A life.... time.

Rita sat in the mauve vinyl chair, her thin legs covered with several white blankets, the heat having escaped them despite the nurse bringing them from the warmer.

She shivered in response to the clinic's cool temperatures, and the feel of the ice chips on her tongue, but mostly she shivered at the sight of the IV drip from the bag that hung over her head.

She watched stoically as the fluid traveled from the bag, down the tube, and into her body.

It was several minutes before she spoke to her daughter.

"I'm proud of you and your sister you know. You two girls turned out pretty good after all."

Michelle, distracted from the magazine she read looked sideways up at her mother.

"What does that mean Mom?"

"It means I think I could have done things differently when raising you girls."

Rita looked at the floor as if she were far away from where they sat. Looking up to Michelle, she responded. "It means that I have a lot of regrets about things I did or didn't do with you. I could have been a better mom to both of you."

"What do you mean? You've been a fine mom. Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know, I just mean maybe I could have had less parties with the neighbors, or went on vacations with you, or done more. I just wanted you to know that, because, well..."

Rita looked up at the IV again.

"They are poisoning me, but I'm giving this a try because I feel like it's the right thing to do. Is to try and beat it for you girls."

Michelle was taken aback. She had never heard her mother speak this way before. Sure, she was a bit on the cup half empty side of life, but in all her forty years had never heard her mother speak freely of any regrets, let alone speak about motherhood and her role in it.

"Mom, you are just scared. And don't talk like that. Your're going to be okay. We are going to get through all of this together."

Rita's face and eyes flashed the wordless doubt that Michelle had grown to become familiar with in regards to her mother. She too, felt inward doubt. She had been there when the pulmonologist gave his diagnosis. She was far more present in the moment that she had ever wanted to be when she heard her mom literally cry out with both fear and anger.

She threw her purse over her shoulder and stomped her foot as if ready to walk out of the room, but with a sudden fearful look in her eyes, and tears welling up in them, sat down beside Michelle and Sofia.

"So what then? I'm just gonna die? Just wait and die like my Dad, my brothers, and Mark did?"

Treatments were discussed and referrals given. Two months had gone by and here they sat. In the Woodland Cancer Center for chemotherapy. Radiation was to follow. Then Michelle would drive her mother the forty minutes home talking about anything other than her mothers cancer.

Michelle and Sofia took turns with driving, the home, and everything else that comes with care taking. Sofia was strong in areas that Michelle lacked such as bill paying, and legalities. Michelle was better in the areas of empathy and sympathy. Together they made the best team possible all things considered.

Then came the positive twist. Despite the cold of the season, the sun was shining especially bright. Michelle, Sofia, and Rita sat inside the red mini van discussing the results.

Michelle noticed Rita's doubtful tell. "Mom, why do you look so sad? Aren't you happy? It is a true miracle and despite your prognosis, the Doctor said the scans were clear! Your lungs have some scarring, but your cancer is gone! Its GONE Mom!"

"Yea, but you heard what he said in the beginning. It could come back and probably will. The same thing happened with your Grandpa."

Sofia looked toward her Mother with shock, and sternly replied,

"Are you serious right now? Mom, it's clear. You should be happy and we need to celebrate! Why are you so negative?"

Sensing a brewing argument, Michelle cut in. "Mom, Sofia's right! You can be happy now! We will celebrate this weekend with that steak dinner you wanted, and beer!"

Rita chuckled at the idea, and said with a crooked smile. "I'm just still worried as all. "

"Well stop it! You have been given more time with your grand kids and us! I have to get inside to work now, but Sofia will take you home, and you two can make plans for the weekend okay?"

Michelle hugged Rita. She was still getting used to the feel of her mother's hugs, having not received a great deal of physical affection as a child from her mother.

Rita, with reasons of her own, had known that her entire life, but had learned to give these things a bit more freely these recent few years. She thought of her six Grandchildren, and how times in life bring us new meaning and change, more often for the better than the worse.

The steak dinner BBQ was a success. Rita had developed new hops and her daughters had as well. That is, until they all saw the changes happening again.

The cancer returned, and with more aggression than any one body could fight. Rita decided that there would be no more treatment.

She called for her older sister Susie to come home and be with her. Michelle and Sofia brought their children as often as possible to visit. They played UNO, and told stories. Rita laughed at each of her grandsons jokes, and marveled at the beauty of her grand daughters. They cooked together despite her having no appetite.

Fading to nothing her appetite did, as well as her strength in those final days. But despite her body giving up, her will fought hard.

She refused the bedside commode. She was as pissed off as an angry hornet when the hospice nurse suggested adult diapers. She despised taking the morphine.

The last day that she could audibly speak, she asked for her ex husband, her daughters' father to visit her and what she spoke to him about, the girls may never know.

MIchelle had felt the shift in her mothers once hardened exterior shell. She remembered her mom reading Charlotte's Web to her as a small girl. The memory made her feel warm and loved, as she recalled sitting beside her mother. Mom in her fuzzy yellow robe, and she in her cabbage patch pajamas. Sofia, an infant had already been tucked into bed for the night.

Sharing the memory with Sofia, together they decided that Sofia would go to the library and check out a copy of the famed tale. They hoped that by reading aloud to their Mother it would return the comfort she had once given to her daughter when she could not; or did not want...to sleep.

As time goes though, there was not enough of it. Sofia did not make it back in time from her respite, nor was able to obtain the book, before Rita's vitals began to fail.

Michelle could see her mother's heart beating with ferocity beneath her frail chest. Her breathing became shallow and raspy, otherwise coined as the death rattle.

Grabbing her mother's hand, Michelle improvised and spoke aloud to her Mom. She knew she was still listening, scared, and possibly regretful.

"Mom, I just want you to relax. You know that Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle George, Uncle Tom, Mark.. They are all up there waiting for you. I want you to know that without you to help me through my divorce I would have lost my sanity. You took such great care of me and the kids through that. I want you to know that you were a great mom despite what you might think. You made Sofia and I homemade playdough, played games with us, and added hot water to the cold pool when we were little. I wanted to read to you from Charlotte's Web, but we couldn't get a copy. I can see that we ran out of time. Its okay to let go now. Even if you are out of time here, I know I will see you again, and that you will have all the time you want with everyone up there now. You were a good Mom. I love you."

With silent tears rolling down her cheeks, and a brave, firm grip on her mothers's hand, she felt Rita relax, and watched her heart stop beating.