Stuck

Implied suicide/SH warning!!!

      Where am I? If I call out for help will anyone hear me? If I scream will it echo? If I look around will I find her? Is she long gone now? I walk through the town, the one I grew up in. They pass through me like I’m a ghost, maybe I am. I don’t know anymore. I can’t remember my own name. The moon shines above me like a lighthouse I ignore. He tries to pull me up but I can’t go, not until I find her. I need to make sure she’s safe. What was her name again? Bea. That sounds right. I can’t leave her alone, she must be so scared. I can’t do it. I can’t. I know I’m a coward but her eyes draw me in. I feel so stuck here. I can’t go anywhere I can’t even feel my own heart beating. My breathing faltered, and my eyes won’t close. Am I dead? Is this really all there is?

NO

     NO

     NO

       NO

          NO

      Why me? I don’t understand. I was so happy, at least I think I was. I remember laughter but was it mine or theirs? What is it with me or at me? I DON’T KNOW! This is all wrong. They’re smiling around me. Can’t you see me? Can’t you hear me? This can’t be right. This isn’t how my story was supposed to end. “This isn’t your story. It never was.” who’s there? Who is that? You can see me, you don’t seem friendly though. I wanted someone nice. Who are you?

STOP IT

      You fight me every turn. The noise. The screams. I remember it all. I can feel it in my bones if I even have those anymore. My blood pumps through a phantom heart, stuck in place, frozen. You can’t do this to me. Not now. Not ever. I hate feeling so stuck, so helpless. Let me go. I can hear the crying. I can hear everything going on around my body, my lifeless body. Stuck on the floor surrounded by the red that drips from my wrists. Dull eyes and pale skin, it’s almost like I can see myself. Like astral projection. Yeah, that’s what this is. Nothing more. Right? Nothing more.

STOP TALKING

You’re like a raven screaming in my head. You make me want to die. Don’t take that too seriously though. I don’t want to be dead. I just don’t want to be alive. Does that make sense? No? Oh well. You’ll understand when your time comes. I found it finally. Stuck at my grave. Sitting in front of a stone, in front of you. Your tears fall like rain on my skin. I want to hold you again. I want you to know that I’m here. I’m so sorry, darling. I’ll see you again one day.