Caramel Eyes

WARNING: Contains car accident and loss of life

“No chance Madeline. No way I’m doing that. I told you, I’m not doing it anymore.” Andrew was pacing across the living room now. I wish I would’ve given up. I wish I could’ve told him okay like any other person would but I didn’t. “Cmon Andrew! It’s not that hard! You’re my cool older brother right?” He was 5 years older than me, and was 15 at the time. I was merely 10. We had a good relationship, the best actually. He always gave me gifts and took me with him to parties. He had a girlfriend, but she was mean to me so he dumped her. I’ve always loved him more than anything. Now, our mother was away, and I was being the normal little sister brat I had to be. I was trying to get him to take the car out again. We would watch as the sun dipped below the mountains and talked endlessly while sharing Chinese food with only a sliver of light from the moon. We used to do it all the time, before mom found out one night. She banned us from doing it again, but I wasn’t ready to give it up. It was always my favorite thing, but he was under 16 and it wasn’t legal, but it wasn’t far at all. For some reason I wasn’t concerned about it. I was so excited when he agreed, I wish I knew what I had coming. We had always been so close, never fighting, never in a bad mood. He did everything for me. He grabbed the keys, and I still remember how he flipped them on his pinky before catching it in his hand. I thought that was so cool. “Fine Mads. Get out there. Don’t forget your coat, mom will kill me even more if she finds out not only I drove, but let you sit out there freezing.” I did as I was told and we started on the road. We watched the sunset and I got to pick my favorite food. He took the leftover money from the stash we got in case of emergency. “Anything new Maddy?” He started with the same question he always did. “Well Marie didn’t invite me to her sleepover and made me really mad. I don’t want to talk to her at school, but she keeps trying to talk to me. What do I do Andy?” His eyes looked misty now but alive with joy. I knew he loves this too, almost as much as I did. "Well Maddy have you tried listening to what she has to say? Maybe she wants to apologize or explain?” “I don’t know. She doesn’t seem like she wants too.” I responded. “Do you know what exoneration means?” He asked. I shook my head and I remember exactly how he explained it. “Exoneration means not blaming someone. Maybe it was her moms fault? Or she didn’t have enough room?” He shrugged his shoulders as he explained. He did make a valid point. “What’s new with you?” I asked nudging his shoulder. He nudged me back and we both dissolved into light laughter. “Well I have another essay due. I’m kind of scared I won’t submit it in time. I fully forgot about it and-“ I know it was my fault he forgot. He was stuck taking care of me everyday after school. He always left school early to meet me at my school too. “Its fine though Mads.” He Shot me a small smile before getting up and brushing himself off. “Cmon. we better beat mom back.” He reached out his hand and pulled me up. At least once a week, mom worked late and we would sneak out here. We never got caught, Andrew looked like he was 20 anyways. On the way back it was pitch black and I was still being a chatterbox, while he laughed at something I was saying. I was laughing so hard I had to put my head in my hands and didn’t see in front of us. A semi truck came out of nowhere. The first thing I heard was him yelling before I looked up to the truck crashing head first. Before the police could even come he died. Just like that. I didn’t even have time to fully process it. The doctors tried to tell me it would be okay, but my entire world fell apart. I didn’t know who to go to or anything. Mom had to keep working, so I found myself home alone with my thoughts a lot. Every night I went to that sunset spot to try and distract myself from everything. It felt like I could talk to him again. I would walk, it was only a few miles after all. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it. It felt like I was still with him when I went. I showed up at the same spot nearly 4 years after. I sat on a rock, it’d been a hard day for me. I’d made tradition of spilling my thoughts to him, just like I used to do. But this time was different. Leaves crunched near me as someone called out to me. “Hello? Who’s there?” It was a boy. He revealed himself and he wasn’t like any boy I’d ever seen. He had red hair like Andrew did, but his eyes had a different glint in them. It wasn’t playful, no. It was new and I couldn’t quite place it. It almost seemed comforting in a way. He smiled when he saw me and stretched out his hand. “Michael.” He announced proudly. I knew the state of me had to be crazy, I was just sobbing to my dead brother after all. Oh my god I was crazy. I was insane actually. Getting out there and talking to my dead brother I haven’t even heard the voice of in 4 years? God. “Maddy.” I responded deciding that he would’ve known I was crazy when he walked up to me. I shook his hand, and I didn’t know why, but I trusted him. He seemed genuine and he reminded me of Andrew. He sat next to me and we watched the sunset. “I’ve never been here before. Have you? I haven’t seen you around.” I nodded, unsure if saying more would help my case. He kept talking, and I stayed quiet. He didn’t know it, but he was helping me more than he knew. The next night he was there again, and the next, and the one after that. It became tradition for us to talk to each other like there was no tomorrow. It continued for months, him talking and me ready to listen. Some nights I would be talking more though. I had gotten used to him by now, and even felt some comfort in talking to him. “Maddy? Would you want to meet at like a restaurant or something? I don’t know how you feel and it’s kind of killing me.” He broke my daydream. I didn’t know how I felt at the time, I think I was too young to know, but one thing I did know was this was what I had waited for. These months had been filled with a joy I hadn’t seen in 4 years. The same joy I had with my brother. Years I had waited for it again, longing for the feeling of freedom I got with him. Was this it? Was this what I finally needed? I agreed to go with him, still unsure, but I figured I would try. He invited me to a diner to grab a shake one day. I spent hours getting ready, trying to make myself look presentable at the very least. I chose a dress, even though it was only a diner. I took my seat at the bar right next to Michael. He smiled as I sat, and shot me a small wink. “Hey Maddy. You look great.” I thanked him with a small smile growing on my face. We sat in silence for a few moments. “I ever tell you why I go to the sunset that night?” He asked softly. He talked a lot, sure, but he’s never mentioned that. “My mother. She had passed a few days before at the time” his eyes were watery now, and my hand reached to grab his. “My brother. Same thing. About 4 years ago.” He looked at me his eyes softening. “When I met you my world changed for the better I think. I haven’t talked like that to anyone ever. I felt like I could trust you ever since I saw you sitting on that rock, your tear streaked face illuminated. I thought you were an angel.” “I think mine did too. I was still suffering, and I had no one to talk to about it. Every day on Earth felt like another day in hell. Then you came along;” I smiled at him. “And suddenly everything felt so much better. I wanted him back for all those 4 years, every single day. But once I met you, I think I figured this is the next best thing.” We just sat there looking at each other for a bit. His eyes were a caramel brown color that made me want to melt suddenly. His hair tousled in a perfect way. His hand moved to cup my face water still in his eyes and he leaned in to kiss me. From the moment our lips met sparks flew and I could feel a part that had been missing feel repaired again. Not fully, but like it was slowly pieced back together. He held my heart together with the small glue I needed all these years, and for the first time since I felt alive.