Forever and A Day

I smiled as I reached into the cupboard to pull down the cookbook, immediately turning to Robert’s favourite recipe. The large rock on my ring glinted in the light coming through the kitchen window. I tightened the strings on my apron and got to work. I have all my ingredients all laid out on the counter and start searching for my tools to get to work. I hate having my kitchen rearranged. There’s nothing worse than being in the zone and having to break your concentration to search for a slotted spoon. 

Satisfied that I have all that I need I get to work, keeping an eye on the clock to make sure I have everything done before Robert gets home. It’s always been our anniversary tradition to spend the night in. I’d make his favourite meal and he’d get my favourite dessert from the pastry shop down the street. It’s been that way since our very first anniversary when we were too broke to have a fancy night out and it continued even after we made it big. It was our way of reminding ourselves of how far we’ve come together. 

We had known each other since high school and made quite the unlikely pair. I was the troubled teen and he was the straight-laced honour roll student. Or so it seemed. I knew a side of him that no one else ever saw. He was dark, dangerous and full of rage. At that age, I needed both sides of him - the reliable golden boy and that domineering man. We were fast friends and our attraction grew as he began to let his walls down. No one could understand why he’d bothered to date me - he could have anyone he wanted but chose the odd-looking rebel. 

He proposed to me when we both got our acceptance letters for Bard. Everyone thought he’d knocked me up but no - it was love. Pure, unconditional love. For some strange reason, his parents never disapproved of me. Despite the stories about me and my family, despite knowing the kind of girl I was, they never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be a part of their family. Perhaps that’s what made it so easy for me to change. 

Over time I found myself becoming a completely different person. Bit by bit the things that made me me have stripped away. I loved being so accepted that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin that. My piercings were gone, I grew out my hair, allowed it to go back to its natural colour, my make-up went from dark to Stepford wife. Eventually, I dropped out of art school, preferring to work on my art at home and take care of Robert. 

I thumb through the cookbook, following the little notes Robert’s mother had made across the page to improve the recipe. I reach for the salt, confused as to why Robert had changed the jar. That was always my responsibility. I made or decorated most of the items in our home, treating it as my own little gallery. Robert hated it but never had he removed anything I put up. I look around the kitchen noticing other things that had changed. The spoons I had inscribed with our names were gone, our wedding pictures, gone. 

I dig through the cupboards and realize that everything was different. Maybe I had rearranged things again and forgot. Yes, that’s it. I just forgot about the changes I made. After all, I rearrange the house so often these days. One of the downsides to being a housewife - you get so bored that there’s not much else to do but playhouse. 

Comforted by that thought I continue making dinner, humming as I stir the sauce and check on the meatloaf in the oven. Taking note of the time I go to set the table, knowing Robert will be home soon. I transform the breakfast nook into a cute bistro setting, spreading a silk tablecloth across the table and adding small potted plants along the middle. I dim the lights and light the 20 candles artfully placed around the room, one for each year of our marriage. Once the table is set I go to get his gift - a painting of us from our last trip to France. I giggle looking at it. I was bound to the bed by my wrists and ankles, baring every inch of me. My eyes were dark with desire. Robert was standing at the foot of the bed, whip in hand, a twisted smile on his face. 

I push the memory away and head into the kitchen, retrieving our meal and laying it on the table. I turn to the wine rack and grab two bottles, add one to the ice bucket and wheel it into the nook. I make my way to the bedroom with the other bottle of wine to get ready. I lay my dress out on the bed while filling the tub. Before getting in I send Robert a text - Can’t wait to see you. Happy anniversary, my love. I place the phone on the edge and sink into the warm water. I sigh deeply as I open the bottle and turn it to my head. 

I feel myself drifting off but it feels so good to just rest that I don’t try to fight it. Who knows, this might be a better way to start our night - a little fun before dinner. I giggle again and I know the wine has gone to my head. My arm feels heavy but I manage to raise the bottle to my lips again, draining the bottle before letting it fall to the floor. I'm so tired. I yawn and stretch leaning my head against the tub so the water covers my shoulder. 

“Jesus. What is this?” I hear a faint voice say from downstairs. 

“It’s that woman again. I’m sick of this, Anthony. Didn’t you change the locks? I’m calling the police,” comes a shrill response. 

Who’s in my house, I wonder tiredly. I don’t have the strength to get up and check. I hear footsteps on the stairs as the female voice tells someone that a crazy woman has broken in and she wants to file a restraining order. I smile as I see Robert approaching me. He stretches his hand out to me. 

“Hi baby,” he says as he holds on to my hand. 

“Robert,” I sigh. “I missed you.”

“I’m here.”

“Shit, shit, shit! Amelia tell them to send EMTs!” I hear another voice yell and hands grasp my shoulder, pulling me away from Robert. I try to protest but I don’t have the strength. Am I screaming? Who’s screaming? What’s happening? I feel a shock of cold air as my naked body is dragged from the tub. 

“Ma’am? Listen to me, hang in there, ok? Help is on its way.” I see a blurry face above me. I reach up to touch it and drops of blood fall onto my lips. I’m bleeding. A woman runs into the room holding strips of cloth and wraps them tightly around my wrists while yelling into a phone on the floor. 

I close my eyes again, smiling as I see Robert standing there, still waiting for me. 

“Robert,” I whisper again, reaching out to him but he shakes his head. 

“It’s not time, Emily. It’s not your time.”

“What do you mean? There’s nothing here for me. I have nothing, I am nothing without you.” I know I’m sobbing and I feel a sharp prick in my arm. 

“Don’t say that,” he says softly, kissing me as he strokes my hair. “There’s still so much left for you to do. You barely lived for you. It’s time for you to be free, be you.”

“But I don’t want to… I don’t want to live without you.”

“You have to, baby girl,” he says and smiles sadly, letting go of my hand. “I love you and I’ll be here when it’s time.” He starts to fade away and try as I might I can’t move towards him. 

“Ma’am? Ma’am? Can you hear me?” I open my eyes to find myself in a strange room. 

“Where am I?” I ask, confused. 

“You’re at Christ Hospital,” the nurse responds gently. “Do you remember what happened?” 

“I just wanted to be with my husband,” I tell her. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“It’s ok, dear. You aren’t alone. I’m here.`` She squeezes my hand and smiles at me. I smile back and close my eyes. 

Next year, my love, I’ll make you an even better surprise and we’ll be together again.