From Wife #1 to Wife #2

To: Carly65@gmail.com

From: Sarah67@yahoo.com

RE: Easter

Hey there. I hope you are well. Yes, if you could bring desert that would be fantastic. Your lovely daughter Amy and Callum, are covering most of the meal, so I plan to do appetizers and all the miscellaneous details. Even though it makes Dan uncomfortable (LOL), I love that we are all getting together and emailing. Just let me know if Peter plans to come.

Best- Wife #2

To: Sarah67@yahoo.com

From: Carly65@gmail.com

RE: Easter

Peter would love to come, but Amy dislikes him in the extreme. She feels that he is “manipulative and emotionally abusive.” She is not wrong, but he also has his good points. He also could not be around Dan who he is jealous of (again, to the extreme), so unless we want a brawl, I will pass on the invitation, but thank you for the thought.

Desert it is.

Wife #1

To: Carly65@gmail.com

From: Sarah67@yahoo.com

RE: Easter

Jealous of Dan? He does know that you left your husband of 28 years for him, right? If anything, Dan should be jealous of Peter. Some men are just like Peacocks; all bravado!

Amy mentioned the discord between you around Peter. Obviously, I don’t know him, but I do know Amy. She is pretty forgiving and generous with people and quite insightful (not to mention 30 years old). I learned a long time ago to listen to my daughter when it comes to men. When I was first divorced, I dated this guy that Alison hated. She was only 10, but she sat me down and listed all the ways he was isolating me and controlling and she was right. It was a big wake up call to be told this by my 10-year-old daughter. I broke up with him immediately, but it took months to fully extract myself. My point is that Amy has much more life experience and a few boyfriends under her belt; if she is telling you something, there is thought behind it. In any event, you don’t want to impact your relationship with her over a man. Trust me, no man is worth that!

Best – Wife #2

To: Sarah67@yahoo.com

From: Carly65@gmail.com

RE: Easter

Your daughter is also lovely and it sounds like she was wise from an early age. It feels strange to talk to you about this, but I know that you have some understanding and my friends either refuse to talk about it anymore or have ghosted me.

When I try to talk to him about his behavior, he gets me so turned around. I end up apologizing to him instead of the other way around even though I know that I am correct in my interpretation. Then, to boot, he will tell me I said something that I know I did not say, or tell me we never had a conversation that I know we did. It’s so infuriating that I end up in tears, but the next day he acts like nothing happened and chastises me for feeling hurt and angry. On the other hand, we like so many of the same things and he makes me laugh (and has other skills as well!). I feel stuck.

Thanks for listening. Wife #1

To: Carly65@gmail.com

From: Sarah67@yahoo.com

RE: Easter

What you describe is called gaslighting and it is a common tool of master manipulators. Given your description, it sounds like Amy’s concerns for you are not misguided. This might sound strange coming from me, but you are a beautiful woman full of zest for life with a good career who is rounding the corner to retirement. You do not need someone in your life who gaslights you. Life is getting increasingly short (for all of us). I worry about you because Amy says that you two are at the point where you cannot talk about the situation and I see her pulling away from you. She has told me repeatedly what a devoted mother you were growing up, so it surprises me that you would abandon your instincts now.

My guess is that you probably feel like you are being forced to choose between Amy and Peter, but this is what a manipulator does; makes you chose when there is not even a choice, that shouldn’t be part of the discussion. But if forced, of course you should choose Amy. It will be hard to extract yourself, I’m not going to lie, but it will be worth it, trust me on that, it is how I found Dan (thank you, by the way for leaving him 😊).

Best- Wife #2

To: Sarah67@yahoo.com

From: Carly65@gmail.com

RE: Easter

LOL.

I can’t even imagine extracting myself. Just the thought of it fills me with dread. I would have to change the locks, get a new number and probably get a restraining order. I feel exhausted just thinking about it. That said, what you are telling me rings true and it is not the first time I have heard this. My friends won’t talk to me about it anymore. I haven’t seen Mary in months for much the same reasons as Amy is limiting our contact. Somehow, hearing this from you is making me feel resolved to change things. Amy told me about your ex-husband, so I know that you know what I am going through even without the story of Alison. Thank you for saying all this, I know it took some courage. Even though my kids are adults, I am grateful that they have such a loving, reasonable step-mother.

Gratefully – Wife #1

To: Carly65@gmail.com

From: Sarah67@yahoo.com

RE: Easter

I too am grateful because you could have reacted entirely differently. You can do this! Just take it one moment at a time. You are strong, you’re a nurse, after all!

Warmly – Wife #2

To: Sarah67@yahoo.com

From: Carly65@gmail.com

RE: Easter

I did it! Peter, of course, freaked out, told me I was making things up and would “regret it.” I didn’t engage with him at all. I am so proud of myself. I told Amy and she said that she was so proud of me. I know that I’m the parent, but making her proud was one of the best feelings ever!

Thank you! Wife #1

To: Carly65@gmail.com

From: Sarah67@yahoo.com

RE: Easter

Congratulations! Now Easter will truly be a time of rebirth. I look forward to celebrating with you.

I am also proud of you. Wife #2