You Love Serving Nona

"You love serving Nona."

What the hell did that mean? Why did I have a shimmer of pleasure when my department looked in my face and said it?

I look out at my empty classroom, my students will start filing in any minute.

I am having trouble shaking this, I can still see Joe's face staring straight into mine and saying "You love serving Nona", how bizarre.

Then I had this shimmer of pleasure, it must have been obvious to Joe because he smiled and told me, "I think you've graduated." Then he just wandered off.

Of course I graduated, I gave up almost ten years of my life to gain my PhD in Mathematics. Actually, I have graduated three times, just at different levels.

I watch my students begin to file in to my classroom and my attention refocuses on the here and now.

My students are generally just plain. There is nothing flashy about future engineers, physicists and mathematicians. Sometimes I get someone unique.

I still remember the middle age lady from last semester. She enthusiastically declared during the first class, "I am just here to exercise my brain." It sounded noble. The poor lady was hyperventilating so hard during the first test, I was afraid she was going to pass out. Next class, she was just another empty seat.

Calculus I is not a class that is going to make the young people the center of attention. Perhaps as they advance they may adopt a more arrogant attitude but now, if anything they look anxious.

They shuffle into the drab room and and about half the seats become occupied. The first test has happened and the "last day to drop" hasn't.

Sometimes the room gives even me a little claustrophobia. Being the new faculty member means you get to have most of your classes in the basement.

Time to start class, I press the buttons that activate a large projector. An image of my computer desktop appears on the white wall at the front. The class grows quiet. To do my lesson, I never touch anything but a large pad on the podium, I write with a special pen and it just shows up on the wall. I begin.

My last class is complete, the paperwork for the department is done, I am ready to head home. I cross the campus.

We are funded by the state, I see a collection of buildings whose styles span the last seventy years. The student population is about twenty thousand.

A couple of weeks later, I am sitting in my small office. Other than a couple of posters on the wall and my bookshelf, it is pretty featureless. At least the air is cool.

Joe, my department head, pokes his head into my office. He is in his early seventies but he looks younger. "Are you ready to go to a meeting?" I am confused, I didn't have a meeting on my schedule. "You love serving Nona." he states flatly.

There it is again, that rush of pleasure, how strange. Joe is at the door waiting. "Um, sure." I respond.

We cross the campus toward one of those large buildings that house the theater size classrooms.

Blue uniformed men stand outside. It's odd, I don't remember seeing security guards at the entrances before, especially at the end of the day.

As we approach the door, Joe shows the guard his ID and informs him "He is with me."

We enter the theater, I am surprised, there must be at least eighty percent of the faculty here. I am guessing there are multiple professors from every department. Most of them should be on their way home by now.

A distinguished looking man ascends the stage and approaches the podium. The faculty members hush. The only audible noise is the white noise of the air handlers.

"Let's begin with our declarations," he says.

"I love serving Nona."

The crowd repeats.

"I get great pleasure serving Nona."

Repeat.

"The more I resist serving Nona, the more I want to serve Nona."

Repeat.

There are about ten statements in all. Most of them say something about having deep pleasure and deep devotion to Nona.

From somewhere within myself, I feel like I already know the declarations, but I can't remember hearing them before. I feel great though. It's like that feeling you get from winning something unexpected.

As the shared chanting ends, our presenter continues.

"We have a few new professors here today, welcome." I am asking myself welcome to what? Joe is sitting next to me, I cast him a questioning look, he holds up his hand as if to say, wait.

The speaker continues in an upbeat manner. "Our statistician friends at Michigan State are predicting at least a thirty percent conversion rate for students receiving their master's. The anonymous questionnaires of sophomores at this school were very encouraging. We are hoping to improve the conversion rates for the undergraduates."

He continues, "We have new technology! I am proud to announce we have installed the subliminal sequences into the classroom projectors. In the hidden icons at the bottom right of your machines, just click on the empty space and do what you normally would do. The messages will play themselves."

"That will work for most math, physics, and chemistry teachers and anyone who uses the projection boards. Pure lecturers you will have to be a little more creative."

"Remember to open the encrypted file we send each week to your email. Working those words or word sequences into your lecture is important support. Also, remember to delete the files after opening."

The casual way the meeting continues seems familiar, pleasurable and uncomfortable all at once. The strategies continue to be discussed, some professors are recognized for excellent work, plans for the "Summer Retreat" are discussed.

"Before we end, let's have some togetherness and repeat our declarations again."

"I love serving Nona."

The crowd repeats.

"I get great pleasure serving Nona."

Repeat.

"The more I resist serving Nona, the more I want to serve Nona."

...

"Finally, new members, remember to debrief with your handler before leaving this room."

Meeting concluded, conversation breaks out in the room and professors shuffle out. I turn in my seat and my face is a complete question.

"Don't tell anyone what you saw today, it could cost you your life. Tomorrow, we'll talk." Joe deadpans, then gets up to leave.

I follow him out. Now I feel a mixture of so many emotions, I can't even sort them out. Anxiety is probably the most prevalent, can you have pleasurable anxiety?

I go to the parking lot and head home.

The next day, I stand at the front of my classroom. As I look at my computer screen in the "hidden icons" there IS a blank spot. I click on it, nothing seems to happen?

My students file in and take their seats. I start my lesson on related rates.

The students are a mixture of relaxed and anxious. All seem to be working hard to understand the material.

I repeat the same lesson two more times during the day.

Back in my office Joe motions for me to follow him. His office is nicer than mine, it has a window to the outside and I can see the bustling students behind him.

I sit. "Did I just attend a meeting of a secret society?"

"Secret, yes, it depends on what you mean by a society. You didn't attend a meeting, you joined. Actually you have been joining since you went to that magnet High School at fourteen. It takes a long time to program someone thoroughly without them knowing."

I sit and think, "I love serving Nona." and feel the pleasure wash over me. Where did that come from? I now notice that same message scrawled at the bottom of his wife's picture on his desk. "Why did I never notice things like this before?"

"We are distributed," Joe continues "Each major university has our members. The Ivy league schools started first, they are almost saturated, we're catching up."

He goes on and talks about the exceptional programming the group does. "If you show yourself with distinction, someday you can go to the leadership conferences..."

I am processing. I am finding I've been programmed my entire adult life for an unknown purpose. My head starts swimming the room is starting to fade. I am slipping out of the chair.

I open my eyes again and find myself lying on the floor in Joe's office. He is looking down at me with a wry smile on his face. "That was dramatic!" as he reaches his hand out to help me up.

"You don't think you have been programmed since you were a child? Did you pay attention to anything when you grew up? Why do you function better here than say Japan? There are thousands of small bits of information you never knew you absorbed." Joe went on, "Nona just does it's work with purpose."

"We harvest, or try to harvest the smartest or the most influential. Those so called standardized tests you took in high school, we identified you as a likely candidate. Only someone crossing over would select certain wrong answers. Your entire college career has had a dual purpose, to educate and recruit.

You didn't think it was a bit strange that you received those scholarships?" Joe continued, "You've seen or heard the declarations tens or possibly hundreds of thousands of times."

"When we think you are ready, we bring you in with a declaration phrase. If you didn't respond, you would have never known we existed."

"What is the purpose?" I ask. Joe responds, "Nona wants to steer the country, the ultimate purpose, I can't really tell you. We are actually in competition with a couple of other groups but we are the ones winning right now."

We speak a while longer. I uncomfortably twist in my chair. I keep thinking "what about ethics, integrity, free will?"

I wish I had never heard the phrase "You love serving Nona." Damn, there is is again, that rush of pleasure.

Ethics and integrity, what you do defines you. At least I think that's true. Hopefully that wasn't just another phrase that got programmed into me.

The next day in class I watch the students amble in. They take their seats and I am ready to start the lesson. I refuse to click the hidden icon.

"The More I Resist Serving Nona, The More I Want To Serve Nona!" screams in my brain.

My hands are shaking, somehow I teach the lessons.

For the next week, I refuse to click the hidden icon. The voice "The more I resist serving Nona, the more I want to serve Nona." is slowly losing its volume and effect. I am beginning to feel some relief.

The next Monday, after classes, Joe called me back into his office. "The database shows you haven't activated the icon, it couldn't be easier, just click the damn thing!"

I am feeling uncomfortable. How do I explain to this man that my ethics prevent me from knowingly playing with the free will of my students?

He smiles, "You love serving Nona." Damn it, I feel the rush and my will is weakening. I must still look uncertain. He continues, "You know about us now, you need to cooperate or face remediation."

That sounded like a threat!

As I leave his office and walk down the brightly lit corridor, I think Screw It! I won't! I will miss the prestige of this university but who I am comes first. I'll bet I can find some remote Junior College that will take me. I doubt these people reach into the rural south.

I continue teaching. When I first come to class, I check the hidden icons to make sure the programming icon is not checked. Another week goes by.

Back in my office in the late afternoon, Joe motions me toward his office. We aren't alone this time, I see a couple of older gentlemen giving me hard stares. They have taken all of the chairs, I have to stand like some errant child.

I remember one guy, he was the presenter the first night. He peers intently into my eyes, "You love serving Nona." I feel the pleasure but it is not intense. Since I have been breaking one declaration, the others have been weakening. His face looks a little grim.

We switch topics, he asks, "So how do you like it here?" I start talking about how I really enjoy working with the students. I tell him of some research I am beginning to initialize.

Suddenly he holds up his hand signaling stop.

"You want to sleep for Nona."

I collapse to the floor. On the way down, I think, "I haven't heard that one before."

White room. Bright lights! Obvious drugs! NONA! NONA! NONA!, I am slipping in and out of consciousness. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I am being reprogrammed. "YOU LOVE SERVING NONA!" It is not subtle at all.

"THE MORE YOU RESIST SERVING NONA, THE MORE YOU WANT TO SERVE NONA." This is remediation?! This literally seems to go on forever. I go out, only to wake back up again. With the drugs, the bright lights, and the loud speakers, I become completely disassociated.

I wake up in my apartment, I feel hung over. The first thing I check is my phone. What time is it? Do I have any messages? Hell, what day is it?

I am stunned, it is a week after that meeting in Joe's office. I have no idea what happened to my classes or if I even still have a job. All I know is I love serving Nona, INTENSE PLEASURE. Crap, it's even worse.

Now it's a struggle of wills, do I live by my values or do I capitulate to some unknown purpose!

If I hurry, I can just make my first class, providing I have a first class.

I enter the classroom and it is a picture of normalcy. Just a boring basement classroom in the college. I look at the hidden icons and think No!

"THE MORE I RESIST SERVING NONA, THE MORE I WANT TO SERVE NONA!" this is pain now. I feel my legs becoming weak.

I am sweating as the first students enter my class. They look at me concerned, no doubt they wonder what happened to me for a week and probably wonder if I am sick now.

I struggle hard and teach the first lesson that was missed.

I manage to avoid the hidden icon.

I am exhausted, I trudge back to my office.

No sooner do I get in my office than Joe puts his face in my door. He looks very disappointed. "Those men who were here a week ago, they want to have a meeting on top of the Library." "You love serving Nona." I know it is a programmed response but at least it takes some of the pain.

I nod and head out.

The library sits almost in the center of the campus, it is yellowish brick and has six stories. I enter through the double doors in front and head toward the elevators.

A few students are in the elevator with me. As it makes its stops they slowly get off and leave me by myself. I reach the sixth floor and exit.

From there I go to the enclosed fire escape stairs. I march up the steps to the roof. Opening the door lets a gust of fresh air hit me in the face. Actually the view is nice up here, the weather is clear, also pleasant.

I don't see the men I am supposed to meet. I wait a while. Finally my phone rings, it is an unknown number but I answer anyway. It's Joe, I wonder why he didn't use his own phone.

"Are you at the meeting place?" I tell him I am. "OK. Give Nona what Nona wants!"

I have a strong flashback to that white room and become dizzy.

Closing my eyes, I just kind of float and detach from the world.

Suddenly with crystal clarity I know what Nona Wants!

I feel so damn good! I feel light! I feel like I can fly!

I run toward the edge and STOP!

Thank God I woke up just in time.

I look down and realize this is just beginning.