My Families Heritage

My name is Abigail Jones, and I am a member of the graduating class of 2000. Thanks to my grades and my family's influences, I was chosen to give one of the five speeches at graduation.  

Now here I sit at my desk working on a speech they asked me to give.  The theme they chose for us this year was ‘crossroads of our lives”. And because it was a Christian School, the topic I wanted to speak on would be accepted. 

 I just wanted it to be personal and motivating, not preachy. After all, this was from my perspective. The longer I sat at my desk the cursor blinked on the screen waiting for my fingers to type the words that would influence others as they stepped into their future.  

I knew the subject I wanted to speak on, and with the encouragement of my family and instructors, I had a green light to do so. What better time to speak to a group of women - young women my own age - on the subject dear to my  heart.

 From the time I was born I was taught the way women in our family behaved.  And the older I got the more I began to see how different her family and the other families were. While the women in other families had more freedom and independence then mine did, they also seemed to have more sadness, disagreements with their men. 

While I often envied these women, I also wished I could show them a better way. And depending on which side you began your life on and were taught, would determine what you saw, and how you felt and believed in.

Now that I am 22 I was in the perfect position to speak to other women my own age giving them something to ponder as they stepped into the next phase of their lives. While it may not change their path, it would plant a seed in their unconsciousness to ponder for many years to come. 

The longer I sat there, the more I tried to think of how to start the speech. I took a deep breath as I glanced over at the mirror catching my reflection. As I continued to look in the mirror, I also caught sight of my grandmother and smiled. Turning in my seat I looked directly at the picture. “Grandma, this may be the last time I speak to a group of women this size and have a chance to influence them regarding their future. I want to leave them with an impression that they will take with them forever. Help me.”

Just then a calm washed over me as I took a deep breath closing my eyes. Almost immediately I opened my eyes again and looked into the mirror. But now instead of seeing my  reflection and that of my room, I saw my past and the many women who came into my life teaching me the ways of womanhood for our family. And my future. 

Each scene showed one of the ladies in their family at home doing something for her home and family. And oftentimes they smiled while doing it. If they did do something outside the home and received compensation, they handed it over to their husband to add it to the family funds. And what she did do, was in the line of caring for others. 

As the scenes of my family flashed in the mirror, I saw how each member of the family seemed to have a place and purpose and because of this there is order and peace. Not chaos and unhappiness.  

Then I saw the books my grandmother gave me and remembered asking why our family was so different then those I knew.   

That’s when my grandmother knew it was time to share our family’s heritage and began to explain what made our family so different. So, one day we sat down, and my grandmother told me the story of how things changed from her perspective. 

“Since the beginning of time, as women, our ancestors have always been seen taking care of their homes and families, making sure to be a helper to their husbands wherever she could.” My grandmother began. 

“While they did gather with the other ladies they always turned to their husbands for counsel and companionship. Never was there a need to seek outside help with a problem. And if they were good men, they would seek their wife’s advice and thoughts. But the decision was theirs and theirs alone.”

“And the women were okay with this?” I asked.

“Yes, to do otherwise was unthinkable. Anyway, when this whole thing of women’s lib and giving women the right to vote, and becoming equal to men, everything changed. And in my opinion not for the better. But all we could do was stay true to who we were and are and be examples that would guide those who wanted to follow in our steps as much as those who wanted independence and change.”  

“What happened?”

“Homemakers, wives and mothers were not seen as desirable anymore because women wanted independence away from men. So, for them marriage and motherhood happened later in her woman’s life, if at all. 

Examples of homemaking, motherhood and being a wife were few and far between. Thankfully there were television shows and scriptures showing examples of who a woman was before the uprising, as our family calls it happened.”

“And what would those be?”

 “The television shows which represented the kind of lives we led were shows like Father Knows Best, Donna Reed, Leave it to Beaver, Little House on the Prairie, Dennis the Mennis, Hazel, and even Brady Bunch.  These showed women staying at home and being okay with it.  And the scriptures of the women which we looked to as our examples are found in Proverbs and Titus of this book.” My grandma said as she handed me my Bible - which she called ‘our manual for life and living’. 

As my grandma spoke of these women who were all but forgotten, I found myself honored to be one of the women who followed in their footsteps. While I did not have a husband yet, I could continue to learn from the women in my family who took pride in who they were and what they stood for. 

I was chosen to be the voice of my generation to speak on behalf of homemakers of the future. So, my speech had to be from the heart. 

As I looked again at the books and my reflection, I thought about all the lessons I had learned up until that point and thought of how that shaped my life and decisions.  I then turned to my computer and just started writing. 

“Today we stand at the crossroads of our lives. For men their choices are easy, they work, earn a living, and if they marry, care for their home and family. 

But for women however, we have choices. And depending on who we are, and what we believe in, will determine what we choose.” I paused for a moment as I thought of my next statement. 

“For me, my choice is the same as those women in my family. I am choosing to follow my mother, grandmother, and the other women in my family. I am going to become a homemaker and later a wife and mother.”  

As I was dictating my speech, I was unaware that my mother was just outside the door watching the words appear on the screen. 

“Please don’t get me wrong, I am not telling you what is right or wrong. In my opinion, we are lucky because we can see, and have seen, the good and bad between working women vs stay at home women who care for home and family. 

While some women can afford to stay home, others cannot. 

As women and men of the future, it is not for us to judge, just guide when others seek us out looking for help.” I paused as I looked at the words again. 

“So, I say again to you as you stand at the crossroads of your lives when you choose your vocation and your path in life, look not only to your family and their guidance, but also your heart and what it truly says to you. Thank you.”

Taking a deep breath I scroll back up and begin reading it again to see if it sounds good, if the words I was speaking were true to me and my family.  And they were. It was at that moment my mom appeared and gave me a hug. 

“I am so proud of you.” She smiled before turning to leave me to finish my speech and print it out.          

    The end