SOMETHINGS IN THE GARDEN

When I first saw her that morning I was trimming the rose bushes. In all my years of tending to the Mason’s garden I had never seen anything like her. Peeking around the corner of the house about thirty feet away from me she looked huge. I was so afraid that my first reaction was to freeze. I only caught sight of her for half a second, but it was long enough to get a flash of her horrible yellow eyes. Every bone in my body wanted to run back to the staff house and avoid the garden for the rest of the week, hell the rest of forever. That thought was quickly replaced though, by the thought of how crazy I would seem to Mr. Mason for ditching my groundskeeping duties over seeing something scary in the bushes.

The next time I spotted her was from more of a distance. It had started drizzling that afternoon so I went in to make some tea and rest on the porch until the rain passed. As I watched two squirrels frolic from a rocking chair, I noticed she was in the tall reeds by the water. This time she looked like she was taunting me. A long, grotesque tongue flailed about in my direction. As soon as the squirrels noticed her they scampered off in opposite directions. I decided there that I’d had enough. That was my garden, and I’d be damned if I was gonna let anything push me or anyone else out of it.

Once she seemed to be gone again I got to work. I spent the rest of the evening setting up my trap, mostly meat from the kitchens I covered with rat poison and laid pieces of throughout the garden. In all truthfulness I had no idea if she would even want such easy prey. I had also rang Mr. Mason to tell him to keep the dog and kids out of the garden for some “pest control”, but I probably didn’t even need to. Everyone in that damn family was always too busy for their own good. About forty years I worked for the Mason's and I could count on one hand how many times I’d seen them all home, usually for someone's birthday and even then Mr. Mason usually had more pressing matters to attend to.

The next morning I checked the spots I had laid the meat and found my plan had failed. Not a single piece had even a nibble out of it. This was both irritating and relieving knowing she hadn’t taken the bait, but also knowing no innocent critter did either. I decided to gather it all up and throw it out. If I was to rid the grounds of this thing it was clear I’d have to do it the hard way. So when I was in the tool shed strapping on my belt with all the usual things like my trimmers and trowel, I made sure to add a hatchet in case I ran into the intruder again.

It was about midday. I was weeding the flowerbeds along the woods when I heard a high pitch squeal and some rustling in the bushes a bit in front of me. Curious, I readied my little axe and tried to mentally prepare myself. As I got closer the sounds I heard were awful. Like someone loudly chewing on a turkey leg without stopping to swallow. When the sound was directly in front of me, I peeled back the brush as quietly as I could. There she was. I finally caught my first good look at her. She was even bigger than I had thought her to be, at least forty feet long, a long rope of dark green scales. She looked to be laying still now, a small lump about one quarter way down her body. I figured she must be trying to digest whatever poor thing made the squeal moments ago. I held the hatchet over my head, if I was going to act now was the time while she lay dormant. When I was just about in striking range however, the colossal snake’s head whipped around so fast it startled me into dropping the blade. I laid on the ground, hands in the air shaking. She eyed me up and down for a moment, then she spoke.

“Ssso the gardener finally facesss me with sssome courage I sssee.” I was too stunned to cry for help. “I sssaw you putting out your tainted meat yesssterday. Did you really think sssomething asss ancient asss I would fall for sssuch ill wit?” Her hissed words gave me goose flesh as I tried to force my mouth to move. “I…wha…talking snake?” Was all I was able to conjure. “Yesss, the few humansss I have ssspoken with usually have a sssimilar ssshocked look on their faccce. Sssadly I can’t chit chat long today dear. I better ssstart eating you soon before you run and tell sssomeone about me that actually possessesss a threat. Truly sssorry.”

“Wait! WAIT!” My want to live finally overcame my shock. “Can’t we just both exist, why do I have to die?” I wiped hot tears from the side of my cheeks as the snake's head watched me, swaying slowly left and right. “You have tried to kill me twiccce now. Before with the bait and jussst now with your cute little hatchet.” It was around then I realized the snake sounded like it was a woman's voice. “I’m sorry, truly. I assumed you to be a simple snake preying on the wildlife in my garden. My boss likes to try and keep critters around for his daughter to see on her walks.” I was clawing for any reason for her not to kill me. “Let’s start over, My name is Lucy, what's yours?” Her yellow eyes narrowed as she locked them with mine. “Sssilvia, though no ussse getting friendly. Now that you know that, I definitely have to eat you.” I thought for a moment about lunging for the hatchet, but decided I had a better chance if I just kept talking. “And where are you from Silv-” “Why are you doing thisss?” Silvia had been circling Lucy now, curiously eyeing her and flicking her tongue rapidly. “No one has ever asssked me anything, except for their life ofcourssse.” She seemed genuinely curious, so I gave a genuine answer. “Because on afternoons as nice as this a woman could use some company, and that’s something I rarely get around here.” Silvia backed away a little, the first time since they started talking. Seeing her guard slightly lowered I seized my opportunity. “May I propose something?” I didn’t give her time to actually respond. “You stop using wildlife as your food, in return I will bring you fresh meat from the kitchens every day. I also propose we get together and chat regularly, say twice a week.” If a snake could look shocked, Silvia did so now. “I am so tired of tending to these grounds on my lonesome, plus you seem like the kind of lady to make very interesting conversation.”

After some time to think, and making me swear repeatedly to never tell anyone else about her, Silvia agreed. The rest of my time working at the Mason’s she never swayed from her word, nor me from mine. I always was sure to get her a decent cut of meat, first out of fear but by the time I retired it was out of love. She did in fact make for very interesting conversation. She also made a very good friend.