The Lost and Found Brigade

Footsteps pounded on old wooden floors. A loud thump resounded as a body slammed into a wall. It let out a muffled wince. Another body came flying down from a set of stairs.

“C’mon, Tyler, the Red Lady is right behind me! Get up, get up, get up.”

The two boys scrambled out the front door, leaving it open. Moonlight spilled into the house, illuminating a pile of garbage from Tyler’s pocket. A mint, an iPhone, some lint.

Silence reigned briefly. Then, out of a dark corner, a pocket calendar peered out. Lucy and Charlie Brown played football on the cover, with the year 1980 printed in bold type.

“Are they gone?” the calendar whispered.

“I think so.” A rhinestone-studded sandal hopped to the door. “Stupid boys couldn’t even close the door behind them.”

A large bookshelf, cobwebs dripping from its sides, scoffed.

“Our dear Mrs. Turner was coming after them. I don’t think they were worried about keeping the bugs out.”

The sandal gave a flying kick and shut the door with such force the frame shivered.

“Careful!” the calendar warned. “We don’t want the house to come down around us. Then what would we do? What would the Turners do?”

From the pile of garbage, the mint stirred. The iPhone’s screen lit up on its own.

“Oooh, they’re waking up!” the sandal cried. It hopped over to the mint and bounced in place. The calendar joined the shoe, more cautiously.

The iPhone was the first to fully wake up. It turned slowly, panning its camera and turning on the flashlight.

“Wha… where am I?” it said. Its voice was female and slightly robotic.

The calendar stepped into the bright light.

“Welcome, new friends! I’m sure you have a lot of questions. You’re in the Turner Mansion, home of the Red Lady and her husband, Headless Albert. You were formerly the belongings of some kid named Tyler, who dropped you all when he crashed into the wall on his way out.”

“Former belongings?” said the iPhone. “No, you don’t understand, Tyler can’t go two minutes without checking me, he’ll be back.”

“You’re not the first newcomer to say that, but no one has ever come back for their things once they leave them here.”

The iPhone nodded, taking in everything the calendar said. The mint began to shake, its plastic wrapper crinkling.

“I don’t understand,” it said, its voice small and shrill. “Why am I alive?”

The sandal placed a gentle pat on the mint’s packaging.

“I know,” it said, “it’s quite the shock, isn’t it? Don’t worry, you’re in good hands now! We’re going to take you into the kitchen and—”

The mint screamed and hid itself behind the iPhone. The calendar and the sandal froze.

“The kitchen?” the mint said. “That’s where you’re going to eat us!”

The calendar approached the little mint, who was shivering so hard its wrapper was about to bust open. The sandal stifled a chuckle.

“You’re in no danger of being eaten,” the calendar said gently. “We’re the greeting committee, and we are here to bring you to your new life.”

It reached out a page. The mint hesitated, then scuttled over and huddled next to the calendar.

The four objects made their way through the living room towards the kitchen, passing the staircase and two doorways. The mint pointed.

“What’s upstairs?”

The sandal hopped up high to the banister.

“That’s where the Turners live,” it said, “the original owners of this house. They died up there, and now they haunt the second level. Mrs. Turner is called the Red Lady because she’s covered in blood, and Headless Albert is Mr. Turner. I think you can guess why we call him that.”

“No one goes upstairs,” said the calendar. “No one except Kevin.”

“Who’s Kevin?” asked the iPhone, aiming its light as far up the stairs as it could.

“Kevin is our leader!” the sandal said cheerfully. “You’ll meet him in a little bit, he’s with them right now.”

They entered the kitchen and avoided several large holes in the floor. A table stood in the middle of the room, one leg half gone, and two chairs upturned on either side. The refrigerator doors were wide open. The iPhone’s flashlight showed two large bloodstains on the floor in front of the kitchen cabinets.

The calendar raised a page and opened the door of the cabinet.

“Welcome to the Lost and Found Brigade!”

The mint and the iPhone stepped up and inside and looked around. Banners made from dirty napkins hung off the walls and the remaining hardware. Several small flashlights, turned on and pointed in all directions to light up the space, flashed on and off in greeting. A couple of AA batteries came and escorted them further inside, where a broken comb, a sock, and a pepper shaker showed them a monitor.

“What is all of this?” asked the iPhone.

“We are all the things that people have left behind over the decades,” answered the comb. “We all came from someone’s pocket, or their purse, or their bags of equipment. Lots of ghost hunters come here to try and talk to the Turners. There are also the stupid kids who come and try to look at the bedroom upstairs or the treasures in the basement. This,” it pointed to the monitor, “was left by an amateur. She thought she could leave lots of these around the house and she’d catch something. All she did was give us perfect viewing of the fun!”

The cabinet doors opened again, and a long-eared, plush dog climbed in. Its golden fur was worn, its eyes dull, and its nose hanging on by a few threads.

“Kevin! We have new friends!” cried the comb. It shoved the iPhone and the mint in Kevin’s direction.

The dog looked at both of them for a moment, then beamed.

“Welcome to the Lost and Found Brigade!” he said. He placed a soft paw on both objects. “Have my people filled you in on what we do here?”

“We were just getting to that, Boss,” said one of the batteries. “We were showing them the monitor.”

Kevin nodded.

“Here in the Lost and Found Brigade,” he said, “we have pledged our scaring abilities to the Turners, the original owners of this house. They died tragically here a very long time ago. They want to keep this place to themselves, and we,” he gestured to the room, “we original furnishings and beloved items of their household are determined to help them. And those who have been left behind have agreed to stay and help us.”

“What will we do?” the mint asked meekly.

Kevin stooped down. “Have you ever wondered how much fun it could be to make someone scream, just by jumping on their shoulder? Or how easy it is to trip those people who intrude on our home?”

The mint shook in a way that Kevin assumed meant ‘no’.

“Well, my little friend, you’re going to learn now! There’s a scary side to you, I just know it. We’ll find out what it is together!”

The mint said nothing. The iPhone hopped in place.

“I’ve recorded a lot of jump scares!” it said. “My owner thinks they’re hilarious.”

“That’s the spirit!” Kevin slapped the iPhone on the back side. “With that camera of yours, you can take plenty of photos and videos, and we can all enjoy it during the day.”

“What can I do?” squeaked the mint, caught up in the excitement.

“You? You can crinkle that wrapper in some dark corner and make those intruders wonder what in the world they could be hearing!” Kevin let out a loud laugh. “Imagine their faces when they stop and look around, trying to figure out what that sound could be!”

The iPhone laughed, and the mint let out a small chuckle.

“I suppose that does sound fun,” it said. “What other choice do we have?”

Kevin nodded. “Good, good, that’s the spirit! Now, some rules before the next round of fools comes inside our house.”

The dog gathered the iPhone and the mint around the door.

  “Rule number one: you cannot leave this house. I’m not sure why or how it all works, but I do know that any object that comes to life here will no longer be alive once it leaves.”

The sock said from the back, “That’s how we lost Charlie.”

A murmur rippled through the Lost and Found Brigade. “Poor Charlie,” said a flashlight.

“Rule number two,” continued Kevin, “never go upstairs. Mr. and Mrs. Turner live up there, and only I am allowed to go up and down the staircase. If you do go upstairs, I will throw you out of a window myself.”

The iPhone started to laugh again until it saw the expression on the dog’s face.

“Finally, and this might be the most important, never EVER let anyone see you moving. We already have enough trouble with camera crews coming in, we don’t need to become a tourist attraction because word gets out that the entire house is alive as well!”

The mint and the iPhone nodded. Kevin opened the cabinet door and shoved them out onto the kitchen floor.

“Perfect! Now, everyone get into your places, I think I can hear the boys down the street coming up the porch stairs.”