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February 16, 2020 1:15 AM


Dear Diary,

My day was really long. I worked my 9 to 5, came home cooked dinner for the family and even got a chance to watch the Shondaland shows on ABC. I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was sleep.


I went up to my room and got myself prepared for a night of sleep. I set the alarm on my phone to wake me up at 5:50 AM, slipped under my covers and closed my eyes, so ready to just let go and to let sleep take over.


It did for a little while but then my phone started to buzz and woke me up. I decided to pick it up to see who was hitting me up at One in the morning. It was Michael.


We had been good friends for a long time and then he had asked me to be the main lady in his life and so, I decided to give it a chance. Ever since, we had been dating. I thought that we were in a good place until I read his text.


Who knew that while I was lying comfortably in my bed settling comfortably into a groove, the guy in my life was busy at work putting together a text full of linguistical weapons to lull his mind of some thoughts he had that involved me.


“I don’t know what is wrong with you. I wach the way that you move, you no. You treet other men better than me. You are not supposed to have other male friends. I’m your friend. And you don’t love me, and I love you, so let’s call this thing over.”


I should have been sleeping like a log but instead, my focus was shifted to the never-ending stream of texts with incorrect spelling that the author of this war was sending. I didn’t understand why he decided to want to express these ideas in the middle of the night when all I wanted to do was sleep. And there I was forced to combat with the obstacle keeping me from la la land when he said, “why aren’t you ansawing? Are you with another guy right now? What are you doing?


I hope he stops texting because I’m really tired. I like him but I am not experiencing fireworks yet. Should I be? I mean, we have been seeing each other for about 5 months. Is that enough time to feel you are in love with someone? Should I be turned off by his inability to spell? LOL!

Lucy.


February 16, 2020 2:15 AM


Dear Diary,

I am not understanding what I did wrong. I said yes to being Michael’s girlfriend and now I am getting all these crazy texts, and this makes no sense.

The texts came in barrages.


“Lucy, I need to tawk to you.”

“You are not a gud person.”

“I’m coming to my girlfriend with a pwoblem and you are not helping me to solve it.”

“Lucy, wear you at?”


I was left without a choice but to answer. My phone suddenly became “la place de la revolution.” All I can say is that outrage found its grip on me because when sleep is my desire and I can’t get it, I have an attitude. His words beckoned me to enter into the fight to lash out a response.


 “I was sleeping. Are you okay?”


“No, you be getting on my last nerve and I’m tired of how you ignore the fakt that I love you. I treat you wail. I do a lot for you and you are not returning my feelings and it sucks. What the f#$%^&* is rong with you?”


I tried to warn his intrusion into my peace away, but he was not having it. So I told him that I was going back to sleep and he got mad and said,  “lisen, I’m not having it. I need answers.”


“Why aren’t you respondin?”

“Don’t I treet you well?”

“You should see the list of girls who are interested in me. I can call any of dem at any time and I invest in your stupid A#$% and you don’t get Sh&^%$.”


He started sending even longer texts meant for me to read all the way through which was hard because some of the texts, I could not understand.

Should I even be responding? It is the middle of the night. Why did he decide to do this now while I am half asleep? All I wanted to do was say goodbye until the next morning. All he wanted to do was wage a war that was armed with texts. But I refused to let him disrupt the entirety of my night and so I said, “Michael, can we talk about this in the morning.”

I’m hoping we will still be on good terms because he is not a bad guy. I like him and I think we can come to terms if we actually sit and talk in person. Hopefully that will be the case. Alright, I'm going back to bed.

Lucy!


February 16, 2020 2:45 AM


Dear Diary,

I thought that he would have given me the respect as someone he is calling his girlfriend to give me the space I needed. But nope, he just kept pushing and pushing.


“No Lucy, we need to tawk about this now. I’m sik and tied of giving you my all and you being this little B@#$%^ not even realizing it. Are you blind or just stupid?”


When did he start calling me names and cursing me out? This was so not the character of the man I knew that I actually enjoyed being around. Maybe something was wrong, or he was going through something. And so, I asked him, “Michael, have you been drinking or something? Why are you cursing at me? I am not cursing at you?”

I didn’t expect the response he was going to give me but he said, “lisen Lucy, I’m not afraid a you. I can do what I warrant, and nobody is going to stop me from beeing me. Don’t tell me how to ack or how I shood feel. Plus, I say I love you and you never respond. I’m tired of your bull crap.”


His words started a war and I was forced to argue back in the form of texts, though I didn't really want to.


“What bull crap?”

“We have been seaing each other 4 months. I pay for everything when we grow out.”

“Michael hold up. What? We only go out to eat and anybody can buy me food.”

“Oh, so you are a trump dem right Lucy? You go out with other mean and you let them penny for your time together. What else are you doing with them? Are you grieving it to dem?”


I think he called me a tramp. I was so hurt by that and wanted to just leave it there. I would have preferred to settle our differences in person and so I said, “Michael, I am tired, and it is 2AM. I need sleep because I have to get up early for work. Can we meet and talk about this in person instead?”


I hate texting arguments because it is so different than when words come tumbling over your teeth and tongue in person.


When speaking face-to-face, you can clarify what is being said for the recipient of your words to understand but texts can have a multitude of possible meanings; especially when a person is not so good at spelling. Sometimes those literary swords leave the reader confused. It is definitely making me rethink our relationship because he seems like an idiot bow that I am reading his texts. LOL!


I'm starting to think that maybe our relationship will never be able to thrive if we continue on texting in this way. His texts are filled with curse words, accusations and incorrectly spelled words and I wonder what happened to the sweet speaking, intelligent man he made me see when he was courting me. Was that all game?


We have only just begun, and he is acting like a spoiled brat at the age of five. I don't mind exchanging words with him, but he has me engaged in a childish argument that reminds me of what it felt like to be in a teenage relationship.


I want to keep what we had on a different level.


Hopefully, he will get that because I sure am tired but…

Lucy


February 16, 2020 3:15 AM


Dear Diary,

There I was thinking it was over. I lied down. I closed my eyes. I started envisioning rainbows and a pot of gold and then my ringer went off. Another text.


“Layta? Why not now? I’m up now. Let’s tawk now.”

“Lucy, are you thair with another man?”

“Why aren’t you responding?”

“Don’t you no I love you. Don’t you love me?”


Surely I thought he was going to let me sleep but I was wrong. And so, I texted him back and said, “Michael, we have had some good moments together, but I barely know you. What is wrong with getting to know each other more before professing love?”

“Lucy, how many times are you going to get a man to sweep you off your feet? I am sometimes the only one there for you. If you lose me, you are neva going to find a gud man like me who is going to treat you as gud as I do.”

How could love be such an instantaneous emotion? Is spending money on someone to eat considered love? Why do I have to be pushed to feel something? And cursing? Is the usage of derogatory words part of love? And so, I asked him, “I’m supposed to love someone who is cursing me out for not being able to articulate the same kind of feelings you have for me? I haven't cursed once. You keep cursing at me. Stop cursing at me. Matter fact; leave me alone.”


He kept aiming his senseless rage in my direction and I realized at that moment that we would probably never again be unified as one. I thought we were pretty cute together, but this was not making any sense. He kept going on and on and on.

“They willing to giv it to me at any time and you not willing to giv up those dum guys. Why do you have so many male friends? I’m your friend. You must be easy and giving it to evrybody. You know I be studying you like a buk.”

He tried to make me doubt in my physical prowess and I couldn’t meet with his gaze to truly articulate my point of view because he preferred to say his piece through difficult to decipher texts. Maybe he had just been reading a Nostradamus quatrain or something and got ideas of writing things that couldn’t easily be understood because it was sure killing my spirits as I tried to figure his texts out.

And so, I told him to leave me alone and now, it’s back to bed for me.

Lucy.


February 16, 2020 4:15 AM


Dear Diary,

Michael is not the man that I thought that he would be. I did not deserve to be pushed over the edge of reason in the middle of a battle when I should have been in the middle of my third dream. But no, instead he is sending me stupid texts like, “I’m not leavin this alone. I need to tawk," and “why aren’t you ansawing me?”


Maybe I really do like him because I keep responding. Is that normal? Is this love? Is he crazy? I'm confused.


I responded, “Leave me alone Michael. I’m trying to sleep.”

“Well, I’m awake. You need to be givin me an ansa right now.”

“We will talk in the morning.”

“No, we r going to settle this ting rite now.”


No matter what I tried to get him to stop texting me, he refused to give it a rest. He kept unleashing the dogs of war my way.

There was no way of me assuaging his negative feelings. I could not get rid of the uneasiness I was experiencing. I wondered if he ever took the time to truly evaluate his own character. We couldn’t come to a peaceful interlude. And, I only had a scant long of patience left before I would start cursing back at him. So, I said, “Michael, I will not answer anymore texts. That’s it.


“I don’t have time for this. I need sleep. Good night.”


Hopefully he will get the picture and will call me tomorrow and we can meet in person and talk then. Back to sleep.

Lucy!


February 16, 2020 5:00 AM


Dear Diary,

Well there goes my night. He is not letting me sleep. He keeps sending me texts and it is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.


“You don’t need sleep. You need a walking brain you idiot.”

 “Why are you being so mean to me? I didn’t do anything to you. But you’re calling me and cursing me out and calling me names and this thing is getting chaotic. Let’s talk tomorrow okay. “

I only have a few minutes of sleep left. Hopefully I can at least get that.

Lucy


February 16, 2020 6:00 AM


Dear Diary,

My night was a never-ending journey. I tried getting Michael to respect my boundaries, but he is so hardheaded.

He sent texts all the night long until the light came shining in from my window. What a way to enter into a day; devoid of joy or rest. Threads of sunlight came weaving through and I had not slept even a wink.

Our argument became an important learning experience for me. I need to stop using my phone as my morning alarm. I thought I was doing the right thing. Instead, it kept ringing all night. No matter how many times I touched sleep or snooze, those theatrical texts kept coming.

He got through my broken defenses because I let him and now I am forced to walk through the world like a zombie thinking about the war that was forged on a sleeping warrior. 


Hopefully I’ll be able to get through it.


As for Michael, who knows what will become of our relationship. What I do know is that I see him in a whole different light and if we ever do get to speak face-to-face about all of this, I will tell him just that in person; because breaking up is hard to do over the phone. And if he protests, I have all the ridiculous texts as evidence on why he doesn’t deserve a woman like me.


Well, here is to a new day.

Lucy. 

April 11, 2020 01:10

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