Safe and Sound Safe and Sound

Trigger warning - psychological abuse.

7.15am - go downstairs. Phone fully charged, remove cable. Stare at phone wallpaper – not familiar – photo of huge oak in West Park at end of my street – where Rich proposed. Maybe took it yesterday – maybe not. Not sure. Stare more. Check for messages. Mum, Sarah, Rich. Rich? Not heard from him in ages. Is he ok? Oh, he’s replying to me. I didn’t message him. I must have, yes, look. Asked if he had a good weekend, sent 23.03 yesterday. Was in bed by 10. Must have got up - come downstairs - forgotten. Sleepwalking? Again? Getting regular now. See a doctor? Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Rich is fine, am I ok? Reply – short and sweet – don’t encourage the ex from hell. Don’t know why I messaged him at all. Ping! It’s your move on Words With Friends. What’s that? Looks like Scrabble game. Never heard of it. Why’s it on my phone? Quick look around it. I have 5 games in play. 5. It’s my move in all of them. Didn’t drink last night. Uninstall Words With Friends. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Coffee. Cinnamon roll. Sofa. Slightly more awake. Check phone again. More from Rich. Why did you get back in touch? Want to meet up? Ignore. Sarah – she says thanks with thumbs up – thanks for what? Scroll messages - yes she can borrow my copy of Catch 22. Still own Catch 22? Thought I lost it ages ago. Scroll more – told Sarah I found it – don’t remember that – check bookshelves later. Reply to Mum – yes still coming for dinner on Thursday. Thursday? When did we plan that? Never mind, I’m free, I’ll go. Add to calendar. Entry for Saturday – what’s that? Date with Tom. No details. No memory of this. Message Tom – Hi, are we meeting this Saturday? 8am now. Ring for doctors’ appointment. 32^nd in the queue. Sorry no more appointments today, please call back 8am tomorrow. System is enough to make me need a doctor. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Bookshelves – No sign of Catch 22. Check 3 times. What’s this? Copy of Never Let Me Go lying on top of other books. I never do that. Do I? Don’t remember this edition – cover is blue with picture of cassette tape – thought mine was orange with girl in green dress. Flick through it. Pages dogeared. I never do that. Spine cracked. I never do that. Must be mistaken. Phone beeps. Rich. I can see you’re reading my messages. Tom replies – Hi Grace - Yes. Royal Oak. 2pm Saturday remember? You ok? I’m worried about you. He’s not the only one. Why don’t I remember things I should? Phone announces: There’s Movement At The Front Door – letterbox clangs. Amazon delivery. Thanks – I think. Not expecting anything. Rip open cardboard zip. Copy of Catch 22. Green cover. Same edition I lost. Open Amazon app on phone. Ordered book yesterday. Did I? Didn’t know Sarah wanted it til now. Or did I? Coincidence? Put phone down. Deep breath. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Phone alarm sounds. 9am Take Pills. Yes. Take pills. Go to kitchen find clean glass. All glasses are clean. When did I wash up? Tap, water, pills, swallow. Running low. Need to order repeat prescription. Open browser on phone – doctors is bookmarked. Multiple tabs already open. What are they? First tab Google – seems about right. Second tab British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Have I been looking for a therapist? Maybe I need one? Psychiatrist perhaps more useful? Third tab Royal Oak – I did book a table for Saturday, maybe. Check for confirmation email. Open Gmail. Premium Bonds – you have won a prize. Go to premium bonds app. App not there. Check all screens – no sign. Must have uninstalled – why? Will check for prizes on website later. Message from Rich. Don’t open it. Search Gmail for Royal Oak. Booking confirmation. 3 people 2pm Saturday. 3 people? Me, Tom, who else? Message Tom. Who are we meeting on Saturday? He’s not online. Phone rings. Withheld number. Hello? Man’s voice: Is that Grace? I’m responding to the enquiry you made through my web site are you still looking for a therapist? Did I do that? Hang up. Rings back. Don’t answer. Too weird. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. More coffee. Must order meds. Back to browser – bookmarks – medical practice online – order repeat prescription – done. Bookmarks – what did I just see? Lingerie site? Wasn’t looking at lingerie. Click on link. There are 4 items in your basket. Click on basket. Red peephole bra and matching satin G string. Pink see-through babydoll. Black crotchless body suit. All in my size. None to my taste. Shopping for Tom? Not his thing either. More what Rich would like. Eugh. Empty basket. Delete bookmark. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Phone beeps. Tom. I don’t know who we’re meeting – you said it was a surprise – see messages from last night – were you drunk? Surprise for me too. Check last night’s messages with Tom. 23.05 message deleted. 23.08 message deleted. 23.12 message deleted. Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. Not drunk. Possibly not fully conscious. Sleeptexting? Need stronger pills. Call doctor again tomorrow. Good news needed. Open premium bonds web site online. Password not recognised. Type again. Slowly. Password not recognised. Type again. Very slowly. You only have one more attempt before your account is locked. Was I drunk last night? No. Worked til 8 – home – showered – changed - bed by 10. Back to kitchen. Open booze cupboard. 4 ciders and half bottle of bailey’s missing. Sleepdrinking? Whisper: Safe and sound safe and sound. No hangover. Didn’t drink all that. Brought friend home? Who drinks? Bed by 10 – makes no sense. Would remember someone else in house. Check spare room anyway. No one there. Bed not slept in. Phone beeps. Rich. I have to look. I miss you - are you ignoring me? Check all rooms. Front door locked. Back door locked. Spare key gone? Message Tom: Have you got my spare key? Phone beeps. Sarah. Hey Chick you ok today? Don’t suppose you can send me the pic of that new restaurant we saw last week? I knew I’d forget the name Hahaha. Tom replies – not this time, gave it back to you on Friday – are you ok? Check camera roll for Sarah. Multiple pics of girl asleep in bed.

Wait.

Can’t have taken these pics.

That’s me.

Safe and sound safe and sound?