Grenade

The skies were miraculous, with all the blends of pinks and blues and the distinct types of shapes that the clouds formed. The last time I was on a plane was five years ago, when I had been first recruited by the army. Every so often my fiancé would visit when she could. Though my fiancé was not at all happy with me having to departure and put myself in danger like that when we had just gotten engaged, and neither was I but I had too. It’s something I had always dreamed of doing when I was a kid. It wasn’t the fact that I’d be shooting people but the fact that I’d be saving thousands of lives; helping my country in a way that not a lot of people can. Now after five years of back and forth letters and face chats, I finally get to see my baby girl-The love of my life.

I knocked on the door to my condo, impatiently waiting for Phoebe to open. I moved away from the eye hole on the door, so she wouldn’t spot me. I didn’t tell her that I was coming, so she is going to be so surprised when she sees me, in the flesh again. Phoebe doesn’t bother to ask who it is; instead she removes the chains from the door, unlocks it and opens it wide. Still as beautiful as ever, my Phoebe stands 5”3” in height, gorgeous dark hair that went till her breasts, impeccable caramel skin and astounding chocolatey brown eyes that could just drown you with one look into them. She held a staggered expression on her face and without hesitation, leaped right into my arms. 

“Tyrone Jackson junior, how dare you not tell me that you’d be coming home this month?” I kiss her all over before responding. 

“I know how much you love surprises baby,” Phoebe releases me and playfully punches me on the arm. I pretend to be hurt and we both laugh in unison. 

“Now how is our little soldier holding up?” I directed my gaze at Phoebe’s stomach, and then pressed my hand promptly at the center of her stomach. 

“He’s strong like his daddy.” I smile and grasp at both sides of Phoebe’s face and lean in to kiss her passionately, lingering for a few seconds after I tasted her lips to just savor the feeling. Man have I yearned for her. I missed her so much. Phoebe grinned into my lips and then intertwined her hand with mine, leading me into the condo. “Geez TJ I wish you had told me sooner that you were coming, so then I would have had something prepared for you to eat, you must be starving.” 

“It’s all good Phoebes; I am the better cook after all, just sit down and let your man take care of things.” 

“Oh, shut up.” I head to the kitchen, trying to familiarize myself with everything, struggling to remember how Phoebe and I had organized this place in the past. Though, I didn’t mind at all, cooking is something I enjoy, from the tools to the food I loved everything about it and plus it’s been a while since I had a lovely home cooked meal, all I have been having was bread, cheese and soup oh and crackers-lots of crackers. For five years. “Hey babe, I might invite a couple of our friends over, so we can have like a mini welcome home party, sounds good?” 

“Sure babe.” I respond and grab a knife to dice some tomatoes to throw in the sauce pan. 

“So how about Stacey?”

“Sure.” 

“Joel?” 

“Oh yes, he is going to kill me though for not telling him that I was back,” I laugh at the thought and then begin to slice a few carrots. 

“Kevin?”

“Hell yes!” 

“Oh, and Alex! I am surprised he didn’t stop by to see me, how’s he been?” I gulp slowly and freeze with the knife still in my one hand. 

“Hey, TJ did you hear me, what about Alex?” Phoebe calls from the dining room. My hands now begin to shake as I recall what had happened to Alex as I remanence that day on the battle field, a day that I should have died instead of him. The knife falls from my trembling hands. Phoebe immediately rushes inside the kitchen. “Hey, you okay?” I continued to tremble, hearing the last words that Alex had said, replaying throughout my head in an endless loop. 

“Tyrone man…I-I don’t wanna die…I-I don’t wanna die.” 

“Tyrone...hey, look at me!” I shuddered back to reality and store at Phoebe as she stood with worry in her eyes. “So, I guess you don’t want me to invite him then.” 

“No.” 

“Did you get in a fight?” 

“He’s dead.” 

There was silence after that. I picked up the knife and tossed it in the sink and then hurried off into the bathroom. My hand continued to tremble, I opened the tab and splashed cold water all over my face and gazed at my reflection; staring back at a stone-cold killer, a monster and a failure of a friend. “Tyrone man, I don’t want to die…but if I must, I am grateful that it’s for you, brother.” I punch at the glass, shattering my reflection, having bits of glass now imbedded in my flesh and blood smeared all over the mirror. Surprisingly the pain didn’t bug me as much as the sight of the blood did. I cringed and then dropped to the ground, pulling my feet right to my chest and stare right at the tiled floor as the memory of Alex death flashes through my mind. 

It was a dark, mucky and gloomy day. My division was crouched in the trenches waiting for the arrival of the enemy as they drew closer by the second. There was no way that we’d be able to pop out and go for a more direct approach now that was suicide. Instead we held our rifles in place and waited patiently and fearfully for them to get to us. They will be out in the open, easy kill even though it was pouring rain and we could hardly see a thing. 

“This seems a lil too easy, don’t yuh think TJ?” 

“How so?”

“Well, all we got to do is wait like sitting ducks and then the prey will just come to us just like that, do you really think it’d be that easy?” 

“Well sure, I don’t see why not.” 

“But─”

“Geez Alex why you got to always over analyze things, don’t worry man, this is the last fight and I know you’re worried but after this we get to go home to our women.” I patted Alex on the back then directed my focus back onto the battlefield. Alex was silent for a bit, leaving only the sound of the pitter patter of the rain drops to fill the silence. The whole division was ordered to be silent for this whole incognito thing to work and plus it was dark out so if we all started blabbing at once then it would be even more difficult to locate each other and hear further instructions. 

It was hours of waiting and the enemy were yet to come, but only because they were already there. Our own men were traitors, taking those that were good down one by one. Finally, they had come for me from behind, Alex had noticed the uneasiness of our division, but I ignored him. Then he turned around. 

“Ty─” but Alex had cut him off to jump right in front of me before I was stabbed, taking the hit for me. I then turned around and shot at the traitors. 

“Alex!” 

I pulled out the gun from underneath the bathroom cabinet, a gun I’d left just in case Phoebe was in trouble and loaded it slowly. I’m like a grenade; harmless until triggered and once triggered they incinerate everything in their path. I raised the gun and let my finger linger on the trigger, Alex was supposed to go home to his girl, just like mine, his girl was pregnant, just like me he was engaged. I will never be able to live with the fact that his kid will grow up without a father because of me, that his fiancée never gets the chance to marry him because of me and that I lost my best friend, because of me. 

“Tyrone? What’s going on in there?” Phoebe knocks on the door, sounding very alarmed. 

A tear glides down my face as I remember what I will be leaving behind. 

"I'm sure they will do fine without me... right?"