Life Can Be Rough

Life Can Be Rough

by Karen Derenbecker

This addresses unseen abuse where there is no physical evidence.

 It was late. The taxicab at the airport won. There would be no Uber or Lift today. Ally wanted a piece of what used to be. The driver placed her luggage in the trunk as she waited outside the cab. She entered the car after him, nearly forgetting to give him an address. She did so with relief in her voice.

    Claire was finishing fussing with the guest bedroom. She held the frame with her favorite photo of the three of them. It was Jack’s favorite too. His words echo through her, “Babe, I saw the ocean waving behind the unstoppable trio! I don’t want to brag, but I knew I snapped the photo of a lifetime.”  Remembering his wink at that moment, she broke down in tears. “Till death did we part. I can’t miss you enough.”, came forth as she gasped for air. Grieving Jack still wasn’t real and now…the burial of their daughter. She looked upwards as she drew the photo close to her heart. Then, wanting to gaze into Jack’s vision of the “unstoppable trio”, her heart sank for a moment. Then a guiltless smile came to her face as she thought of her and Jillian leaving the frame shop.

    She hears, “Mom! This is the cherry on top, the crème de la crème and all the other sweet treats dad finds so funny to say. He’s going to love his gift and we’re going to see how loved he feels!” The doorbell brings Claire back and she places the framed photo on the nightstand.

     Ally asked the cab driver to please wait. She had nothing prepared as she stood by the door. She cared only to look into Claire’s eyes saying, “I know Claire Bear. My heart beats with yours.” It took no time for Claire to notice the taxicab under the streetlight as she opened the door.

    “Come on Ally, let’s get your things. The meter is running, and he probably has somewhere else to be.” Ally and Claire stepped from the front porch with nothing else said. The fare was paid, and the luggage retrieved. Once indoors, the luggage was left at the foot of the winding stairs. Ally insisted.

    They are both turning 60. Ally is three days older. This time Ally being ahead of Claire is not such a problem…They originally scheduled the upcoming week to drop in on their old haunts and haunt their old friends. This duo grew up together in New Orleans. Against all of Ally’s and her husband Greg’s wants, they made a move for business’ sake less than a year ago.

    They went into the kitchen where Claire had prepared chilled martinis. “Shaken not stirred?” to which Claire replied, “But of course, Ally my dear!” They stepped onto the back porch, the ceiling fan doing its best, they sat beneath it overlooking the backyard with the gazebo Jack built for Jillian. “Claire, tell me again why I cried on your shoulder about having to move away from New Orleans? It must not have been during the month of August.” It wouldn’t be long before the idle chatter made them laugh out loud. They gave up. Claire first. She stood up and took Ally’s hand coaxing her to get up already. They worked their way to the stairs. Arms around each other’s waists, they climbed the stairs. Ally knew where the guest room was and knew it was a room meant for her. Claire went to her bed and laid upon the covers letting sleep take over.

    Morning came. Claire was making Café au lait when Ally walked in and asked her to sit down with her at the breakfast nook. Now Ally had the opportunity to give her knowing look into Claire’s eyes. The hugging and tears came. Sitting back, they agreed it was time to truly talk and to keep it together because Jillian is now watching over them. If the Café au lait had been made, it could have been a spit take for Instagram had either of them bothered to post. That is what they both heard Jillian making fun of them over as they laughed in order not to cry.

    “Claire, you and Jillian going through Jack’s cancer. I saw your love and strength. Thank you for knowing how much I wanted to be there for you two. Now Jillian…I have no words other than how blessed we are having each other. Moments like these shouldn’t be imagined, how unimaginable it would be if either of us never knew such friendship. It is the mother you are that gave me Jillian like a daughter of my own.” Ally talked about that day at the beach when Jack took the photo. She spoke of how if it weren’t for Jillian, she would have never tried parasailing. She also said how Jack thinks our laughing eyes were because of him looking through the lens telling us to think of the cherry on top not knowing Greg was walking up behind him in the hot sand doing what appeared to be his impersonation of walking on hot coals. She then told Claire: “Before we go on, you should know Greg and I are moving back.”

    OK!! This rough draft for a novel as I think of what it would be like to have said “I do” to a Jack or a Greg is rough. Imagining not being married to a man who sought a heart like mine with all its vulnerability in order to use that for his kind of joy. Imagining not being married to a man who portrayed himself as someone exactly whom I could love so the crazymaking could begin. I didn’t see the him he is. He knew this all along. Who I married is not who I married.

    I lost touch with my lifelong best friend. Not because of her. She never stopped trying for us to be in each other’s lives. I just always had an excuse as to why I couldn’t get together or pick up the phone and she couldn’t possibly know why. There is no explaining hidden abuse to another. That is the nature of his beast. My BFF since kindergarten just thought I didn’t want to be her friend anymore and didn’t know why.