I Love You

“So, I guess this is goodbye?” Ally said looking down. Her blonde hair framed her pale face, falling down and hiding her electric blue eyes that were brimming with tears. How can I fix this? I need to fix this. I can’t lose her, were the thoughts racing around Ally’s brain. Nothing mattered to the girl except for the angel standing in front of her. Ally would give her life over to preserve a shred of the brunette’s happiness. And yet Ally couldn’t find the words to say. She couldn’t figure out how to tell her girlfriend how much she loved her. She couldn’t find the right words to describe just how much their relationship meant. And most of all, Ally couldn’t find the words to tell Caitlyn about the engagement ring inside her sock drawer back at her childhood home. The ring that Caitlyn’s mother had helped her pick out all those months ago.

“Yeah. Um, I guess so.” Caitlyn said. Ally looked at her sadly one last time, watching the girl in front of her give up on them. “I think you should leave now,” Caitlyn said coolly. Caitlyn had always had a knack for masking her emotions, but never when it came to Ally. No matter how hard she tried to hide, Ally could always see through her. It was one of the things Catlyn admired most about the blonde. It would take her all of 2 seconds to read through a mask that Caitlyn had been wearing for years. But Ally didn’t fight her. She didn’t see the hurt masking behind Caitlyn’s stoic face. Either that, or she didn’t care, and Caitlyn didn’t know which hurt worse.

Ally timidly rose from the couch and grabbed her backpack from off of the coffee table. She couldn’t bring herself to look back at the brunette girl, or force a smile, or pretend to be fine. So she left, with no further words spoken between the two.Caitlyn had always been the person she never needed to pretend around. And that wasn’t going to change.  Caitlyn calmly locked the door behind her ex girlfriend as she left. And once she was certain the blonde was out of earshot, she broke. She collapsed into the door with a soft thud, sobbing and screaming and hyperventilating. Ally had seen Caitlyn at her worst many times before, but nothing compared to the current state of the small girl. Ally had been there when Caitlyn was cheated on by her girlfriend of 2 years. Ally was there when Caitlyn’s parents had separated when Caitlyn was only 11 years old. Despite everything Caitlyn had been through, this was by far the worst. The brunette had just watched the love of her life walk away, except she didn’t choose to leave, Caitlyn kicked her out. Caitlyn had once again driven away the only thing keeping her going, and no matter how hard she tried to break it, the cycle always seemed to repeat itself. Ally had been there for Caitlyn as her best friend all of those other times though, now Caitlyn was completely alone.  With a shaky hand, the brunette lifted her phone attempting to call for help, but she couldn’t find the strength in her. Without Ally, she had nothing left. Nothing at all. She slumped the floor curling herself into a ball. It was all she could think to do to deal with the ache settling deep inside her. 

The blonde stood on the sidewalk, staring up at the apartment building that she had just left. The building where she had spent countless nights over the past 4 years of their relationship. The building that she no longer felt welcome in. Ally hailed a taxi, with her only goal being to get as far away from that chapter of her life as possible. The chapter of her life that she had always hoped would never end. The blonde fiddled with the straps of her bag, unsure of where to go or who to call. She could go to her own home, or see a friend or family member. But she knew that as soon as she went anywhere she would be bombarded with memories of Caitlyn. Of the girl who Ally had just let slip away. But it isn’t too late. It’s never too late, Ally thought. The words echoed around her mind, and Ally prepared herself to fight tooth and nail for the girl that she loved. With newfound confidence asked the taxi driver to pull over onto the side of the road. She gave him a $20 bill and got out of the vehicle. The blonde sprinted down the sidewalk as fast as she could, weaving her way through the pedestrians along the way. Ally re-entered the building and marched up the stairs. Without thinking to knock or call, she used her spare key to try to open the door, thanking God that she hadn’t given it back to Caitlyn just yet. Opening the door, Ally instantly dropped to her knees and scooped Caitlyn up into her arms. Caitlyn gripped tightly to Ally’s sweater and she wept uncontrollably, as the blonde ran her fingers through Caitlyn’s hair and gently kissed her head repeatedly. Ally gently lifted Caitlyn’s chin until their eyes met. “I love you. I am hopelessly and irresistibly in love with you, and I will never ever leave you. I love you.”

Ally helped Caitlyn stand and slowly walked them to Caitlyn’s bedroom. Ally laid down first, making room for Caitlyn to snuggle into her, just as they did most nights. Their bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle, developed and perfected over years and years. In these moments of peace, both girls remembered why they fought for each other as hard as they did, and why they will always work it out before they give up on each other. Before they give up on their love. And just as Ally started to drift off to sleep, she heard a faint, “I love you too” fall from Caitlyn’s lips.