bipping.

She stepped out of the subway, the station much colder now, and a gush of wind suddenly sent her hair flying into her face. She started looking for a hairband in her bag, her hand rummaging in between her phone, wallet, empty Kinder wrappers and fags, before finding an old one that could snap anytime. It would do for the moment though. After wrapping her hair into a bun, she quickly checked her reflection into the dusty window of a closed news-stand and took the opportunity to retouch her gloss and take off with her nail the little crusts around her nose piercing. It had gotten infected some days ago but she had not had the time or the patience to worry too much about it. It was past 10 by now and the crowd was mostly made of twentysomethings, already drunk or high.

Another subway pulled up before her and she walked a bit farther away from the rails, a fag between her lips, her hand fishing for her lighter down her coat pocket. She had to try several times before a flame appeared and she could finally inhale the smoke. She felt like she could breathe again. Someone bumped into her, it was too busy for her to notice who, but she was used to it by now. After three years in London, she thought she had become immune to all the crap life could throw her way. She took another drag, looking around her, not really focusing on anything, holding the smoke as long as she could before her eyes would start to water. She was not cold but still hung her coat tighter around her. She flicked ash off her cigarette, tapping one foot on the ground. Someone had a speaker and started to play ska, and she matched her tapping to the rhythm of the song. She was more than halfway done with her fag when her phone began to vibrate.

“Fuck, where are you?” She answered. “I’ve been waiting here for ages.”

“Sorry, sorry.” On the other side of the call was her friend Georgia, breathless, whom she had known since middle school. Although Georgia had moved to London with her mum when aged ten, she still had an Irish lilt, especially when pissed. “I’ve ran into someone, you won’t believe who.”

“Who?”

“Fuckin’ Knuckles! Anyway, I’ve managed to get us some real good stuff then, he made me a deal.”

“Liam?! Wasn’t he supposed to have buggered off to like, Manchester?”

“Yeah but his mam’s sick apparently so he’s back. He told me he…” A car honked on the other side of the line. “Jesus, can’t you see I’m walking here?!”

“Bloody hell, Georgia, where are you?” She stepped on her cigarette butt and immediately brought another one to her lips.

“Sorry Tess! This fucker didn’t know how to drive, I wonder how he even got his license. They’re giving them to every one now, I swear it’s...”

“Georgia!”

“Hmmm… I’m only one block away now, I’ll hurry!” And the call ended.

Tessa checked the time on her phone and dropped it back into her handbag. Cigarette laced between her fingers, she started to squeeze herself between the people waiting for the subway, muttering “sorrys” every two seconds. Inhaling then blowing the smoke, pushing past someone, stepping onto someone else’s feet. She was not paying attention and a lady told her off, the usual. The crowd was growing scarce and she stepped in a suspicious puddle near a post without noticing it, before finally making it to the toilet. It was empty, too dirty for anyone to step in there which made you wonder how it had gotten crass in the first place or since when it had been that way. She half-sat on the edge of a sink, took one of her boots off and shook it head down until a rock fell out. After putting it back on, she checked her phone. 2 new matches on Tinder. They both looked gaudy, fake lashes and lips and all the work. You would think that in London, capital of our beautiful England, there would be a higher stock of hot lesbians, but you might as well be in flipping Swindon with what she had found. She blocked both accounts, sent a message to Georgia: ‘in the bog’. With her phone set down precariously on the edge of the sink, she went to flick her ciggie off in a toilet bowl and hanged her bag on a handle. She was stretching her arms above her head when Georgia came click-clacking in. Tessa quickly turned to her.

“I swear, next time you make me wait that long I’m leaving.”

Georgia took a tiny plastic bag out of her purse, shaking it. “Wait till you try this before blowing your head off.”

Inside the bag were four small pills. Tessa whined. “Can’t we just go to a pub instead of doing that shit? I have work tomorrow!”

“Since when do you care about work? Anyway I’m fucking stressed out and alcohol’s not gonna do the trick, so…” She let two pills fall in her hand. “Knuckles said it’s good stuff, takes the edge off y’know. Nothing we haven’t done before!” she added with a smile.

Georgia went to sit in a cubicle before getting to work. She took a battered copy of Naked Lunch which she had in all likeliness never opened and set the pills on it before covering them with a banknote she had asked Tessa for. She proceeded to crush the pills with her phone and then divided the powder into four neat lines with her credit card. Finally, she rolled the note, got back up while carefully holding the book straight, and handed it to Tessa.

“I’ll let you do the honours”.

Tessa threw her hair behind her shoulders, leaned down and quickly snorted up a line. She scrunched up her face before doing another one in the other nostril. Georgia took back the note, did the same. She let her head fall back against a pan of the cubicle and slowly dragged herself down until she was sitting on the floor, probably covered with every germs you could possibly imagine. Tessa walked back to a sink and checked her nose in the mirror.

“Shit, now it’s all fucking stuck on my piercing.” She scratched the gold ring with her nail. “I don’t know about you but it’s already working for me, I can’t feel my face.”

She began to laugh and seeing her reflection laugh only made it harder for her to stop. She was still somewhat focused on cleaning her piercing, stopping to wipe her cheek with the back of her hand after a tear had rolled down. With the other, she was holding on the ceramic bowl to keep steady. She was looking absolutely hammered, felt like it too. The water was cold on her hands once she turned the tap on and the way it ran between her fingers felt like nothing she had experienced before. This was amazing.

“Georgia, hey you’ve gotta try this!” No answer. “Georgia!” She turned around. “Georgia!”

Georgia was still sitting where she had let herself fall down, except now her eyes were closed and blood was running down her nose.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck….” Tessa pressed her palms to her eyes, then walked to her friend, very unstable with her heels. “Georgia”, she repeated, squeezing her shoulders, “please don’t do this.”

She was whining now, and crying, tears running down her face, snot on her lips, but Georgia was not moving. She shook her again, and then harder and Georgia’s head banged on the wall but she was still not moving. Tessa’s sobs were louder and messier and her vision was blurred by the tears and probably by the drugs too. With her hands still wet, she tried to grasp on something on the wall but they were just slipping on it and her legs were shaking from her squatting and she had to lean on a toilet to finally stand up straight. Head bobbing with each sob, she walked back to a sink and cupped water in her hands and then wobbled back to Georgia and let what water remained in her hands fall on her. She did it one more time and at least now the blood had washed off Georgia’s face. Tessa let out a scream but there was a ringing in her ears and maybe she had not really screamed because no one came in the bathroom to help. She looked around for her phone because that is what they had always taught her in school, to call the emergencies before attempting to do anything that could hurt the person even more. She did not remember where she had put it. She was looking around, one hand tangled in and pulling her hair, the other hanging helplessly next to her. Then she saw it, on the floor by the bin. It had probably fallen down from the sink at some point. She walked towards it, slipped on the water she had dropped on the tiles, quickly steadied herself and finally reached her phone. She quickly dialled 999, put the phone to her ear while it rang.

“Please, please…” She choked on the snot that had gone down her throat. “Pleaaaase.”

She started to go back to Georgia, the line still ringing, one step after the other which was getting harder and harder the higher she was getting, focusing on the ringing in her ear when her right foot slipped on water, trying to steady herself and dropping the phone before falling over and banging her head on a sink. Blood started to pool around her head. Georgia jolted awake, keeping her eyes closed because of the light.

“Owwww…” Georgia put her hand to her head. “I feel like I’m dying…”

“999, what’s your emergency?”