Opening Up

“I can’t believe he would do something like that to me!” She yelled, clutching my old, worn out teddy bear with all her might. He’s definitely seen better days. If my teddy bear was a living, breathing human being, his face would definitely be blue with the lack of oxygen from being held so tight.

“Hang in there Teddy.” I thought as I sat down on the small, two seat sofa in my studio apartment. I called the sofa the “Talking Space”. It was more of a one sided rant rather than a talking space with me interjecting once or twice but sometimes actual conversation does happen. On does when Hailey wasn’t a hormonal teenager. Oh wait. That’s everyday. Anyway, that’s why my sofa, now drenched in snot and tears, ew, is called the “Talking Space”. While my bed, which is in the corner of my room, is the “Crying Corner.” Last but not least, the kitchen table is the, “Hoggernut.” ...Yeah I know what you’re thinking. The first two titles make sense but the last one, is a bit um, quirky I guess but trust me it fits perfectly with what Hailey does. She rants to me in the “Talking Space”, is a sobbing, depressing mess in the “Crying Corner.” and after she has exhausted all of her energy and wakes up after crying herself to sleep...she’s a raving maniac who stuffs her face with MY food, while always, successfully emptying out my entire fridge and pantry. You know I still don’t get how she doesn’t get fat with all the food she eats. Like how?! Also this Hailey Storm happens quite frequently...give or take in a month about 3 times. If it’s really, bad and I mean really, really bad, she’ll be coming almost every week...but hey, at least she goes shopping with me to stock up my fridge and pantry, with all her favorite foods, and pays for it. So, yes. This is an okay transaction. Anyway, I got off track. Let’s go back to this particular, normal, midsummer night. 

“Well...what happened this time?” I asked, passing her a box of tissues.

“Hmm thanks.” She said and blew her nose, very loudly if I might add.

“Well...go on then.” This isn’t the first time she’s had issues with her boyfriends and exs.

“Listen Avey, that son of a bitch told me he had to do an assignment last minute and couldn’t make it to our date.” “Uh huh.” I nodded and ripped open a bag of potato chips and proceeded to plop one in my mouth. “

Last minute! I got all ready and waited for an hour in front of the mall. An hour! I was messaging and calling him before but he didn’t pick up and I thought he forgot and was sleeping!”

“Okay.”

“And when he finally picks up you know what he says.”

“What?”

“That he had his phone off and was doing this assignment and was really, really sorry with his apologetic puppy voice.”

“Oh.”

“And you know I’m such a sucker for that voice of his.”

“Yep.” She was really a simple minded girl who dreams of dating a popular, rich guy and ending up happily ever after. All those darn Disney movies with princesses have really spoiled her silly. She literally dreamt of marrying Prince William of the British royal family and becoming a princess herself. Well she dropped that one fast. Not cause he’s a married man who has kids, God she’d still chase after him and knows she would succeed in winning, but that he’s, wait for it...bald. Yep this is literally what she said,

“I don’t care if he’s a married man. The more of a challenge the merrier. But good God the fact he’s bald is a big, no, no in my books. What’d he do to have hair loss at that age?”

“Cheat on his wife.” I thought but kept it to myself. Anyway, she’s a simple minded girl who dreams of becoming a princess and living in a big castle with her prince charming. Sigh. Disney’s theme of “Every girl is a princess” has really stuck to her. Anyway…

“I told him that it was okay and that we could take a rain check.” “Hmm hm.” I said munching away.

“And after I hung up I was so upset. I wore a new dress and wanted him to say I looked...I looked…” “Cool.”

“Cute, yes. Anyway, it took forever to get ready. You know how getting reading for dates are.”

“Yeah, totally…” NOT! Hah, never been on a date, not even one remotely close. But even when me and Hailey meet up to hang out, she takes bloody forever to get ready, so trust me when she gets ready for a date, you best know that she might not have gotten any sleep the night before. In a way, I admire her dedication to fashion and dolling up. Me, I just throw on whatever’s in my closet, which mostly consists of worn out jeans and stained shirts. Heck, sometimes I’ll just walk on right out in my Pikachu PJs. That’s right. I own Pikachu PJs and own anime merch and I’m not ashamed y’all. 

“Since I was already at the mall, hic. I thought I could do some shopping.”

“Good idea.” Nothing like spending a little money to cure away your blues. “Then...then...I say it.” “...A ghost in broad daylight. Damn.” “Wait, what? No!”

“No? Oh okay.”

“I say him…”

“...Who?”

“Connor he…”

“Condom who?” I thought.

“He was...with another girl.”

“...oh...shit.”

“Yeah and I just stood there shocked.”

“I bet you did.”

“He just put his phone away and that little plastic, barbie doll.” “Don’t we just hate Barbie dolls? Cause I sure know I do.” I thought. I was more of an action figure and teddy bears kind of gale.

“Asked in her stupid high voice, ‘Who was that?’ while wrapping her long, ugly red nails around his arm. Gosh I wish it’d just break off.”

“I see.” I said. I looked down at my chewed up nails and stuffed my mouth again.

“Then Connor said...he said…”

“...He said?” I said in a bored tone.

“That it was just my annoying girlfriend...who...who I plan to...break up with soon.”

“...Fuck.” This Condom was one hell of a dirtbag. Stupid playboy is gonna get what’s coming to him sooner or later. Karma's a beep. 

Hailey started to sob again.

“There, there.” I said rubbing her back with my potato chippy hands. Shoot.

“So, uh. What happened next?” I asked but honestly I just shouldn’t have cause I kinda knew what she might have done.

“I walked on over to him...and...slapped him across the face.” “Hails…”

“Then I tackled and destroyed that plastic Barbie.”

“Hailey what the hell!?”

“She deserved it! ASFAFSG! Waahhhh!” She started to sob harder and squeezed Teddy. I mean if I were her I’d probably do the same but trust me. You don’t want to mess with Hailey. She may look all sweet and innocent, and she is. But, when you get on her bad side...just run. Run as fast as you can and you might just get away if she’s wearing heels that is. Trust me she’s a total demon when she’s angry. 

I sighed. “Okay, okay. Calm down.” I said and threw my arms around her shoulders. “It’s gonna be okay. Did you um...get, you know.” “Daddy, *sniffle* got me out of the police station in 5 minutes.” “Hurray for papá.” I’m pretty sure you can figure out at this point, if not before, that Hailey is from a really well off, and I mean really well off, family. They be stackin. He’s a conglomerate. Yep that sums it up nicely. Gosh that scene sounds like some Wattpad story. Ew I just got the shivers.  

“It’s...just...it’s just not fair Avey. Why is it always me?” She said in her now pouty voice which trust me anyone would do anything for. I’m now immuned though.

“Hails, Hails it’s gonna be okay. He was a douchebag to begin with.” “But...but...I really thought he was the one.”

“Yeah…” You said that about the last 50 of them too.

“Well… he’s not so let’s forget about that piece of trash.”

“Hmm.”

“If he texts you don’t, don’t open and read the messages.”

“Hm.”

“And don’t even think about picking up his call.”

“Hm.”

“Better yet, just block his ass.”

“Hm.”

“It’s okay. You’ll find someone better.”

“Hmm...but what if I don’t.”

“You will…” He’s out there somewhere. Maybe… 

“You know...I’m really sorry that I always do this.”

“Huh?”

“I act like this and give you such a hard time Avey.”

“No...not really.” Well, this is a first. I mean she never acted like this before. That must mean someone serious must have happened. “Avery.” She said and turned to look at me with her swelled up green gem eyes. Okay this is scary. She said my full name. So either:

A: I’m in trouble

B: I’m in really, really big trouble

C: I’m dead meat. Yeah all 3 options don’t look real great. 

“Why...why don’t you ever date?”

“...I what?”

“Why aren’t you in a relationship with anyone?” I looked at her dumbfounded. This seems familiar. This question came up before and I just brushed it aside saying there was nobody who was really my type or that I didn’t know what my type was yet and then Hailey set me up with a bunch of random dates. Ugh. just the thought of that gives me the creeps.                        

“Psh guys are overrated Hails. I’m way too busy with my life than to squeeze someone else in.”

“I’m serious Avery.”

“...”

“I feel like...I’m the only one who’s opening up about my feelings. I know what kind of person I am. A spoiled brat who loves to throw tantrums.”

“Hails.”

“No Avey.” She said putting her hand up. “Let me finish. I know what kind of person I am and I don’t plan to change because I like myself just the way I am.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “That’s completely fine.”

“And I’m so blessed to have a friend like you. You’re the best. You treat me like a normal girl and not some heiress to her family's lineage. You’re like my sister, just a thousand times better.”

“Gee thanks.” Her older sister Melisa can be a real pain in the ass. “And because I care about you bunches...I want to be honest with you.”

“Okay...shoot away.” I was kinda nervous with what she was going to say.

“I feel...I feel like you wear a mask, Avey. you always listen to me but at times you just zone out. Like you listen, but not really. You’re not really good at expressing your emotions and you don’t talk a whole lot with others. You...seem distant at times. Avey...are you scared of opening up?” And there it was. That was just...wow I was overwhelmed in an instant. I mean...it was a lot to take in.

“Hails what do you…” “

Please be honest with me.” She said, taking my hands in hers. “It’s my time to listen. I want to talk about you right now. I want to listen to what you have to say and not just blabber on about my stupid love life.”

“...Oh...okay. Um…” What...what do I say next. “What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything and everything. But what I first want to hear is why you don’t ever try going out with someone? Is it because you don’t like dating?”

“Well...there’s that.” I say. Honestly, I don’t know. She’s really putting me on the spot. Gosh I feel so not composed and don’t know what to say. The “Talking Space” was supposed to be where Hailey talks and I provide, well, emotional support I guess. I mean, I just never thought it’d turn into a, you know, actual talking space. “Avey.” Hailey said looking worriedly at me.

“Huh?”

“You went all quiet.”

“Oh...Oh sorry about that. Um…”

“Listen. If you don’t feel comfortable to tell me…”

“No...it’s not that...I just don’t. Really know how to put it into words.”

“Take all the time you need. I’m going to wait like you always do for me.”

“Oh...hmm.” I said, giving her a smile. 

I don’t really know how much time passed. But both my legs fell asleep but Hailey held my hands the whole time.

“So…” I said at last. “I think...I’m asexual…”

“...A what?”

“Right. Yeah, no I had to look it up too.” The both of us are supporters of the LGBTQ community and there’s so many who fit in this community. With that said, there’s a lot of labels and I personally just don’t know a whole lot of them and was never a fan of labels to begin with. “Um so...in the short run it basically means I just don’t feel attracted to any smex…”

“Like at all?”

“Kind of and sometimes. I really don’t know. I just. I think...I hate love...if that makes sense.” 

I’ve seen a bunch of times the stereotypical love stories and relationships play around me. I feel like they’re really...annoying. Typically. I find them fake and I just, I don’t really know. I’m just not satisfied. I don’t know if I want something more or what. I just don’t like it and don’t even want to think about being in one. 

“I see. I kind of get you. It’s too much drama.”

“Haha yeah. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on finding your prince charming.”

“Poof. Okay...Let’s talk more.”

That night the two of us talked more about me than her. I talked about my feelings and what kind of person I think I am. We ate and talked all night. We fell asleep on that couch and I woke to an early morning where the sun was just starting to rise. Hails was slumped over my shoulder drooling. Ew. A blanket was on us and our hands and legs all tangled up. I looked out my window and early summer morning. I don’t like love. Being in a relationship is way too complicated for my taste. But I’m really thankful for having a friend like you. I feel like I got a load of my shoulder. I spent the rest of that early morning looking out at the damp morning. Listening to the snore of my best friend. Wishing that I could return to that midnight summer once again.