Yolanda:Queen of the Desserts

"Would you please put that menu down and look at me, Norman. I can't read your mind. You have to talk to me. Can't you do that?"

"I'm not sure you want to hear what I have to say Christine."

"Try me."

"I've...well, I've been thinking about this for a while. I mean, a long time. Long before they announced the whole pre-retirement National Service thing."

"I still can't believe they would think up such a thing, let alone pass it into law. What a croc! No state pension until you complete two years in service to the State? It's beyond insulting. It's a fucking outrage! We've worked our entire adult lives and now the latest idiots in charge of the country decide that's not enough. Now they want more. We should have left in the eighties, Norman, gone to New Zealand. We'd be looking at retiring to a beach house and my wrinkles would be from all the sunshine, not worrying over how to pay for the next heating bill hike. This is such bullshit! How the fuck do they expect us to do this?"

"Can I get you a refill Madame?"

"Oh! Thank you, yes please. My apologies about the language, sir, I didn't realise I was raising my voice quite so much."

"Not a problem, Ma'am. Sir, more coffee?"

"No, thank you, nothing for me."

"No problem sir, enjoy you refreshments. You need anything else, I'm just a wink away!"

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So do you want to know what I think Chrissy or would you rather I listen to you rant some more about the government?"

"Sorry. Go on. Please Norman. Speak to me. Tell me."

"Well, something's been on my mind since we got back from the cruise, you remember the one? We had a seaward window cabin rather than a darkened cupboard. And the weather was amazing. You were a permanent fixture on the sundeck. And there were really great evening shows?"

"Yes, of course, I remember, but that must be about fifteen years ago now. To the Med, wasn't it? Oh, that was a great holiday. Fabulous shows, yes, I do remember! You were so relaxed on that holiday, so like your old self. It was such fun..."

"Well, it reminded me of the old days, before the kids. Before everything had to be proper jobs and real wages. When we were... free. We had a great life then, didn't we Chris?"

"This sounds like regrets, Norman. You... regret having the kids? Is that what you didn't want to tell me? Well, you'd be right, I don't want to hear tha-"

"No. No! Never!! I love our kids. I love our life. We've been so lucky, you and me Chris. It's hard to imagine what more we could have hoped for. Two beautiful, healthy kids. And they've both landed with good people themselves. They're both gonna be fine. But it's just that, well, there's something I've been missing for a long time. Some...one..."

"Why are you holding my hands? You only hold hands when you've got bad news to break to someone. Someone. Some...one? What do you mean you've been missing someone? Who have you missed all this time, Norman?"

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Sooo glad I bumped into you both. Can you believe this National Service thing, Chrissy? I mean, what are they thinking, all us sixtysomethings are bionic or something? Norman, what are you gonna do? I can't see you doing two years as a nurse or something! Wiping asses and mopping up barf, just not your bag, is it, sweet pea? I mean, look at the choices they've come up with, it's ridiculous! Hey! Sunshine! Can I get a skinny mocha, double chocolate and sprinkles please?"

"You want to sit down, Jasper? Norman, shift over and let Jasper sit down."

"Hi Jasper."

"Thanks Norm, you're a star. Say, what are you gonna do Chrissy? I read somewhere that you can choose from caring, serving, academic something-or-other or the arts. My God, there's gonna be a rush of all the old diva's brushing off their sequins, thinking this is THEIR MOMENT!! Well, you know what they say, those who can, do and those who can't, teach! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!"

"Actually Jasper, I was thinking about teaching piano."

"Fabulous idea, Chrissy, you'll be a big hit for sure!"

"I know it's been a while but I used to gig enough to keep myself in cigarettes and beer before Norman and I got together. I wasn't bad, you know. Played the Concert Hall a few times and toured France with a Barbara Streisand Tribute band. Amazing how much they love a bit of Babs over there."

"I didn't know you played the Concert Hall?"

"Oh Norman, yes you do. I've told you that story a million times. About the headliner hogging the stage for almost the entire the soundcheck. I got all of five minutes to run a song, adjust my mic and check the setlist before showtime."

"Oh Norman, keep up! Diva's, darling, diva's. They're everywhere, plenty in my department, that's for sure. So you're gonna teach kids to tinkle the ivories - how fabulous Dame Christina!"

"I think I've decided what I'm going to do, too."

"Ooh, do tell Norman. And pass me the sugar, would ya, hon?"

"Well, I'm going to bring back....Yolanda."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good of Jasper to leave us his tab. He sure can shift when he wants to. You want another coffee Chris? Or a cake, the walnut slice looked really good..."

"Yolanda. Really? You think that's a good idea? At this stage in the game, Norman? Have you really thought this through? What about the kids, what on earth are they going to think?"

"Actually I've already spoken to all of them. And they're ok with it. Said I should go for it if it's what I really want to do. And I do, Chris. I miss her and this is stupid National Service thing, I can use it as an opportunity. And it seems like...well, a way to kill two birds, if you'll pardon the expression."

"So, it's only me you've not talked to? Thanks Norman. Thanks a lot."

"I'm sorry Chrissy, it just came out the other evening when they were all round. You were out, I didn't plan it, it just happened. Look, it's only for a couple of years, then I'll be ready to say goodbye to her. For good."

"It's been a long time Norman. I thought you and she were really through. Don't you remember why you had to say goodbye to her? What makes you think she'll be any different now, even after all these years?"

"I can't explain it, I just know in my heart I need to see her. This time will be different, Chrissy. And it'll be the last time. I promise."

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Just like that? He didn't even leave a note or nothing? Well, Chrissy-baby, I am shocked. Shocked! I mean, first up, I though he would do like, gardening or fence-mending or, you know, helping out at the book shop or something like that for his National Skivvy stint. But to go back into The Business, at his age? Ambitious is not the word. Now he's just lit out, without even a fond farewell? Real. Shocker. Sweetie, you must be gutted!"

"I'm not sure what I feel to be honest Jasper."

"Did he take anything with him?"

"Some of my best make-up. And both my Ive St Laurant handbags."

"I meant money, hon, did he take any cash? Or his passport maybe? You think he might have gone abroad?" 

"Nothing's been touched from our joint account. I think he must have been saving his National Service money though, otherwise how could he afford to go anywhere?"

"I did read his reviews though. He was a big hit at the matinee shows, the audiences just lapped him up. And doing table work after the show, he must have gotten real good tips. Jeez, that Yolanda is a real bitch though. What kind of a person convinces a married man to run off from his wife of nearly forty years?"

"They are very alike though, Jasper - Yolanda and Norman. That was the trouble before. Yolanda wanted to make the big time and that just lit a touch paper in Norman, he just couldn't resist, it was like a moth to the flame. They were...inseparable."

"Well, he's gonna get burned this time, Christina. When they don't end up famous, just another pair of washed up has-beens, she's gonna dump his ass and move onto the next shmuck with even fancier handbags."

"Maybe. But he'd be so lost without her. I think she's always been in the mix, one way or another. Never far away, you know?"

"Hey, you folks ready for a top up?"

"Why, thank you Sunshine. I'll take mine right up to the rim."

"Of course, sir. And for you, more coffee ma'am?" 

"Yes please. And you know, I think I'll have a piece of cake too. I'll have the walnut slice."