I'm not afraid anymore.

“Are you coming tonight?” They holler from the bathroom, undoubtedly doing their makeup for tonight’s affair. Before I say no, I prepare for the verbal beatdown, telling me I’m wasting my life, I should meet new people, get out more and enjoy new things. I am about to shout my answer back at them when I hear their loud footsteps, which goes great with their personality, down the hallway and towards me, who is sat peacefully in the loungeroom with a tea and my watercolors.

“And don’t you dare say no.” They place their hand on their hip and give me the death glare. Geez, I wish I was as confident as them, they are able to go to clubs and bars wearing ripped jeans, crop tops, and makeup more extravagant than the last.

“I’d like to but it’s my night off-”

“Oh, come on Gabrielle,” they whine cutting me off “Your things will be here when we get back, just this once please. Do you want me to beg because I will,” they get down on their hands and knees and shake my legs wildly, “Come on!” They shake me more wildly, my head swinging back and forth. Maybe I am playing life too safe, and what am I really risking going?

“Fine.” They jerk up and hold their breath, like I’m pulling some mean-spirited joke on them. When I nod and get up to go get changed, they start screaming again, a happy scream but still a scream that will get us a complaint from the neighbors.

Harley races to the bathroom to finish their already stunning makeup so I try to make an effort too. I throw on my leather jacket, zipping it up all the way, some eyeliner and my favorite boots, the last time I wore these was for my high school graduation. Highschool. Him.

“Harley!” I scream.

“What?”

“Come here.” They burst through my door and woof whistle at me, looking me up and down before cracking up and laugh too. They have that effect on people, they are the class clown who everyone loves. I wonder what they would have been like in high school.

“Dude you look hot, seriously you should wear eyeliner more often. I’ll just grab my bag and we can go,”

"I don’t think I can,” They open their mouth to protest but I just yell over the top of them. “Before you lose your shit again, just listen, I can’t. You always tell me I’m way too introverted for my own good and need to be more like you and loosen up but when I was more like you, being like you is not a bad thing at all but, bad things happened to me.” I rub my arms remembering the marks on my shoulders that lasted for weeks. They leave my room silently; they’ll have a good time at least.

I throw my jacket on the floor and I start taking off my eyeliner, I really want to cry but I feel like I’ve wasted too many tears on him. I hear a knock on my door and turn to see them with a bottle of my favourite whiskey in hand, one that I had stashed under a couch cushion, but I’ll ignore that now.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No but, can you stay here with me?” Asking Harley to sacrifice their night feels like too much but they don’t have a problem saying no when they want to. A week after we first met, a rando at the train station was flirting with them and being a bit gross about it and Harley had no problem telling them to go to hell. I take it as a yes when they sit on my bed and unscrew the lid and take a swig. They make a joke to clear the air and after a few minutes we are talking about whatever and taking turns having a drink. When we finish that we grab a couple of beers out of the fridge.

I smack the bottom, so I get all the remaining drops of beer from the bottle and I’m feeling like venting, they asked me if I wanted to talk, does that have a use by date, or hour in my case? But I start talking anyway and once I start; I can’t stop myself.

“It’s just, I have such a hard time understanding why he would do that to me? Like, I was new to the school, and we met. I went to his stupid party, and he introduced me to all his dumbass friends, they were so stupid! They couldn’t find the darts for the dart board, so they used friggen kitchen knives. He asked me if I wanted a drink, I asked for lemonade, but it was a wild tasting lemonade, anyways I had to piss eventually and then he followed me to the bathroom…” I stop myself and the memories come flooding back, it hurt so much.

“I was so scared of people, I didn’t leave my house for months, not even for school and now…They were completely fine though, perfectly fine, went on dating other people, probably hurting other people, and I did nothing, it’s not like the people I told believed me either, he was such a ‘good guy’”. I say with air quotes.

“That’s bullshit,” They get up, Harley looks completely unaffected by the alcohol. “Why should they be able to live their life when you don’t? Complete and utter bullshit.” They mutter.

“Yeah…yeah! Why is it that the villain can break everything, and the hero has to pick it all up? Why does the victim have to deal with all the shit while the perp can go on and hurt other people as well?” I jump up and throw on my leather jacket again, this time unafraid. That asshole with ruin my life no more. I have already been through hell so come on, what the worst that can happen?