzie's voice broke, "T-that's what I thought."

She ran off going in the direction of her house. I hadn't realized how real it all was until that moment. How I'd shattered an already fragile girl's feelings and self esteem, in an act of vanity. That's all I ever was. Selfish.

I walked back to school slowly. I got in the front seat of my car, starting it up. Like a zombie, I drove home.

I opened the door, stumbling up to my room. I flopped onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow. I couldn't tell Mom what happened. I knew how upset she could get seeing me disconsolate. I didn't want her to go into that dark place again...

I took out my phone, scrolling aimlessly, hoping for something to entertain me. I checked out the school newspaper. There was an article about the Thanksgiving dance. I looked at the list of couples.

Damian and Emilia.

Sandy and Henry.

Kelly and Jerry.

Priya and Daxton.

Elizabeth and Peter.

Elizabeth and Peter.

I couldn't control the anger brewing inside of me. How did I mess everything up so badly?! Why couldn't I have not leaned in for that one kiss, which brought me into this whole negative spiral?! Why couldn't I have at least shut up and not told anyone about it?! Most importantly, why did I have to do this to Lizzie?

I grabbed my car keys, jumping into the Jeep, and quickly drove down the streets of my neighborhood. I could feel the knot in my throat tightening as I turned the corner to the Cul-De-Sac where she lived. I pulled up into the driveway.

Knocking on the door, I brushed a bead of sweat off my forehead. I heard her little footsteps coming down the stairs. My stomach was all twisted up, and all I wanted to do was run. Escape this situation. But she opened the door.

Her soft pale face, her rosy cheeks, her curly brown hair shaping her big hazel eyes. She had an innocent expression on her face. The one she had when I first met her. However, that expression quickly turned into one of disgust and exasperation.

She sighed, her eyebrows furrowing, about to cry, "Why are you here, Peter? To rub it in?" She said quietly, "Do what you want! I don't care anymore!"

"I just came to apologize..." I said, my voice cracking.

Woah. No, no, no, no, no. This wasn't happening... I wasn't going to cry. I never cried. I didn't cry when my pet snake died, I didn't cry when my parents split up, I wasn't going to cry now. For god's sake, crying was out of the picture. What was wrong with me?

She looked at me, her eyes bulging out a bit. She was surprised. I cleared my throat quickly, continuing.

"Please, Lizzie... I - I couldn't control myself. I know it's wrong. But every time I kissed her, I was thinking about you. Not her."

Lizzie's face softened a bit.

I exhaled, "How can I make it up to you - I'll do anything. Whatever you want, just to have you back." It was working. She was gaining my trust again.

Lizzie's face hardened, and she spoke softly, "I don't want anything. I wanted to spend the break with you. I would've liked it if you didn't... get together with anyone else in the two week break they gave us."

"I'm sorry- I just couldn't resist her hair... how it smelled like the ocean. Perfect strawberry-blonde locks twisting onto her shoulders-"

"Sorry isn't enough, Peter! Sorry isn't enough! And this is how you apologize, telling me how attractive she is, and how you couldn't resist her but you can resist me!" She took a deep breath, speaking more calmly, "Listen- I'm sorry- Peter. What's done is done and I can't - forgive you."

Then reality caved in on me. What if she never forgave me. Why did I have to interfere with something that was going so good. So perfect.

Glittering hazel eyes turning green in the sun. Sand covering her denim shorts. Her hair smelling like the sea.

She smiled at me, "Are you sure you have to go visit your father? You can just stay here. We can have fun. We can throw parties and watch Netflix till 3 A.M. We can even get that disgusting rainbow sherbet you like."

I grinned, "Tempting, but sadly, no. C'mon Lizzie - you know I go back there every year."

Lizzie pouted, "Change is good sometimes."

I took a deep breath, "What do you think I'm going to do over there?"

She stood up, dusting the sand off her knees, and shrugged. She pulled up her hair into a messy bun. Ah. Her signature messy buns. She wore one of them to the Thanksgiving Dance. I remember not wanting to go. Surprisingly, she likes these kind of social events more than me, even though she's a lot shyer than I am. I remember grumbling, not wanting to get into an itchy suit. But she wanted it. She wanted it really bad. So I did it for her. But man, was it worth it. She was wearing a light lavender colored dress, with layers and layers of tulle making her look like a fairy. That was one of the best days of my life.

Lizzie smiled wearily, "Well, at least we got to go to the dance together. Right?"

I nodded, "For sure. It was worth it."

She grinned, her dimples showing, "I knew you would thank me for it." Her face hardened again, "Well, I guess you've got to go."

I nodded, "I'll be back in a couple weeks, before you know it!"

Lizzie smiled, kissing me on the cheek, "I'll be thinking of you."

"Me too."

And then, suddenly, I felt angry. Not at her, but at myself. But at the moment, I couldn't control my outrage.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, unable to decipher what exactly was going on.

She gasped lightly, "What am I doing to you?"

"I've only done this once, can't you be a little bit more lenient?" I said quickly and loudly. My head was spinning and I felt faint. All of a sudden I felt like I needed to run. But my feet were planted in place. I felt - trapped.

She cupped a hand over her mouth, and then removed it. At first she looked mad, but then she just looked... numb. "It's not just that Peter." she said quietly, "I don't think this was... ever... meant to be."

She shut the door quietly.

For the next few months, I tried to make it up to her. Everything. Chocolates. Roses. Paintings she's always wanted. Trips to museums. Beach-days. She didn't accept any of them. And then I seemed like the idiot who was too hung up on my ex.

If only I could've resisted Addison. Her smile. Her freckles that dusted her face like little flakes of chili pepper. Her ocean hair.