Tech Guy

Eureka. This is great. This will advance education by millennia. And I invented it and patented it. I’ll be the first in my family to be rich. See, think about computers. You can send emails, text messages, upload files and data. “No more teachers, no more books, no more teachers’ dirty looks.” See, imagine not just learning basics in school like multiplication tables, division, Spanish or French, or anything. Well, the government is going to save billions all because of me and I’ll be rich and famous. I’ll pay famous actors, guitarists, football players, musicians, or whatever the fuck people want to learn about and upload it to the cloud only I’ll have the name and password to and I’ve already purchased insurance: fire insurance, flood insurance, etc.

So, I can hear the reader brain waves moving, they’re in beta. But, I’ll have to write down to you since I have pH. D’s in computer science, biochemistry, and bioengineering. So, here’s the simple version. KISS: Keep it simple stupid, and you’re the stupid. So, you’re an organ system.

I see a hand. I’m five seconds into the explanation and there’s the raised hand. So, what’s the question. What’s an organ system. I was going to explain that anyway but here goes: An organ system (according to Chat GPT) is “a group of organs that work together to perform one or more specific functions in the body”. So, we have the digestive system to eat, drink, piss, and shit; we have the reproductive system to make babies, and we have all these systems. However, one of these systems is the nervous system. Another question. It does relate to being nervous but that’s not important right now. What’s important is you understand why this works and that you invest in my product.

So, the organ systems are made up of organs. Like the digestive system has the stomach inside. Another question. No, this isn’t for weight reduction. You’re missing the point. You have organs, ok? Good. Now, organs are composed of tissue. What now? No, not Kleenex. Not that kind of tissue. Why do they always give me the stupid people? Tissues are something in your body. No, it doesn’t come from eating tissues. Look it up on a dictionary when you get home. You don’t. Then look it up on the web. Now, let’s go on.

Tissues are made of cells. What now? No, not cellphones. Cells. Things under a microscope. No, not a microwave, a microscope. Never mind, we’re almost to the point. Cells are made up of atoms. No, not Adams, atoms. Atoms are made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. And what are protons, neutrons, and electrons made of? Protons and neutrons are made of quarks. Not, not quarts, quarks and they stay together because of gluons. No, not glue ons, gluons. Now, nothing is smaller than a quark. So, I figured out how to download and transfer quarks from one nervous system and transfer them to other systems. Do you understand what that means and what we can do with this information? No, quarks.

I’ve already been able to start the process and set up samples from other friends seeking their pH Ds.

So, I opened my suitcase, took out the tweezers, and picked it up, tilted my head to the side, and released the device into my right ear; I felt the tingling sensation as it downloaded or maybe uploaded. Need to get my terms straight. It felt like Alka Seltzer in my brain. Then, the download/upload started. It contained information on literature, creative writing, engineering (stuff I know with different perspectives and some Spanish.). So, I took out my cell phone and started writing what the information. It is fascinating. Things like starting in the middle of the story, giving all the information from the characters’ perspective to create suspense instead of holding information back, understanding what’s popular in fiction now and what magazine editors, agents, and publishers want when they read manuscripts. Knowing how to hook the reader in. Think of how much quicker micro biology will be once I’m able to download it into brains. We’ll have kindergarten pH D’s. Everyone will know everything.

But there is danger in this. Like Nobel realized, information can be used for good or evil. Have to figure out some safety nets for that, if that’s possible. Maybe do background checks on people or fingerprint them to make sure the wrong people don’t use it. But, think I’ll start with more uploads or convincing people to upload. Thinking I’ll start with sports. There’s a lot of money in sports. Maybe check with Mr. James and Mr. Jordan for uploads. They have fame and fortune already, but there’s never enough fame or fortune. Think of how much happier the Hulk would be if it would have been the Hulk Hogan Grill instead of the George Forman? It isn’t a Time Machine though. If I could make that to go with this, I’d have it made.

So, I make calls to major organizations like the NBA, NHL, MLS, NFL, etc. and I’m a great salesman so I convince them it’ll make them even more money. And I travel and I upload and upload and test it on myself. Forgot to tell you how I get it out of my ear. Maybe I will later. So, this information is uploading/downloading and I get the same sensation as before, but something feels . . . Different. Maybe it’s giving me information in a language I haven’t put in my head. But, then, I start having an urge for Cheese-Its and my arms feel like there are 50 lbs. ankle weights on them. Weird.

Then, I start forgetting some of the things I’ve downloaded. Like Spanish and French. What’s happening. I’m feeling like I’m drunk but I’m not drunk. Then, the lightbulb goes off: One of the athletes must have had a virus or something like a virus in their head. If they didn’t want someone else to get their information, why didn’t they “just say no”? Feeling weak.