Just 18 years old

All I wanted was a move-out.

I recently graduated from high school and applied to a university far from my family, and here I'm packing my bags with a big heart, the heaviest thing I'm carrying.

For a change, love, and new starts' sake, wait for me. I'm going to chill.

I want to change my ways and get away from nostalgia and my lovely hometown.

I want to change my perfume, smell differently, create new playlists and make some friends.

I want to forget my first love, leaving it behind, and the fact that I went to prom alone.

I want to erase every inch of my past.

Right now, I'm ready for the brightest days of my life.

My dad called from the car, " Girl, let's hit the road."

"And don't come back no more," I said

My mom interrupted, "Well, we still want to see you on holiday if you mind, Mrs."

During our trip in the car, I dreamt of the good life, of being a social girl, funny and smart.

I imagined having long conversations with boys. I dreamed of having coffee with an adorable roommate and watching movies together with popcorn everywhere.

I also thought of being active in class. I wasn't looking for a specific major, but I was looking for a specific way of life.

It doesn't matter what future job I'll have because my attention was all shifted to my social skills, and this was happiness for me.

After a long drive, we arrived at the city where I'll be settling and blooming.

For a moment, I felt something in my belly, something stuck in my throat, and suddenly, for only this moment, everything was different from what I imagined. I was eighteen years old, and my family was no longer with me, so my safety and responsibility fell on me rather than my parents.

The future ahead is not clear, and the seriousness of the situation is killing me.

With no permission, tears came down my eyes like a volcano that had just exploded.

I lost control of my own emotions.

My mom saw me and said in her deep voice directly to my ears, "Honey, don't worry. It starts to look like that and life treats the whole population the same, so you are not alone. "

I believed her, although no one seemed to be as nervous as me. Everyone at this college seemed to be having a good time.

I said goodbye to my parents and watched them leave me to grow up and be a strong woman.

The girl I shared a room with was everything a girl could be, but she was not the one I imagined drinking coffee with.

She was kind of a strict A student, always busy and a big fan of maths, and very clearly has no common interests with me.

I, on the other hand, was a mysterious book no one could read because I'm not that social or open with others. I'm just a girl who loves reading romance books, has a bunch of short stories she wrote, and is obsessed with rain, winter, hot drinks, and midnight romcoms movies. This is me.

Life here was nothing like I expected.

Sometimes you could be dumped by your mind; other times, reality crushes on you.

I unpacked my stuff and got a hot shower to pull myself together.

During classes, I was a total mess. I didn't understand a single word the teacher said, and I always looked like someone who was about to cry.

My major was engineering. My mom insisted, and I said okay when a big no was on my face.

I was getting tired of the daily routine and I couldn't make friends. I barely talked to anybody, and I was scared of getting used to this life because I hated staying in it.

I didn't know why I believed, in the first place, that anything from the past could ever change. I was depressed, confused, and lost.

They say, "Don't carry old feelings into new experiences; carry yourself with respect."

Quotes are magic. They can make you feel powerful for a minute and disappoint you the rest of the time.

I needed to do something. It was a call, a sign, and a need for quick help.

I thought a lot. What is that thing that would awaken my passions?

And the answer was there for me.

I created a website. Yes, a blog.

Away from this drama, I told you, I'm a big fan of reading. I read a lot, and now I wonder why not.

Why not start a blog, write a few reviews, share ideas, and get out of this world positively?

I created a world where everyone experiences the same feelings as me and is looking for refuge.

Until that point, everything had changed—not too much to be in movies, but just enough to live life.

Again, I was ready for an end and a new, refreshed start.

If I'm doing this to please others and be called an engineer, it's not fear. 

Work is not hard because when something makes sense to you, you sacrifice everything for it; when it doesn't, you can't just keep going. 

Engineering means nothing to me. It's not for me, and it would never be. 

I want to be free from others. Success is not a single path every human has to follow; it's relative. 

I can't be sure of my decision to quit, but that's the voice inside me.

I changed my major to creative writing and felt freer and more relaxed. I was doing something I liked and enjoyed.

I made friends that shared the same interests as me. We discussed books, movies, writing tips, and popular authors.

And here I learned that we don't have to stress about having multiple relationships and building a social life as quickly as we can.

But if we focus on what we truly want to be, friends will find us as we walk the path.

It's all about interests. Where do you find yourself? Where do you shine? Don't overthink it, just observe the things you love to do and link them ;

And always keep in mind that without problems and obstacles, we're jobless, bored, and lazy. They keep your eyes open, and they make you even more resilient and powerful.

I'm 18 years old, and I'm like everyone my age. We're all on the same road trying to find a solution to our life's big mathematical equation.