Of Wisdom and War

Of Wisdom and War

by Ashly Callaway

Minerva Park Neighborhood, 1988

“Hi, Sue Ellen. Barbara left a message on the machine last night -- something about another party where she wants to sell us things. Did she call you?” Jackie asked. 

“She did,” Sue Ellen said. 

“Isn’t it funny how she flits from one money-making enterprise to another? Avon, then Amway, now Tupperware!”

“I know,” agreed Sue Ellen. “What season did she say you were at that last gathering?”

“What do you mean, ‘season’?” asked Jackie.

“Remember? We were in your living room, and everyone took a turn sitting on a stool while she draped pieces of cloth over our shoulders. I was a spring.”

“Oh, I do remember that. I was a winter. I bought the corresponding cosmetic kit, but I hardly use it. I don’t go anywhere fancy enough to put on makeup,” Jackie chuckled.

“I hear you,” said Sue Ellen.

“What are you up to? Is Mark taking off work for Memorial Day?”

 “Oh yeah, the corporate schedule has him off that day,” Sue Ellen said. “What about Barry?”

“He’s working third shift on Monday, so no, sadly.”

“That’s too bad,” Sue Ellen said sympathetically. 

Boop boop.

“Hang on a second, would you? I hear my call waiting.” 

Click.

“Well, hello,” Juanita said softly. Annoyingly.

“Hello, Mother,” Jackie said huffily. Annoyed.

“What are you up to?”

“I’m on a call.” Terse.

“With Sue Ellen?” Juanita asked innocently. 

“Yes; why does it matter?”

“I was just curious,” Juanita almost whispered. 

“You’re nosy,” Jackie admonished. A pause. “What do you want?”

“Just calling to say hello.” Resignation. “And to wish you and Barry a happy anniversary.”

“Thank you,” Jackie said.

“I hear he’s renting a hearse for the evening,” Juanita said lightly.

“Why in the hell would he rent a – ?” 

“No, no, I’m kidding. I’m sorry, maybe it was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Probably. Mother, I have to go. Talk to you later,” and Jackie hung up. 

Click. 

“Where were we?” Jackie asked Sue Ellen.

“Hey, isn’t today your wedding anniversary?”

“It is. Twelve years,” Jackie said.

“Did Barry plan anything special?”

“Well according to my mother, he’s renting a hearse. A hearse? I can’t believe it. I think she’s losing her hearing,” Jackie said.

“A hearse?” Sue Ellen asked. “Maybe she meant a limousine.”

“Perhaps,” Jackie said. “Riding around in a hearse all night sounds a bit creepy. Hold on a sec, this phone cord is all tangled. Barry twists it around his fingers while he's talking, and it just ruins it. And now I’ve gotten lipstick on the receiver. Great.”

“No, I wouldn’t say a hearse symbolizes romance,’” Sue Ellen surmised.  

Boop boop.

“I’m so sorry, could you hang on for just a sec? Someone’s calling again,” Jackie asked.

Click.

“Hello,” Jackie said, more of a statement than a greeting.

“Hello again,” Juanita said, shaky but cordial.

“Yes.”

“Do you need me to watch the kids tonight while you and Barry go out?” she asked kindly. 

“No. We’ve got a babysitter,” Jackie said with ice.

“Oh,” Juanita said pitifully. 

“I have to go, Mother.”

Click.

“What does Mark usually do for your anniversary? Does he knock it out of the park, or what?” Jackie asked.

“He actually does,” Sue Ellen giggled. “Last year he took me to Salvatore’s, then we brought home tiramisu and…you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Jackie smiled.

“We ate it!” Sue Ellen teased.

“I bet!” Jackie teased. “Hey, is Daphne available to babysit tonight? I completely forgot to call Jenny.”

“I’m pretty sure, although it is a school night. What time do you think you’ll be home?” asked Sue Ellen.

“About 9:00 or so,” Jackie said. 

“That’ll be okay, I think,” said Sue Ellen. “Oh, Daphne is taking biology this year; the students were told to research the plants and animals they found in their backyard, and last night she heard an owl! It was so neat. I think if you’re quiet enough, you’ll be able to hear it, too.”

“How wonderful!” Jackie said.

Boop boop.

“Did your call waiting go off again?” Sue Ellen asked.

“It did, but I’m ignoring it,” Jackie said. “I tell you, I’m looking at my hair right now, and it is in need of a trim. It looks like a helmet!” 

“Do you still go to Sherry at Cut Above?”

“I do,” Jackie said, “but I haven’t been able to get in with her." Sigh. “What in the world am I going to do with all these owl figurines?”

“Owl figurines?” Sue Ellen asked.

“Yes, my mother thought it would be a nice gesture to hand off her collection. Now I just have more things to dust,” said Jackie.

Boop boop.

“My lord. Someone’s calling again.”

“Well look, I’ll let you go, but I’ll see you at Barbara’s. Talk to you later, Jack,” said Sue Ellen.

“See ya, lady,” Jackie replied.

Click.

“For God’s sake, Mother. What in the fucking Christ do you want now?” Jackie screamed into the receiver. “How many times have I told you, I do. not. want. to. talk to you. You are toxic and a bully, and I do not like the influence you have had on my children. Boyfriend after boyfriend moves in with you, then they move out. What kind of example are you setting for your grandkids? You’re a slut, Mother. We’re all sluts. All the women in our family are sluts. That is the role model you provided me with, and it’s too bad, you know? But this is the life we’ve created for ourselves. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is.

“And another thing, we’re taking a family vacation this summer, but you are not invited this year. You create nothing but drama and chaos, and the last several vacations have been ruined by you and your narcissism. It’s alllllways about you. Do you not think everyone notices? Do you not wonder why a man won’t stay with you?”

Pause. 

“I’ll need you to watch the dog,” Jackie said.

A throat cleared. 

“Mother? Hellooo?” Jackie condescended. 

Quiet.

“Mother,” Jackie demanded.

“Hi, Jack. Ahem. It’s still me, Sue Ellen.” Pause. 

Another pause.

“I see,” Jackie said. A nervous laugh. “Sorry about that. I’ll talk to you soon, Sue.” Desperate; embarrassed.

“Yeah, maybe. I’m hanging up now,” said Sue Ellen.

Click.