“Boys in the Woods”: A Miller South Teens Short Story by Tori L. Day

The next morning, the boys were still asleep, yet something was different. Finn rolled over and stuck his hand out. He arched his eyebrows when we felt a blade of grass around his fingers. He opened his eyes and saw a dandelion in his face and closed them. Suddenly, his eyes popped open and he sat up and looked around. He let out a scream that woke the others. They jumped up and saw that they were in the middle of a forest.

"What happened?? What is going on?!" Finn shouted.

"Where's the hotel?" said Dylan.

"Surprise!" yelled Mason. He emerged from a tent and went over to the boys. "Good morning. Hope you all had a good sleep. As you can tell, we are out in the wilderness and we're completely lost."

"Mason, what is going on? We can't be out here," Dylan pointed out. 

"Sure we can. Why? 'Cause, this is what Mother Nature intended for us."

"I think Scott's been watching too much television," Sam quipped.

Finn then asked. "You mean you brought us out here in the middle of nowhere and expect us to live like scavengers?"

"Yeah. Ain't it great?"

"What are we gonna eat for food?" asked Brian.

"Never fear, gents. I always come prepared for situations like this." Sam pulls out a Ziploc bag filled with cocktail wieners. "Ta-da! Weenie anyone?"

"Nice, Sam," Brian commended.

"Smart thinking," Dylan added.

"No!" Suddenly, Mason snatches the bag from Sam and hurls it over the cliff. The boys went over and watched the wieners fall. 

"ARE YOU INSANE!?! Those took me hours to broil!"

"Sorry, boys, but there will be no processed foods on this trip. From now on, it's hunting and fishing. Just like our ancestors."

"Next time we get dragged out here, I'm not sharing food with any of you guys."

"Here, I'll call Xenna and have her come pick-'' Dylan notices something wrong. His digitalwatch was missing. It was replaced with a normal watch. He chuckled nervously and went over to Mason. "Uhh, Mason, where's my watch?"

"Yeah, mine's gone, too," said Brian.

"I took all of our digitalwatches and phones and gave them to Ralph. They're in his office as we speak."

"What?!"

"Mason!"

"Are you crazy, man??"

"If by "crazy" you mean "creative", then yes."

"What about MIRV?" said Brian.

"I gave him the day off."

Meanwhile, MIRV was having a pint of oil with two yellow Jaguars.

"So...do you two frequent here often?"

Back in the forest, Mason walks over to Finn and Dylan wraps his arms around them. "Listen, guys, I've been doing a lot of thinking. What good is being cooped up in a hotel when we have all the freedom out here? Being outdoors gives us a chance to connect with our instincts. Think about it: why waste money buying pizza and tacos all the time when nature provides all the free food we need? Like this pine cone. Nature's natural source of fiber." 

Mason attempts to eat the pine cone, only to struggle and look ridiculous while doing it. After multiple tries, he finally bit into it...and spit out the pieces. His friends couldn't help but watch Mason make a fool out of himself. "Mmm, delicious," he muttered. 

"Look, Mason, we don't know what kind of prank you got us involved in, but it's not funny," Dylan scolded. "Can you please take us home?"

"Come on, Dylan. It'll be fun," Mason reassured. "We have an opportunity to show that we're capable of embracing the Wild." He walks over and stands proudly over the cliff. "Today, we're no longer secret agents living in a fancy hotel. We will follow in the footsteps of our primal ancestors. Let no obstacle stand between us and survival." A mouse appears, only to be eaten by a snake. The snake was then caught by a hawk which was then caught by a mountain lion.

"Why am I getting the feeling this will end poorly?" said Dylan.

"So, what'll it be, gentleman? Are we agents or are we gonna be men?"

"....men," the boys groaned. 

"Alright. That's what I like to hear." Mason goes over to the tent. "Come on. Our stuff's in the tent."

When Mason was out of sight, Sam quipped: "So, how long you guys think it'll take Scott to crack?"

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For the afternoon, the boys spent their time hiking up mountains and roaming on trails with their bags. Mason was enjoying it, but the others? Not so much. Sam used a rubber band to flick a pebble at Brian's head. Brian looks at him angrily and Sam pretends to be oblivious. Finn was too busy daydreaming about food and Xenna to notice the tree that he was running into. 

After crossing a stream, they came across a vacant cave. Finn went to check it out when he heard a low growl and backed away. After that, they continued their hike through a field. A butterfly flew next to Mason and landed on his hand. He looked back to see more butterflies with Brian, Dylan, and Finn. Sam was covered from head to toe in them. After all the butterflies left, the boys stumbled upon a path that was blocked off by a pile of logs.

"Yes!" Mason exclaimed.

"Uhh, why is this a yes?" asked Finn.

"Guys, this is our chance to show that we're perfectly capable of surviving anything in the wild because we are..."

"....men." The boys proceeded to move the logs from the path. As they were digging, Brian moved a log out of the way and got covered in the fire ants. "Uh, Mason? What are these red ants?"

"Why, Brian, they're not red ants. They're..." He looks to see the same ants crawling on his hands. "FIRE ANTS!!"

The boys began to scream and roll around in the dirt to get the fire ants off. They ran from the log pile and back down the opposite way. While running, Sam tripped and collided with the others, causing them to roll down the hill and land in a nearby lake. After that fiasco, Mason emerged from the lake and looked around. 

"We're alive! Whoo! See guys..." The boys then emerged from the lake as well. "I told you we could do it. Sooo...who's hungry?"

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After a long hour of picking ants out of their clothes, Mason decided to fish in the nearby lake. He and the others stood out in the middle using sticks they sharpened to look like a makeshift spear. For the past three minutes, they caught nothing but shoes, tires, and other miscellaneous junk.

"Don't worry, you guys," said Mason. "Once we grab some fish, we'll be good to go."

Finn just groaned and lifted his stick from the water. Attached to his spear was just a boot. He took it off and continued to hunt for fish.

"Man, there's nothing in this lake. Let's just go somewhere else," Sam groaned.

"Where? We're, like, in the middle of nowhere," Finn replied. "And unless you got a backup phone on you, this is probably the only lake that's in our reach." He slaps a mosquito and resumes fishing.

On the other side of the lake, Dylan and Brian were fishing and swatting away mosquitoes too. Sam scratched his leg fiercely. 

"Man, what is in this water? I feel like something's gnawing on my leg." He lifts his leg up and his eyes grew big. His leg was covered by black, blood-sucking worms. "AAH!! LEECHES!! LEECHES! THERE ARE LEECHES IN THE LAKE!!"

Soon, all of the boys lifted their legs and freaked out over the sight of the leeches. One by one, they ran out of the lake and over to a set of bushes. They began to remove the leeches from their legs and any leeches that caught on to their arms. Mason went over to Finn and removed the leeches from his back.

After getting the leeches off, Dylan shuttered and said: "Alright. Did we get them all?"

"I think so."

After getting rid of the leeches, the boys walked out of the bushes and sat on the edge by the lake.

"So, what are we gonna eat now?"

"Well, there might be some deer or pigs in the forest. Maybe we'll wait until one goes."

"Oh, great. That's nice," Sam snarked. "So, we'll wait until food comes to us. Is that right?"

"Well, do you wanna continue searching in the aquatic landfill? I mean, come on, what could happen while we wait?"

Suddenly, a pack of mountain lions emerged from the bushes and surrounded the boys.

"Mason?"

"Yeah...?"

"Is this what you had in mind for food?"

"Not really." Soon enough, the boys found themselves being chased throughout the forest by the cougars.

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Later on, after the boys lost the mountain lions, they sat around a fire, itching, and scratching their bodies.

"Cheer up, guys," Mason began. "So, we got covered in leeches, chased by cougars, and caught poison ivy, but it's not so bad."

"Mason's right, guys," added Brian. "This could be really good for us."

"That's your hunger talking, Brian," said Dylan.

"Oh, yeah."

Suddenly, Finn's stomach growled. He cradled it and let out a slight groan. He had never been this hungry. 

"Hey," said Brian. "Dylan."

"What?"

"I'm so hungry."

"I know. Me too."

"Hey, you guys know what'll sound good right?" asked Finn.

"Moo shu pork..." The three boys high-fived each other.

"Yo, if we ever get out of this, I wanna splurge and go to that Chinese place up in Queens," Brian explained.

"You mean "the Quiet Garden"?" 

"Yeahh..." Brian signed. "I want them to make their dumplings bigger than they do so I can hold it like a baby."

"What I want is the barbecue pork pizza that Gino has," said Finn.

"Or how about we get some dumplings, line them up in the pizza, and then eat it like a big burrito?" said Dylan. 

"Yes! It's like we're the same person!" Brian exclaimed. "Okay, we could stuff dumplings in another set of dumplings, and then those dumplings in more dumplings, and then place them in the pizza, roll it up, and then deep fry it, and then serve it with teriyaki and duck sauce!" Brian moans as he facepalms himself. He sighs and says, "Keep it together, Brian."

Listening to their thoughts, Mason hung his head low. He didn't expect to hear their complaints. He thought getting his friends out to the Wild was a good idea. Now, he's starting to doubt his own plan. He missed the hotel, Ralph, and the girls. He can only imagine what they were doing now. Soon, he began to crave food himself. In fact, he was starting to smell food. He took a long sniff and his eyes widened.

"Hey, you guys smell that?" The boys began to sniff as well.

"What do you mean?"

"Come over here. I smell something." Finn walks over to Mason and sniffs again. "You smell it?"

"Smells like pork."

"Wait. I smell it, too," said Dylan. Soon, they heard a rustling of a bag and looked over to Sam. He was huddled to the side, fumbling with something. The boys went over and circled around Sam.

"Sam."

"Yea?" He muttered.

"You wouldn't happen to have more of those weenies, do you?"

"...no?" 

Finn went over and took a bag from him. "He's got weenies!"

"Give those back!" 

"What??"

"You had more weenies and didn't share with us??"

"I'm sorry! I was gonna share, but I couldn't help myself."

"Wait," said Dylan. "Problem: there's only three."

Brian buts in. "Oh, great. I want it."

"No," said Mason. "We are gonna share it."

"No way. You're the one who got us in this mess," Finn pointed out. "If anyone's gonna eat them, it's us."

"Now, Finn, don't let Mason starve over this," said Dylan. "All we wanted was for us to test our survival skills."

"Oh, yeah? By getting us lost? By making us get poison ivy? By cutting us from our girlfriends and every food that was in a 5-mile radius from our hotel??"

"Now, Finn. Let's calm down-"

"You calm down, idiot! All of this started because you watched that stupid commercial!"

"Hey, don't call me an idiot!"

As the argument heats up, Dylan tries to get through to them. "Guys, stop!" 

"Well, then, what should I call you? A dummy? A dunce? A fool? Come on, I can go all night."

"Hey, while you guys fight, I'm just gonna grab my bag of weenies back."

"Oh no!" Finn snatches the bag from Sam. "You aren't gonna finish eating this after you almost ate the whole bag!"

"Well, let me eat it," said Brian when he took the bag from Finn. "In case you forgot, me and Dylan haven't eaten either."

"Well, get in line."

"Give me the wieners, Finn!"

"Make me!" Soon, both boys were fighting over the bag. 

"Alright, guys," said Mason. "Guys! Stop fighting!" 

Mason and Dylan try to pull Finn and Brian from each other. Sam just stood back, watching everything unfold. Mason was able to pull Finn away but lost his balance when he tripped on a twig. When they fell, Finn lost his grip on the wieners, and they went into the fire. 

"No!" Finn frantically used a stick to try to fish the wieners out, but only got a melted sandwich bag. "NO!! That was our only source of food, and it's gone!"

"Since when was it "our" source of food?" Brian rebutted. "You were the one who wanted to eat them!"

"Didn't you hear me the first time? I was gonna also share with you guys."

"Yeah, right. Like you were gonna share after tackling me."

Finn directs his attention to Sam. "This is your fault as always! If you haven't been so greedy and actually shared your weenies with us, we wouldn't be starving!"

"What are you blaming me for?! Mason was the one who dragged us out here in the first place!"

"Hey, I wanted us to have a good time! You guys ruined the fun when you started to complain and fight over boiled sausages!"

"For the last time, I don't boil my wieners. I broil them. There's a difference between broiling and boiling something!"

Suddenly, the boys began to argue and yell at each other. Before anything serious could happen, they heard the powerful cracking of thunder. Then, raindrops began to fall and grew heavier, putting out the fire.

"Oh, well, ain't this sweet?" Finn quipped. "We have no food, our fire's out, we're lost, and now, we're wet!" He walked over and sat under a tree.

"Come on. Let's go under this tree." The boys followed Dylan and sat under another tree. Finn, still steamed, sat away from the others.

"Finn? Finn, why are you over there? Finn!" Finn just ignored Mason. "Great." He got up and went over to sit with him. "Hey, Finn."

"Go away, man. I'm not in the mood."

"Finn, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would happen like this. I should've just asked you guys before dragging you out here. Look, if it makes you happy, we'll go home when the rain stops."

The anger in Finn's face soon vanished. Even though this day had been disastrous, they were still brothers regardless. "Hey, bro. I didn't mean what I said. About calling you an idiot and all."

"No, man. You were right. I was being dumb to think we could be wild men and survive out here. We're probably gonna die out here and the worst part is no one's gonna know."

"Hey, don't worry, bro. We'll get out of here. Who knows, the girls at the hotel probably noticed our disappearance and are looking for us right now." 

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While Mason and Finn were talking, the other boys were sitting on the other side, hungry and miserable. Suddenly, Brian began to smell something. "Hey, guys. You smell that?"

Dylan sniffs the air and says: "Yeah, soggy hair and sadness. Come on, man. This is no time for jokes."

"No, literally. Smell again. I smell meat."

"Hey, don't look at me. I lost all of my wieners," said Sam. 

"No, it's not wieners. Mason! Finn! Come over here." The two boys went over to others and sniffed the air. "You guys smell that?"

"Yeah," Mason replied. "It kinda smells like burgers."

Finn's eyes widened. "Burgers?"

"It does smell like burgers!"

"It's probably a diner somewhere close!" 

"Come on!" 

The boys got up and followed the smell through the forest. It was too dark for them to see anything, but the beautiful thought of eating thick and juicy burgers kept moving. They were too focused to see a cliff coming up. One by one, the boys fell and trampled and fell down a hill and crashed into a bush. They rose up from the bush to see a beautiful sight: a gorgeous diner up ahead. 

"Food!"

"Telephone!"

"And a decent bathroom!"

"Come on, men. We feast...on hamburgers!"

The boys whooped and cheered as they ran down the hill toward the diner.