A Lara tale - Undefeated

‘Milton … Milton Station … Platform on the right .. direction of travel…’

Three stations to go, thought Lara, large dark eyes transfixed by the carriage clock .. hopefully the train would be early and the bus late ..anything to reduce her Mother’s harsh and impatient reminders of the inconvenience Lara’s extra curricular activities caused her.

The great promise Lara had held 6 years ago – particularly in athletics and gymnastics – with the school even contacting her parents to encourage personal trainers – had come to exactly nothing. A now grade 12 Lara forced the thought to a stop. There was no point.

And, I still have cricket .. she reminded herself …. she had clung to this .. fought for it .. shed oceans of tears, lied, cheated and stolen .. for Cricket – her baby .. Her First 11 Team that She had co-founded back in Grade 8.

On practice nights, the last bus would deliver her in a swirl of gritty dust. An empty, unlit bus stop the welcome sign she was almost home … no waiting parent … Lara could live with this – torch lit she would walk and read the last 3km of a day that had begun before 6am and was far from ending when she would arrive home in the pitch black.

Shouldering the heavy school bags these long walks was nothing to the shrill and cutting comments .. her Mother’s .. years of these .. because of the late nights.

‘What time is it? What time do you call this? .. this CAN-NOT continue.. I’m fed up…I have had enough .. You have to stop .. it disrupts everything … Lara .. I’m just NOT doing all that driving … do you hear me?.. I'm NOT having it. you’ve got to STOP’

Lara had learned to remain silent … the fight had long left her .. the fight – defending her right to be a school girl .. to participate in the extra curricular .. but as opportunities had been missed, deemed unimportant to her mother, the fight had been replaced by a silent shame … if You looked … if You cared to notice, You would see, despite her olive complexion– the creeper of shame, a life of its own, as it added years and strain burdening her youthful spirit.

‘All that driving’ was a bus stop not 3 km down an unlit country road – a couple of times a week.

And all that driving? The other girls … their parents …drove them everywhere .. early morning practices ..Saturday matches .. evening recitals .. and would be waiting – patiently – in the dusk of late afternoon practice.

Lara, though wholly committed, was entirely dependent on public transport. Her very best was to arrive - running – late – of a morning, and, of necessity, leave afternoon practice early.

No one was happy. Her Mother at being put out .. and equally so, the frustrated, disbelieving trainers, sick of the feeble excuses accompanying her untimely attendances. And for Lara, it was constant – the strain of ‘pretending lies and a life that were not hers’. Lara tightened her jaw and stopped these thoughts. She had to.

But … Her Cricket team … it had become iconic .. legendary .. . Relaxing back on the seat, bags and bat strewn on the floor, she smiled into the empty, dully lit carriage … Nobody had been able to stop her doing this … Nobody! … she felt a resurgence of excitement for the day ahead – the day Lara would be named School Cricket Captain – of course.

Everything.. the missed opportunities, her mother’s insensitive and conditional support, long and lonely journeys on public transport - would all be worth it.

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A pre-dawn dark – the following morning,

Using salon products, ‘taken’ from her Mother’s bathroom, Lara washed and amply conditioned her thick mane of hair. Her Mother thought it unnecessary for Lara herself to have ‘conditioner’ .. her brothers didn’t.

Dressing carefully, Lara first wrapped the long gauze bandage around her never ending bust – she favoured this over the bras given to her three years ago – they didn’t fit then – and certainly did not fit now. She jumped up and down .. the bandage held…. It was tight .. would last until school.

Slipping the size 16 uniform over her five foot frame, ‘taken’ from lost property, Lara knew it did little to make her ‘look’ fit in .. but at least it hid the puppy fat and her chest.

She drew in a breath of courage… today, none of it mattered.. Instead– she would return home with the badge of honour .. the pocket of proof .. she would be The Cricket Captain to one of Brisbane’s most elite girl’s schools .. the founder would become the Captain – of course!

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The school hall was full .. morning assembly .. a cloying wet February heat steamed through the open windows. 600 upturned faces, in anticipation as the principle belaboured the virtues of the school’s motto ‘per vola sonata’ and reminded of the attributes worthy of a captaincy and school leader.

As in her dreams, Lara had positioned herself two seats from the middle aisle– easy enough to stand, side step, and walk up the centre to proudly receive her commendation and take up her office.

Lara could feel it coming now .. the head mistress was about to announce …

‘And .. as a school we have enjoyed many successes of our First 11 Cricket Team, a relatively new addition to our time old traditions, a mark of our progressive attitudes and GPS Leadership. Ladies …. ‘

Lara rose ..

‘.. I now would like to say Congratulations and well done to Bella Harmony our Cricket Captain of 1993…’

Lara was confidently making her way to the centre aisle .. but something was wrong .. that wasn’t her? .. she froze ..standing awkwardly .. too far to return to the safety of her seat .. too close to the aisle ..

Loud clapping .. roars and whistles .. then stamping .. for Bella ..

She was gutted … shocked .. she had been annihilated .. that Captaincy was Hers .. that was meant to have been hers … her moment .. dreamed of .. the sacrifices .. the silent shames and quiet rebellions ……

Lara made it to the toilets … the applause on her heels overcame, and cut into her as a jagged rusted blade, ripping at her heart .. disemboweling her youth of trust and a sense of right – for ever. On her knees, she violently threw up .. over and over .. food, tears, snot .. bile …. The bandage holding her bust was too tight .. she couldn’t breath properly .. her uniform felt voluminous and scratchy .. she had left most of the conditioner in .. so everyone could smell it .. but now her hair was a greasy lump at the nape of her neck ..

Five years .. more than … she couldn’t help herself .. and the tears .. hot and messy rivulets- coursed down her face…

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Later, glancing the cubicle that had borne witness to her defeat – this most defining of moments in her young life, Lara’s stoic returned, a glimmer of hope renewed … maybe it was a mistake? A big misunderstanding .. of Course! it HAD to be .. She would ask the games mistress .. and anyway .. Bella would understand.

On a mission, but lacking the right words, a determined Lara approached the games mistress and messily began …

..Miss … Mi-

What is it Lara? Have you been cryi?

No .. Lara said interjecting the question.

What did you .. what is it?

The Cricket Captain .. Bella …that was .. I think there .. that was a mistake ..

With what?

With Bella .. with making her Captain.

What do you mean Lara?

Well .. I – it was meant to be me … I thought I would be captain .. I MADE the cricket team .. I FOUNDED it .. In Grade 8… me and kat – we co-

Yes .. yes Lara you did .. I remember – I was here!

Well .. why .. – it must be .. a mistake .. not Bella .. I thought I was going to be Captain?

Lara .. we couldn’t give it to you ..

Why not? I founded it .. I am the longest member ..I..MADE it …

With disbelief, the teacher eyed Lara for a long moment and dismissing her earnest, disheveled appeal continued,

Come on Lara .. late to practices, leaving early ..missing matches … you LEFT your team in the lurch .. .. unreliable .. you’re too unreliable .. years and years … of unreliability … you heard the headmistress … you heard what it takes to hold school office .. ..its not just about the pitch .. .. Its about commitment .. leadership .. Bella on the other hand – always on time..first to arrive.. helps at the end of practice .. her parents look after the team ..you – fly off early .. a leader is always – must ALWAYS be the last to leave .. last year – you remember the party her parents held, for you all .. But .. Lara . your excuses .. the interruptions ..

But Miss…its not…

So .. we appointed Bella .. you’re just too unreliable Lara – not committed enough … anyway .. its done now …..I’ll see you at practice this afternoon? Maybe – just this once, you’l even leave on time … spare me another of your highly imaginative excuses….

The games mistress said lightly, as she moved on.