Overwhelmed

Dear Diary, 

Today was really annoying, my friend was being a jerk. Also, I started this diary because other than my mom I have no one to talk to but she’s busy with work. Anyways, jack was really pissing me off. Today at lunch he said I’m a right-footed player with two left feet. Everyone laughed at me, and so did Claire. I really like Claire but now she probably thinks I’m a joke cause of jack. I should tell him but what if he gets upset at me, or I hurt his feelings. Well I’m going to try tomorrow so he doesn’t do it again. That’s all for today diary, thanks for listening to me

Evan stares at his diary, nodding his head as he reads it over, reassuring himself of his feelings. trying to get the courage to speak up to his friend tomorrow. He dives into bed after and hugs his blanket for comfort, the boy rolls back and forth in bed as he smiles and giggles. He lets out a sigh and whispers “Claire” under his breath. Both hands swiftly rush to his face, covering his mouth. His eyes sprung open, in shock. He giggles and then throws his blanket over his face and falls asleep.

The morning wakes, and the boy does two takes on the clock before realizing he is one hour behind, he forgot to set an alarm. he springs out of bed and then runs to his mom’s room, lifting the blinds, he sees the school bus already outside his house, the last kid strolling into the bus.

“No” Evan yells

He scrambles to his room packing all his books, from his desk into his bag, then ransacks his wardrobe looking for a good outfit. Settling for a plain gray shirt and some Nike blue shorts, his next target is the washroom. Forcing his way through the heaps of clothes all over the floor, he escapes his mess of a room and now is stuck staring at the empty bottle of toothpaste. He squeezes as hard as he can until he realizes there’s not enough in there for him to get out. He steps out of the washroom and glances between his room and his mom’s room. Scissors Evan thinks, finally he settles for his mom’s room because there was no way he was finding his scissors in the state of his room. With the bottle of toothpaste in his hand, he makes his way into his mom’s room eyes scampering around looking for scissors. Target found, he jumps onto her bed and reaches for the scissors on the stool his mom places the night lamp on. He grabs the scissors, but his hand knocks the light lamp down, but he reacts swiftly, while still on the bed he catches the lamp just before it hits the floor but nicks his finger with the scissors. He takes a deep breath, then another one, and another. He places the lamp back on the stool, walks slowly to his washroom, and cuts open the toothpaste. The cut is truly unmerciful, as it burns and torments Evan while he brushes his teeth. He slaps a bandage on it grabs his bag and heads for the door. He checks the time before leaving, I can still make it in time if I run Evan thought. He speeds walks down his driveway then clutches both straps of his backpack and starts a light pace. The bag bounces and he grip it tighter to keep it stable as he runs, but the strap rips his bandage and digs into his cut. He cringes in pain with his eyes closed and misses his footing on the sidewalk causing him to fall. His swift reactions save him again or do they as he catches himself with his hands before headbutting the concrete sidewalk, but now his wrists are hurting enough for him to forget his cut finger. His eyes begin tearing up as he stares at the sidewalk face close enough to kiss it.

“Hey are you okay,” Claire says.

“Yea I’m fine,” Evan says as he pushes himself back up, and dusts his pants.

“Why were you running,” Claire asks

“I didn’t want to be late” Evan replies with his head down, hiding his face as his eyes begin tearing up again.

“Well let’s go,” Claire asserts

Evan looks up and sees Claire already jogging, he clutches both straps again, and although the pain is still there from his cut and his wrist, he doesn’t seem to care too much about it now. They arrive at school with 5 minutes to spare.

“I’m gonna run to the washroom,” says Evan.

“All right, I’ll see you in class” Claire responds

Upon entering he looks around and knocks on the stall to make sure he’s the only one. He lets out a big breath and begins gasping for air. After all, he was keeping up with a cross-country star all the way from his house. He takes off his bag and turns around facing his back to the washroom mirrors. It’s drenched in sweat; he quickly takes it off and puts it under the hand dryer while hoping no one would walk in. His shirt dries quickly, and he slips it back on, then his wrist starts to hurt again, just when he’s all clear. Something is off Evan thinks as he feels his wrists up, but he isn’t referring to his wrists. He stares blankly at the washroom walls, for over a minute then it hits him. Where are the urinals he thinks, as he connects the dots? He picks his bag up swiftly, and his wrist makes sure they let him know that they are not okay, as they begin sending waves of pain, he heads for the door but then hears two girls’ voices. Evan ditches the speed walk makes a 180, and dashes for the washroom stall. He stands on the seat of the toilet while squatting down so nobody sees his shoes, the girls giggle then just wash their hands and head out quickly. The bell rings, and the school announcements begin playing. The feeling of utter disappointment and defeat penetrates Evan’s mind as he squeezes the cut on his fingers trying his hardest to hold back his tears as he realizes all his efforts were in vain, but the pain isn’t enough as he begins sobbing in the stall. he tries to stop but it just causes him to cry harder.

Evan walks into class well after the announcements were finished, he had to make sure he didn’t look like he was crying.

“Glad you could spare some time for us, why don’t you go grab a late slip,” Mr. Porter says.

No response Evan puts his bag on his desk and heads for the office to grab his first-ever late slip. He returns swiftly to class and a note is left on his desk. He grabs it quickly, it reads Are you okay, Evan glances over to Jack, his friend, and shoots him a thumbs up. Confusion is written all over Jack’s face as he responds also with a thumbs up.

Dear Diary,

I am currently in class right now and everyone thinks I’m taking notes but I wanted to write cause I am having a reallllllllyyyyyyy bad time. Seriously, my hand is hurting a lot, and it’s been a bad day I mean yesterday was bad but today is the worse day. I thought jack noticed something was wrong but apparently not so I don’t know who left that note. I mean it could have been claire. No way she only spoke to me for a while today probably cause I was hurt too. And I could barely keep up with her when we ran she probably thinks I have two left legs, as well. And then I think her friend was also one of the girls in the washroom, her laugh is the exact same and she keeps looking at me and whispering in Claire's ear. My chest is really hurting it feels like I can’t breathe what if claire thinks I’m a weirdo. I feel nauseous.

the bell rings and Evan’s journal time is cut short. While the other kids are grabbing their lunch packs, Evan tries to approach Jack, but his attention is on his other friends as he rushes to see what they got for lunch. Evan doesn’t give up though, today’s been all about persevering and he isn’t about to back out just yet.

“Jack” Evan calls.

Jack makes a 180 turn to greet his friend. He waves him over to come to sit down with the others but Evan isn’t all that interested in a giant table with 9 other kids. All he wishes is to tell his friend what a horrible day it’s been. So, he keeps his feet planted on the ground, and Jack approaches him.

“Hey, you eating with us right,” Jack says as he high-fives Evan.

Evan bites his tongue as the high five not only felt like someone had taken a hammer and dropped it from a ladder onto his wrists, but the high five was loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Evan’s chest tightens more, his vision a little blurry, and breathing seems much more difficult. His lips are held shut, as his brain struggles to find words to put a sentence together. Their eyes are all on him, and his chest squeezes harder.

“I-, um, ca-can we just sit together?” Evan stutters. His brain is in full meltdown now.

“Ca- ca-ca-ca-can we just sit together? what are you g-” mark yells, but his words are interrupted by Jack’s lunch pack.

Although Jack isn’t the best at deciphering people’s feelings when he does put two and two together and figures out something’s wrong, he never fails to do what he thinks is right, which is where his popularity stems from. Mark gets up and grabs the lunch packs ready to hurl it back but when he makes eye contact with Jack, he instantly knew his place.

“Shut up,” Jack says before Mark gets a chance to speak.

 While everyone’s distracted by Jack and mark, Evan uses the opportunity to sneak out and when Jack turns his head Evan’s gone. Evan paces down the hall with teary eyes and blurry vision. He gasps for air as his chest tightens and tightens with each step he makes. He aims for the washroom but as he gets there, he sees groups of kids entering the washroom, and he doesn’t want anyone to see him. He starts making a dash down the halls, as he needs to get somewhere where he feels safe, he trips. His hands react first again going to catch him, but Claire reacts faster as she catches him by his right bicep and Evan catches his other side with his left leg, taking one big step.

Evan’s chest squeezes even harder this time the boy is visible gasping for air and taking long empty breaths, and Claire tugs his arms and drags him along with her. “Come,” she says. She takes him down the hall and into the stairwell where she opens the door. He’s hesitant, as recess hasn’t started yet, but she reaches her hand out and he softly grabs it and they both head outside together. The air is much cooler outside, and the boy’s chest slowly loosens but it is still tight enough for worry. Claire lays down on the cool pavement, and she taps the open space to her right signaling Evan to come to lie as well. He follows suit, lying down next to her. he tries to speak but he doesn’t know what he’s feeling or how to even say what is feeling, and his chest tightens.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything it happens to me too, and my mom and I just usually lay outside when it does. It’s okay, okay?” Claire says

“Okay,” Evan says as tears streamline down his face and his chest finally let go of the tight hold.