The End is the Beginning

“Seconds after my life ended, my life began. Suddenly, I could do anything and everything I never got the chance to do before. There was no need to consider risk prevention when there were no risks to be taken. It’s as if I was living in the same world as I had been but without any consequences for my actions.”

“Could you explain that further, please?”

“I just woke up one day, but I didn’t really. You see, this isn’t real. You are just a figment of my imagination. Nothing I do matters because I didn’t actually do it.”

“What makes you say that?”

“When I open my eyes, there is a haze, the world has been distorted… watercolors spreading across a canvas. When I close my eyes, there is nothing, a vast empty nothingness.”

“You said ‘There was no need to consider risk prevention when there were no risks to be taken.’ Can you tell me more about that?”

“No… I’m just kidding. You should see your face. Of course, I’ll tell you. You are my therapist, right?”

“Yes, and I’m listening.”

“It all started when I was a child. I was not naturally gifted in anything. So, I chose to stay in my shell, my way of keeping myself safe and guarded. As I grew, the world grew with me. Tricycles became bicycles, apple slices became full apples, crushes became relationships, playgrounds became big cities… you get the idea. I never got the chance to learn the basics before the world got more and more complicated around me. Then, all of a sudden it was over.”

“What was over?”

“My life, of course. Anyway, one day I was feeling pretty down and out, so I decided that was it. It was time to be done. I did everything that night. I went from bar to bar, drinking their shelves dry. I did bumps in the bathrooms. I took needles to my veins. I took the pills in my medicine cabinet and downed them all. There was no ambulance driving me to the hospital, no stomach pumping, no beeping machines in my ears. All there was was a foggy view of a world I once knew. This was the afterlife.”

“You believe that you are in the afterlife?”

“I am. I already told you that you’re just a figment of my imagination.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Well, there is no way I survived that night. Since I opened my eyes, I’ve been doing whatever the hell I want to do, since there are no rules here.”

“What have you been doing?”

“I robbed a bank and took a trip to the Bahamas where I did coke, drank Pepsi, and met a man named Dr. Pepper at the strip club. I was eating my apples, but it sure didn’t keep him away.”

“You robbed a bank?”

“Yes. I sure did. It was incredibly easy. It was in the middle of the night a few weeks back. I just walked in, took the money, and walked out. In the real world, there would have been a silent alarm sending police cars my way without me even knowing.”

“You know that banks get robbed in the real world all the time, right? Some criminals even get away with it.”

“Maybe that’s true, but it’s never that simple. I got thousands of dollars and then headed straight to the airport. I didn’t even bring any luggage with me. I didn’t need it.”

“Well, that must’ve been an easy flight. They didn’t find all of that cash on you when you went through security?”

“Funny enough, I didn’t need to go through security. I had a kind of get out of jail free card.”

“How’d you end up with that?”

“I’m not sure, maybe it has to do with the fact that this isn’t real life so everything is so much easier than it was back on Earth.”

“If we are not on Earth, where do you think we are?”

“The afterlife, I keep saying that. Oh Em Gee… aren’t you listening?”

“I am aware of that, but where do you think the afterlife is?”

“I don’t really think we are anywhere solid… concrete… corporeal. We are merely beings in an imaginary realm of energy.” 

“Let’s get back to your story. You hopped on a plane to the Bahamas with the money you stole from the bank. What happened once you got there?”

“Well, the first thing I did was find a strip club. It wasn’t hard. There was one right outside the airport, which was on the beach.”

“Then what?”

“I walked up to the stage right as they were announcing the next dancer. That was Dr. Pepper. He had black and white speckled hair, in case you were wondering how he got that name. After he was done, he pulled out a little baggie right in front of me. It was coke. I hadn’t done any since the night I died, but I had a serious itch for some blow. So, being the person I no longer was, I followed him right into the bathroom.”

“You followed him into the men’s room?”

“Uh-huh. I didn’t think it really mattered where I was. He sure didn’t seem to care. I asked him for some and he just gave it to me. He said there was a whole lot more where that came from.”

“So, you took coke from a random stranger? No wonder you were sent to me… oops, did I say that out loud?”

“You sure did. And you might be asking yourself why I left the Bahamas when I had it so good down there. Honestly, I’m not quite sure. It’s like I got a taste of beautiful true freedom, and just like that, it was gone and I was lying here on this couch, talking to you.”

“You were sent to me by some concerned citizens who watched you walk into the men’s room perfectly fine and out of it barely able to walk. I don’t think it was coke that you did.”

“So what, you’re a therapist who I was forced to go talk to? This isn’t the afterlife, is it? I’m just some crazy girl who robbed a bank, took a trip, met a guy, did some drugs, then went nuts?”

“Of course not. You’re absolutely right. This is your afterlife and it is absolute shit because your life was pretty unimpressive, until your very last night, when you made up for everything you were missing and did a one-eighty. You turned yourself around too far and now you’re going to spend a long time making up for it.”

“So, I’m trapped in therapy with a therapist who just tried to confuse me for a whole hour of my life… I mean an hour of my afterlife?”

“You can leave if you want to, but it won’t work. Any time the powers that be see you journeying the path to madness, you’re going to be sent right back here. All you need to do is become secure in a straightedge lifestyle and you’ll be golden… literally. Once you glow, you get to go. Good luck.”

“Shit.”