Listen In

“Listen,” Vicky said.

The ultrasound technician moved the probe back and forth across Vicky’s abdomen searching the echoes for signs of life. The sonographer noted how calm Vicky was, focused even. Then she looked at Chad and saw the nervous wreck with a slight hint of perspiration peeking through his immaculately pressed white designer button down shirt. When the first THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP came rapid fire out of the speakers, he nearly dropped the light ring and microphone.

“O-M-G! Isn’t that the most adorable sound you’ve ever heard?” Vicky asked no one in particular and everyone watching her social feed. “I still can’t believe this is happening to us, Chad! Hashtag blessed life is best life.” She puckered up and air-kissed into the camera, while checking the comments already overflowing her sidebar.

Chad temporarily hit the mute button on the laptop. “Are you sure live streaming this is the best idea?”

“My two point five million followers who registered and are checked in would say ‘yaaaasssssssss’. Now unmute me, we’re losing valuable broadcast time.”

“But don’t you think this should be a private moment for us to share? You know, alone. Together?”

“Pull it together, Chad, and don’t ruin this for me. I swear to Jesus H. Christ, if you make me have anger-wrinkles and ruin this video for me, I will—” She stopped and took a breath, rubbing her belly for effect to appear as if the pregnancy was the thing stressing her. She thought it had been moving more recently, but not enough to get on her nerves like Chad was doing right now. “Turn the mic back on and make sure you’re getting the video screen in the shot. PLEASE.”

He looked sheepishly at the sonographer, who now actively avoided his gaze. She concentrated on making sure the fetus never left the video screen. No need for this crazy woman to scream at both of them. Chad did as he was told, and their first ultrasound appointment continued exactly as Vicky had explained to him the night before.

“Do you Vick-olytes want to know if it’s a girl or boy? Do you? Don’t forget to post your guesses to our poll in the chat. Ten lucky winners will get autographed copies of the sonogram at the end of our monthly contest.” The comment box was exploding with activity. Vicky felt another flutter inside her but dismissed it distracted by the fact she would have to go through those comments later to make sure her “winners” were deserving.

“I could probably tell you in a few minutes, if you really want to know. The baby seems to be turning to give us a show—”

“Don’t you dare!” Vicky mock-squealed. Her voice and tone conveyed a playfulness that carried well with her on-screen persona. But the quick daggers from Vicky’s eyes told her that if she valued her job, she would make sure that show never happened.

“Oops, I think I spoke too soon. Looks like they went shy on us, and we’ll have to wait for another visit before we get that info.”

“That’s right, folks. Don’t forget that we’ll be doing our big gender reveal Zoom party next month. So, make sure you register now so you can share that magical moment with us! That’s all for now, CIAO!” She blew her followers another kiss, and Chad killed the feed, turned off the light ring and closed the laptop lid.

“Sheesh, I feel like I drank a whole case of Natty Lite. I have got to pee so bad right now. Chad, grab our gear and I’ll meet you at the car.” She grabbed the wipes out of the technician’s hand and roughly cleaned the gel from her midsection discarding the used toiletries back onto the chair she just vacated. Without looking back, she hurried into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get that,” Chad apologized. “She’s so worried about everything going right with this pregnancy that she forgets her manners sometimes. I’m sure you’ve seen that a thousand times.”

“Un-huh.”

She finished cleaning her instruments and left Chad fumbling in the mess of his own making. She felt sorry for him at first but apologizing for that camera queen’s behavior erased what pity she had.

“Good luck with the pregnancy,” she stated politely as she walked out the door. She kept the “you’ll need it” to herself.

*****

It was just after dinner when Vicky first sat down to review the comments from the ultrasound event earlier. She burped daintily and blamed it on the child growing inside her and his heavy handedness with the chiles in their vegetarian tofu tacos. He was washing the dishes when she brought the first comment to his attention.

“You should see what some of these people are saying already, Chad. We’re trending harder than the last Brangelina breakup!”

“I still don’t know how you could feel comfortable with all those people in our business like that.”

“Um, you knew this when you married me. Our business is our BUSINESS. If we don’t keep the ‘likes’ up, we can’t keep the lights on.”

“Yeah, I get it. I do, really. I just thought this one thing could be just –”

“Oh no she didn’t!”

“What?”

“Looks like your doom and gloom is contagious. Some chick posted in the comments that she feels sorry for the baby we’re dragging into our sad social act.”

“I am not gloomy at all. Wait, someone actually posted that?”

“Not just posted it but shared it and got six likes so far. She’s a nobody so lucky for us she’s got two thousand dislikes, but still the nerve.”

“I can’t believe someone would say that. A social act? What does that even mean?”

“Who cares. She’s got less than a hundred followers. Her opinion means nothing. No, less than nothing.”

“Who would fake a pregnancy? Do people think this is fake? Do they think WE are fake?”

“Calm down, Chad. You know what Doctor Levi said about your blood pressure and taking things too personally. Have some chai tea.”

“What else are they saying in the comments?”

“Mostly good. Lots of pink and blue balloon emojis and stuff like that. I mean, there are a few comments that haven’t been the most supportive but you know people in general suck. Trust me, most of the posts say how much they love us. This was great for our brand.”

“Except the ones that think we’re giant frauds. If they only knew what we had to go through for you even to get pregnant.”

“And we might never have been able to do it without the studio’s backing and bankroll. Those IVF treatments are PRICEY. But my manager hasn’t steered us wrong yet, and when she said it was time, I knew we would get it done, regardless of what it took.”

“I thought you borrowed the money from your mom, Vicky. I would have never taken money from the studio for you to get pregnant. That doesn’t seem creepy to you?”

“Stop lying to yourself. Everything we have done for the last five years has been from the direction of the studio. You think I just woke up one day and wanted to ruin my perfect size four body with a baby?”

“I thought we had decided together.”

“Yeah we talked about it together, but it had already been decided by people much higher up the chain and us. At least, once Bob Hamilton the Plyo King signed the contract to train me after I have the kid. Can’t wait to get my -- Whoo! Holy hell!”

She rubbed her belly and Chad rushed over to her side.

“You ok? What’s going on?”

“Little bugger just kicked again is all. I keep telling you to calm it with the spices. Now it’s all restless in there. Thanks, now I know I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”

Then it was quiet for a few minutes. Vicky sat, shaking her head and thinking about whether two shots of tequila would really do the baby any harm. At least it wasn’t valium, and she just wanted a few hours of sleep. Chad was rubbing her feet.

“Do you love me?”

“Are you frigging kidding me right now?”

“I’m serious, Vick. You know how I feel about you. I’d do anything for you. But sometimes I feel like you only care about your stupid followers and I’m just window dressing.”

“Look, Chad, we’re good together. You’ve been by my side since I transitioned from modeling to influencer at twenty-four. You know what a tough time that was for me. I thought my life was over because I was already a has been and hadn’t hit thirty yet.”

“I remember…”

“We both learned very young that love is a word for dreamers, and in this world, success is Freddy effing Kruger. This world eats dreamers by the millions.”

“Maybe.”

“Honestly, if the studio weren’t behind this I probably wouldn’t even have a kid.”

“What?”

“Think about this crappy world we inherited. Our parents used it up and left us with global warming, megalomaniacs, and common colds that now can kill us. Without the studio, I don’t know how we could survive this shit and not go crazy.”

“We’d survive because we are a family, and that’s what families do.”

Vicky laughed hard in Chad’s face as she got up.

“Is that why we spend holidays in Aruba and St. Kitts? Because we love our families so much? You know better. And that joke made me have to go pee again. I swear this kid just has their foot on my bladder making me have to go all the time.”

Chad knew she was right about the families they left behind. Technically they both had been left behind by their families a long time ago. When he met Vicky and they clicked, he felt like maybe one day he could have what he saw on tv but never came home to. He knew she was a former celebrity and that cameras would probably always be part of her life, but he hoped they could still find a normal in that, whatever normal was. He was still contemplating the word normal when he heard her scream from the bathroom.

*****

There was no camera or light ring this time when the ultrasound technician started probing. There was no laptop. No remote audience. There were just the four of them in the room.

“Do you hear anything?” asked Chad.

“When did the bleeding start?”

“This evening, around seven. I keep telling Chad his tacos are too spicy and the baby kicked a few times.”

“I don’t hear anything. Should we be hearing something?”

“Was there any discharge before you came to the hospital?”

Vicky nodded.

“Why can’t we hear anything?”

“I think we should get you into surgery immediately, ma’am.”

Vicky consented, calmly.

Chad fainted and was taken to a nearby room for observation.

When he woke up, he looked around the room letting his eyes adjust to the hospital lights.

“How long was I out?”

“They gave you something to calm you down. You were getting hysterical and causing a scene.”

Gathering he got up and started towards her. She was sitting up in bed and holding something in her arms. She kept looking down and then back out into space.

“What happened?”

“The doctors felt they had to force delivery because something was definitely going wrong.”

He looked down into her arms at the bloody wrappings covering the still mass inside.

“Can… Can I see our baby?”

Vicky didn’t acknowledge him. She looked down again into her arms and then back out into a void somewhere directly straight ahead. When Chad pulled back the towels, he saw a small body slightly bigger than his fists if he put them side by side. His knees weakened looking over his first child’s dead body. 

As he scanned up and down and sobbed, his eyes stopped just above the torso. He looked closer to see why it seemed to bulge just above the shoulders, and when he made out the picture, he threw up there on the floor next to them. His eyes traced the umbilical cord still attached to Vicky down along her arm and wrapped around the neck of the body.

“They said they don’t know how it got tangled up like this. They have seen babies get turned around and things like that, but much closer to actual delivery dates. Never something like this with still more than a month to go. They didn’t want to say the last part, but I knew what they were thinking.”

Chad stood frozen. He wanted to move but he didn’t even know what he would do. He thought back to earlier when he was contemplating what family meant. He thought about everything he and Vicky said that night and her initial comments about bringing a child into this world. He wondered if children could really hear their parents from the womb, and what he might have felt if eavesdropped on their conversation. Then he looked down into Vicky’s arms at his child’s lifeless body. He knew she was difficult, but she was the only person he’d ever really loved. Whom he thought loved him. He had hoped they could love their child together. Then he remembered, love was a word for dreamers.