Meet us at The Tree

The giant, tangled roots of the willow tree stood as firm as I had remembered it. The makeshift steps haphazardly nailed against the strong, unweathered bark. I smiled at our valiant, but honestly pathetic attempt at the treehouse. that was one of the projects that was over before it began. Just like when we thought we were going to be millionaires off of our sweet shop business. Or when we hijacked Andi’s older brothers film camera and had a stab at being big time directors.

I wondered if there had been a definitive moment in our lives where we decided this was no longer the safe haven dedicated to endless adventures, sharing secrets, being young.

When did we communally commit to putting the endless afternoons of joy to eternal rest? 

Sighing, I knelt down under the tree, the stretching wisps of the willow rustling in the September wind. Somwhere under this browning grass was where we had burried Ted’s dog, Mr Patrick, when we were 10. That was the first time I had seen Ted cry. Even Andi was tearing up, and she hadn’t even cried when the boys tipped Harry’s ant farm onto her hair. Or when her brother found out we had put his expensive camera through a lot of trauma. And a bush.

Andi had always acted the strongest, more daring of the three girls that formed our group of five.

“Well look who made it.” I didn’t need to look up to find Shonah’s beaming face staring down at me in mock bewilderment. “Gracing us with your presence finally.” She teased, grabbing my hand and pulling me up forcefully but with unsurprising and unfaltering strength. For someone only just notching 5 foot tall, Shonah was incredibly strong. 

I rollled my eyes at her charade. I had only been gone a year and a half, but maybe it felt like longer for my friends. I had tried to keep in contact as often as I could, but with time zones and dodgy internet connections…

“It’s so good to see you.” Shonah’s jesting expression was replaced with a softer, sincere one. I remembered why we were meeting here, at our tree. 

Shonah hadn’t changed pysicaly at all, however the two bodies I saw headed our way were unrecognisable. The two lanky boys I once knew had been replaced with wide torsos and firm legs, calf muscles definded clearly even in their suits. Shonah spinted over to them both, her summer dress rippling around her legs as she surrounded them both in her warm energy. The boys strided over, smiling. They greeted me and I appreciated the feeling of familairty I got from being safe inside both their arms. 

I was taken back to being 16. It was at Stuart DeLacy’s birthday party. I had gotten ready with Alice and Gemma and Chloe and I was meant to go home with them too. Only, I had drank way too much before even arriving and Tom Little decided he was going to walk me home. The boy couldn’t even wait to get me out of the door before he pressed his weedy lips against my unresponsive head. I don’t remember much of that night. But I do rememeber Tom crouching on the floor cupping his bleeding nose and the stregnth of two boys holding me up. Then sobering up in the park leaning against Ted’s chest while Harry gently encourgaed me to drink water. 

I shook the feeling of guilt rising up inside of me. I hadn’t spoken to the boys for months before DeLacy’s, and hadn’t returned any of Shonah or Andi’s calls. At the time I consoled my guilty consciences by convincing myself that my new friends were keeping me busy, and it‘s okay for old friends to grow apart. It is okay for old friends to grow apart. But sometimes, your roots are so tangled, so intertwined, the separation is unbearable and almost impossible. To tear a tree away from it‘s roots is a failure before it’s begun.

These guilty thoughts are of the past, I reminded myself. We had all had regular contact as young adults since, rediscovering all the things we love about each other, finding new sparks in people.

Ted’s embrace lingered. His warmth was too good to pull away from, and I welcomed the sturdy and reliable sensation that came with it.

“It’s been too long” He pulled his head back to stare at me with his deep brown eyes. “I’m so sorry…” He trailed off, unsure of the words, unsure of the way he was supposed to say them. Harry slapped him on the back and leant over his best friend’s shoulder to come close to my face. 

“You’re sorry that you’ve had a sick time galloping all over the world on white beaches and shit? No, I’m sorry that you have had to come back to this dump. If only we could have upped everyone and brought the party to you instead.”

I exhaled a shaky laugh. I knew Harry was making light of the situation, one of his best qualities, even as a youngster, but I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on Ted, who held his watery gaze at the grass flattened by his polished Oxford shoes. 

Shonah sympathetically wrapped her hands around mine, offering a smile I gratefully accepted, acknowledging the tears threataning my eye. 

“We’re all here, together.” 

I noticed I was still wearing the friendship bracelet I had rescued from my memory box early today. I tied the friendship bracelet tight after stumbling across it going through my childhood possessions. Andi had made it for me, gifted when we were 11. She had promised to be my friend forever, no matter what. Although immediately after she pushed me into the mud to get me back for eating her last pop tart. 

She would have hated today. The way we stood around the tree- our tree- with tears in our eyes. She would have told us to stop being so soft and she would have told me to grow up as the first soaking soldier slipped out from under the barracks of my eyelid. 

This was weird. Too weird. Too sad.

Shonah squeezed my hand and gave me an encouraging smile, and so with a deep inhale I unfolded the paper I had been clutching.

“Andi. I miss you more and more every day.”