Just Like Her

She shrank at the sight of the CN tower piercing the grey rain

clouds. Her new piercing was still sore. There were three others right next to it, and they hadn’t been as bad.  You’d think that the cool rain would be soothing but it wasn’t. It just left her even more miserable and her hoodie kept getting caught on her new spiky earring. She started walking nowhere. She didn’t want to go home to a family she didn’t identify with. She didn’t have any real friends to hang out with. Her whole look screamed ‘look at me’ between

the blue hair with orange highlights, black and orange stockings, black skirt with cobalt blue studs… but her army green hoodie was wrapped around her tightly. All she really was, was in her closed, huddled posture. She felt invisible and she wanted it that way. She felt small and was ok with that. She felt lonely and had resigned herself to it. A sad surrender to things that were just the way they were.

A low beat was making its way to her, a crescendo. She followed

it until she found an old brick building surrounded by scaffolding which protected people from the rain. For the most part. It also channelled the water into pools to pour here and there. There were times where a tarp somewhere must have given way and a short torrent would shoot down.  She dodged the streams until coming to an opening. Two large painted wooden doors opened

toward the street, posters on each side mentioning some garage band and a concert. After a moment of hesitation she shrugged. Why not treat herself? It was her birthday after all. 

It was considerably louder inside. The sound cracked from time

to time, and the bass was thin, but the music was all right. She entered near one side of a small crowd and made her way to  a spot behind them. There weren’t too many people. Maybe 30 or so, surrounding the band. Most of them were barely moving to the beat. Three girls were dancing. Two others were swaying, arms around each other while holding a candle… A tap at her shoulder

made her jump. “Sorry,” said the blond brown-eyed youth, backing off. He’d been calling her it seemed. “We just thought you looked a lot like Michelle and we were wondering how you knew her.” She froze, her brain scrambling. ‘Who the hell is Michelle?’ ‘What is this?’ ‘Did I do something wrong?!’ The rest of the guy’s group walked up, and blonde youth smiled a calm knowing smile. “Hi, I’m Thomas.”  She found her voice after a moment. “Crystal… I don’t

know…” Crystal’s words started to fail as Thomas cut in with “you hungry?” The rest of the evening was a new experience for Crystal. She felt like she didn’t belong, but that she also couldn’t say no to these people. As they left the warehouse her eyes darted to the posters again and she read everything more carefully. This concert was in memory of a student that had died the year before.

They made their way to a ramen place just a few doors down. They

all sat down and made their introductions before ordering from the menu. Thomas sat next to Becca, his girlfriend. They both wore leather jackets which seemed a bit cringey. Like something those cutesy couples do in K-dramas but somehow, they pulled it off. Brad and David were also a couple and sat opposite the table. Their lively banter was at odds with Alex, who sat next to the window,

only ate edamame and was mostly quiet. Some other sides were ordered for the table and everyone got a steaming bowl of ramen. Apparently this place was a favorite of Michelle’s. Apparently Michelle had started that band, and everyone at that table had only known each other thanks to her. She brought people together. They talked about how she had been hit by a car not far from there. They swapped stories and reminisced and never pressed Crystal for anything. Later they all decided to go to a bar for some drinks. They didn’t know Crystal had just turned 19 and she wasn’t about to correct them. She hadn’t had this good a time in… ever. She immediately took a liking to IPAs and even laughed a few times while they taught her how to play pool. The night wound down and they all left one by one. Thomas and Becca walked Crystal most of the way home, as they were going the same way. Thomas brought up how he had started talking to Crystal because she looked so much like Michelle, who had helped him in classes and introduced him to Becca who was actually her ex. Once Michelle brought

someone into her circle, they never wanted to leave and were only better off for it. Before they parted ways, Becca gave a sudden goodbye hug, and it was over. And though it was still dark, it had stopped raining.

Crystal found the corner where Michelle had so abruptly been taken from everyone. Later, she would go there sometimes and just stare at that spot for a while, and when she would leave she’d always say ‘thank you.’  She never met anyone from that group again, and her mind always wandered back to that evening. That was her happy place now. She envied Michelle and her apparent

ability to reach out and connect with so many people, but more than that, she felt grateful that Michelle had shared them with her. Crystal had heard they were somewhat alike in how they dressed and their home life, but they couldn’t have been more different. She didn’t feel like she had to change but wasn’t resigned to what she thought was her fate anymore. She lived in her own skin now rather than cowering in it. Crystal was now clear and open to whatever came her way and she started walking toward things, rather than away from them.