The Zeal To Live

The rattling noise vexed Mark as he crutched himself across the street. The sky transformed into gravel grey. Large pillows of clouds filled the sky and the sun hid behind them. Mark felt the first splatter of rain on his bespectacled countenance. The raindrops sounded like a musical chime. It felt lifting and magical.

As Mark continued to walk while manoeuvring the puddles, the pitter-patter transcended into a loud whirring noise. The roofs of cars danced with spray. Umbrellas were opened and they formed a colourful canopy.

Water dripped from Mark's hood and trickled down his wrinkled cheeks. The incessant honking made Mark grip his head. The fog formed on his spectacles clouded his already weak vision.

With his left shoulder pressed against a wall wrapped with algae and his left foot bearing the brunt of his weight, he removed a handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped the droplets of water that resided in the comfort of his spectacles and continued to walk.

His bleary eyes left him to hang dry as he crossed the road. A truck approached him at a rapid pace but his legs didn't support him. He drew the crutches closer to his body and closed his eyes tightly while his lips quivered. His heart leapt into his throat as the honking became clearer and he shrieked. He gasped for breath and droplets of water danced on his forehead making it difficult to tell if it was the sweat or raindrops.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and saw that he was a hair's breadth away from getting run over by a truck. The driver rolled the window and peeped out of it, his neck extending like a flamingo and uttered a series of expletives. Tears of relief coursed down his eyes. Mark apologised for the pandemonium he caused and found his way to the opposite side at a snail's pace.

He took a long breath and let the feeling of being alive sink in. He was surprised. He had resisted death. The same death he had longed for a decade now. It was a moment of cognizance. The aroma of coffee beans stimulated his senses. He entered the cafe and ordered a latte americano.

He was surprised to have met a self-preserving and tenacious Mark who was hiding somewhere in an unused nook of his mind. He had wished to die an umpteen times. He sat turning the leaves of his not so favourable past.

He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a few years back. The condition had not only destroyed the myelin covering the nerve fibres but also gradually eroded his self-esteem. His movement had become restricted. He felt fatigued all the time and had begun to experience a bleary vision.

While at work he experienced sudden throbbing pain in his head and back making moving a tough task. Undeterred by the physical hindrances, he continued to work. But one morning, while he was occupied testing equipment at work he felt dizzy and collapsed on the floor. He was tagged negligent by the administration and was eventually terminated. He had dedicated two decades of his life to the firm but they got rid of him in the blink of an eye. He tried his best to work at other firms but his attempts were of no avail.

The regular flow of money into the household was disrupted. His wife supported him through the lows of life. She left no stone unturned to motivate him and fill his mind with positive vibes. But his sceptical attitude made him morose. He found fault with everything she did. He was bullied by the underlying condition and he in turn bullied his wife. She had put up with his pessimistic attitude for a year. But one evening, his hand left a print on her cheeks and she decided that enough was enough. She gave up on him and walked out of the house.

Forlorn and lonely, he felt that he was dilapidated and purposeless. He had lost the zeal to live. Sometimes when the pain had gotten the better of him he even contemplated committing suicide. But putting his thoughts to action felt horrendous.

The thought of death lingered in his mind almost always. Whatever little he had saved was on the verge of depletion. The chronic pain and fatigue coupled with occasional dizziness made him feel vulnerable. Though the medicines and therapy offered him temporary respite they couldn't do what the near to death experience just did.

"Here's your coffee," the voice of the waitress broke his reverie. He gazed out of the window and noticed that the sky was painted in vibrant hues by the rainbow. He realised that bouts of darkness were always followed by spells of refulgence. All he had to do was hang in there and keep trying. Because there was always light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how spine chilling and dreary the tunnel might be, it was worth the wait and the journey.

The incident sowed the seed of hope in his heart. He wanted to nurture it carefully with optimism, trust and faith. This life was a gift from the Almighty. He decided to put up a tough fight and not succumb to destiny.

He was not an achiever. He was a John Doe who lived in obscurity. He has had his share of fear and anxiety. His presence was neither acknowledged nor appreciated. He may not be able to cross every hurdle. But in the end, he wished to look in the eyes of the curveballs life had hurled at him and say that he tried.

He was thankful for discovering his hidden strength - his tenacity and zeal to live. He got up and began to walk with an added spring in his steps. He felt that his crutches were like a loyal companion that would help him live whatever was left of his life to the fullest.

After a few minutes, he entered his apartment. Reaching for a cloth, he began to clean the dingy space that stunk. While clearing the cobwebs formed on the doors and walls he also steered clear of all the negativity in his mind. He changed the drapes that lined the windows. The floral drapes let the slanting rays of the sun stream into the house.

He opened the refrigerator and made a note of what was needed. He had hardly cooked in the past few years. After two hours of hard work, every bone in him was tired. He ordered the food and sat back and relaxed.

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang. He opened the door, received the package and thanked the delivery boy with a smile. The smile after a hiatus filled his heart with warmth.

Relishing every morsel of food that he ate, he expressed gratitude while paging through the newspaper he had procured that morning. The obituary column no longer interested him. He scanned the opportunities column and circled a few job interviews. He was not familiar with the recent developments in the industry but that didn't stop him from applying for a job. He wasn't sure whether he would get one but he was happy that he tried.

Each time he failed he would stand up and try till he succeeded by holding onto hope for he was tenacious and aware that it was worth giving life a shot.