Missing My Mom

*Based On True Events*

My husband and I decided to go apple picking today. I was not for the idea at first, but with kisses and hugs, I finally gave in. On the ride there, I was quiet and I noticed he kept looking at me. I couldn't help it, I was missing my mom. She just passed away a week ago. The song "You'll be in my Heart" by Phil Collins came on. I completely lost it. I couldn't stop crying. My husband tried to be sympathetic. He held my hand, his hands were warm and soft. My body felt cold and I was more depressed than ever. My mom was my best friend and the only family I had, and I didn't have much in the name of friends. I won't lie, a part of my heart broke when I lost her. First it was her losing weight everyday. I remember being in high school, watching her weight fall and her own depression killing her. It absolutely destroyed me. On top of that I was finishing college when I was 16, had to work, help clean the house, and pay the car bill. I felt like the world dropped responsibilities on me, all I wanted to do was be with my mom. I knew our time together would be limited. Then one day on October 10, she looked in the mirror and her tooth was rotting away, eventually her teeth were removed and she lost her smile. It broke my heart. I was angry. I was angry at everyone who did this. I was angry at my grandma, uncle, people in the neighborhood, society, my father. I was so angry and upset, I couldn't speak. I remember one time, I became so angry that I shoplifted and stole $5,000 worth of clothing and jewelry and didn't get caught. I wanted the world to burn and die, just as my heart did. I finished college with a 3.9 gpa, honors, and a promising career. I knew my mom wouldn't be around for long. Life is not fair. Getting medical care would make it so we would lose everything, everything she worked hard for. It was not right. The day that she passed away, I remember how everyone around me was upset and crying. Thats when I lashed out, how dare you cry, for your doings she is now dead. I remember, everyone looked at me, very guilty. Any gift received from anyone I would smash and burn it. I resented their "love", love was fake anyway and everyone dies alone. I was in a dark place. The only one who stuck by my side was my husband. He loved me with all of his heart. I remember when he finally got the courage to ask me out. It was when my mom was diagnosed with oral cancer. I remember coming home that day and I was very upset. He had just got home and walked to my house. He had asked if I was ok. I shook my head no. He reached out and hugged me. I felt like everything was ok. He held me tight, I could hear is heart beat a little faster. He knew my mom since we were kids, and loved her very much so, she was his second mom basically. He wanted to help. Eventually we were seeing each other everyday and I thanked him for his help. I asked him why are you being so generous? He started smiling and claimed that he loves us, especially you. He softly held my hand and I remember how much I blushed. I knew he always had a crush on me. My mom would tease me that he was always in love with me, even my friend Kristin. Thats when he asked me out, he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I was so strong and smart. I could see in his eyes, he was sincere. I'll never forget our first date, he was shy and awkward, but he was special to me so I didn't care. At the end of the night, we had our first kiss, it was unlike any other. It was comfortable and it felt right. Eventually he moved into my room in our house. I made enough room in my closet for his clothes. It was so funny when we would line our shoes up together, his shoes were compared to mine. Everyday we helped my mom. Thankfully my husband is 6'4, he was able to get cans out of the cupboard and help with lawn work. I was very grateful that he loved us very much. I remember, I would make this special apple pie, they both loved it so much! I loved cooking for them, I would make the best dinners and make sure that they were happy. Ever since my moms passing, I couldn't even look at apples without thinking of her. She wanted to be a grandma before she passed away. It broke my heart, I want to have children, but I felt like I ran out of time and she is now gone. We got out of the car and went to the apple orchards. It was hard, but it was necessary. My mom was no longer in pain, she could be happy and be in the sun. My husband picked the most red apple I had ever scene. I took a bite and reminisced our memories together as the three of us. I put my hand on my belly and felt a kick. The baby loves apples too. Today I am 6 months pregnant with our daughter. My husband and I are deciding a name for it. I really like Esperanza or Claudia, but he was thinking of Meilani. He told me he wanted a name as beautiful as Miranda. My mom knew about her, but didn't get to meet her in time. maybe its because of reincarnation? Or maybe its just the circle of life. My husband held my close and rubbed my belly, I was happy. Thats what my mom wish for me, to be happy, and it came true.