Paradise Lost

Trigger Warning - references the following (in order of prominence):

* Death + Human Remains

* Mental health

* Religion

* Verbal abuse

* Substance abuse

* Suicide

* Child death

Documents → Testimonies → Scanned → Diaries-Journals → Lucy Townsend → Excerpts of Interest

Thursday 

Mama said the cows were mean again. They won’t let her milk them so she fights with them and comes home late. When Mister Hayes dropped off some meat, I heard him tell papa his goats are mean too and gave him no milk for breakfast.

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Tuesday

Father Morgan was tired today. I think he tried telling papa a secret when I was stacking stocking. He talked quiet about someone descar desac being bad at the semetary. And he said usually robbers dug when the ground is still soft and not after two weeks.  Everyone knew Tommy never wore anything fancy so I don’t know what they could rob. Then he tried to whisper. I couldn’t hear everything, but he said something about Tommy’s bones looking weird. Papa gave Father Morgan some chocolate to give to Mister and Misses Jeffers. They’re really upset.

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Wednesday

Today Jesse and I snuck out to see Tommy’s bones. He didn’t want to look at the bones closer with me, so I told him someone cleaned them because they didn’t have any gross parts. Jesse don’t doesn’t think they were dug up tho. He showed how the grass is still on the grave. I asked him how and he said there have to be tunnels under the grave. But I didn’t see any tunnel holes around when I looked. We both think tho that whoever did it was sick in the head. They put out all Timmy’s bones like a puzzle to look like his funeral.

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Friday 

Papa is mad at mama for coming home late and yelled. She said she had to check on Miss Riley because she didn’t come to work. Apparently she was destr distro destraght crying because her baby got dug up too. I thought papa would be rude about them like he was last time, but he was more mad about the digging up. I wish he was mad at his self too

I asked if anyone found the tunnels, but he said that’s stupid. So I asked if the baby’s bones were puzzle pieced but I was told that was a nasty thing to ask.

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Wednesday

I go outside lots now. I like watching the birds fly stuck together like a big cloud. They’re quiet like I’m alone but I’m not and it makes me feel quiet.

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Saturday

People keep getting dug up. I don’t know them but mama says I met some when I was a baby.

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Tuesday

Papa is really mad today. He went to see his mama and her bones were dug up. I never met her but he used to tell me stories about how she helped sick people when she lived. He smelled a bit like old man Thompson again so now I’m in my room. He’s yelling at the radio because it won’t always do what its told. 

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Monday

I met Jesse at the graves again. It’s creepy there are so many bones but more creepy if someone is lying them out like Jesse said. We looked for tunnel holes past the graveyard but can’t find any. He’s right they don’t look dug up. But I don’t think the tunnels are real but I can’t say that if I don’t have an idea.

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Sunday

Mama didn’t make papa come to church but he came. He says he don’t doesn’t go because of crowds but usually there’s no crowd. I think people hoped Father Morgan would preach some help. He always knows what the propper preach you need to hear but I think today he got the stage fright with all those people whispering when he talked.

Mister Parker talked louder that it was “poor form” to dig up the guy who built the church. Old man Thompson says he saw a light go over that guy’s grave but Misses Dawson shooshed him and Mister Dawson said he's a dummy because it was just the moon.

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Tuesday

I’m really tired. Everyone is really tired. Papa is getting worried about the crops. Farmers are coming all week telling him they probly probably won’t have extra crops to sell to feed their selfs if bones keep tearing up the fields. Harvest isn’t close but they might have to reap early to sava salvage anything. Papa yelled at the last farmer and said he can’t make money selling not ripe fruit. Mister Jeffers said customers won’t have nothing else to buy. 

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Thursday

Today we had to learn with Jesse’s class because bones were where Miss Sally stands. They said it would be bad to move the bones. Jesse asked how old the bones looked like but I didn’t get a good look. They don't look like Tommy’s funeral bones. The classroom bones person was the same size but all curled up like when you’re cold. The school was locked last night tho though so I don’t know how someone could bring them in.

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Sunday

Papa whined about the bone bodies on the street. Mama prayed extra long today.

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Wednesday

Billy told Misses Mrs. Dawson he didn’t come to class yesterday because he had to help his mama look for his granpa. I asked him and he said they didn’t find him. 

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Friday

Papa closed shop early and is still out helping look for Misses Mrs. Walker. They can’t find her all day and people say she’s probably old in the head and wandered off. She’s like a thousand years old but mama says the old lady is sharp as tack. She says it’s okay I’m up past bed time. I think she needs a friend. 

Papa is home and I had to go to bed. He looked mad at me being up late, but I think he just wanted me gone. I left the door cracked to hear him talking quiet. He’s saying they looked for Mrs. Walker more far out than she could walk. No one found nothing anything and papa thinks she was snatched up. Mama says that’s more like city stuff and doesn’t happen here. Now papa is mad she doesn’t believe him. 

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Saturday

Today Jesse told me he helped look for Mrs. Walker too. He said she told him about a stranj strange person in her house before she left. I said she was probably snatched up but he says the hounds didn’t even catch a smell. I asked papa and he said the dogs are probably just old but he doesn’t look sure.

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Monday

Mrs. Parker told papa that widow Henderson wasn’t seen since before yesterday. Then she was mad at papa that our tomatoes aren’t proper red. 

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Saturday

I went to Jesse’s and his papa looked really tired. I asked why and he said some of his sick people are gone too. 

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Thursday

They can’t find Mister Grady this week. Old man Thompson said he saw a light over his house but papa always says to never listen to him. He said that again today and says it was probably a car that took her. He still thinks people are being napped but Mr. Grady always gives Jesse and me free licorice when we visit and I don’t think anyone would hurt him. And mama says the Grady family isn’t rich enough for anyone to ecspect expect them to pay a ranson.

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Sunday

It was like half the dam dang town came to church. Momma said we have to stand so old ladies and gentlemen can sit. Mr. and Mis Mrs. Johnson weren’t at church but they always come to church. It’s a good thing a preacher came to help or I think Father Morgan would been too tired for the bread part to be extra long again. Mama usually does confesses after, but there were too many people waiting so she said she’ll come back when Father Morgan is less busy. 

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Tuesday

Jesse didn’t come to school today. He wasn’t home when I came after but his mama was. She said he was looking for his papa. I knew she cried but adults aren’t supposed to cry in front of kids so I didn’t say anything. She cooked a lot of food when I waited then told me go take some home before dark. Jesse didn’t come back yet. 

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Wednesday

I found Jesse and he said how his papa stays late to check on sick people but all them said he didn’t visit. I told my papa about Jesse’s papa and he said Jesse’s papa probably went on a trip and didn’t tell anyone. But Jesse’s papa never keeps secrets even when he’s supposed to.

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Monday

Jesse looks really tired. His mama made him go to school again. After I took him to the pond to look for frogs but they was were harder to find because they wouldn’t croak. Usually the frogs make him laugh. Today he didn’t laugh.

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Wednesday

Shops are closed that are never closed. Mrs. Howard’s bakery wasn’t open today but it’s not Sunday. 

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Thursday

Now they can’t find Ms. Riley. Mama said she didn’t milk the cows the last few days and when she came to check on her no one was home. 

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Sunday

A lot of people at church were new and a lot of old people weren’t there. Father Morgan couldn’t preach today so the new preacher had to. Papa looked worried but mama didn’t. She said to listen extra hard when the preacher talked about meeting god God in the clouds and stuff but I never hear God play music. 

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Monday

Class was closed today because Miss Ms. Sally didn’t come and the extra teacher won’t. That’s okay because she’s not as nice. Ms. Sally lets me stay later to help my homework and talks to me about life things. Stuff other adults won’t tell me about. Teacher Perkins acts like I’m stupid but Ms. Sally tells me like why church people were mad at Ms. Riley’s baby and how we found Tommy pale because he breathed in the lake. I won’t know stuff if she won’t come back. 

Teachers want to stop coming and say it’s not safe for kids either. I think papa thinks that too because he makes me work at the shop more. But I miss seeing Jesse more. 

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Tuesday

People don’t use the street much now. Mr. Finley isn’t visiting Ms. Sheffer’s house every day how he likes to. I hope they’re okay. 

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Thursday

I have to be in my room because papa is yelling again and I think he was with old man Thompson. When he came home he heard mama telling me how it’s okay to be scared but I don’t have to be because the disappeared people are okay. She said Jesse’s papa did go on a trip and others did too to heaven. And she said if we’re really good, the angel will take us on that trip too. I do want to meet papa’s mama and say hi to Jesse’s papa again but I don’t know if we’ll get a ticket because of my papa. But I want to meet his mama and meet go God and be at peas forever like mama said. I can hear papa yelling her that it’s stupid to give me hope stories about heaven.

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Friday

Mama didn’t wake me up before she went to work so papa did. He was different upset and told me to go to school again. I said it was too early but he made me. So I went to Jesse’s house and waited while he got ready. I said about my weird morning and his face looked like my papa’s. Jesse is taking too long to get ready. 

The store was closed after school so I can’t make sure the food is okay. Papa made me go to bed early when he got back but it only just got dark and mama isn’t home yet. My tummy feels tight and hard and I don’t know who else to ask why. 

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Sunday

I think mama is gone too now.

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Wednesday

I’m really tired. Some kids in Jesse’s class stopped coming to school and their parents can’t find them. Papa says they probably snuck on a trip and got trouble but he doesn’t know them right. Sarah just reads for fun and isn’t friends with Fred or Josie and them two do nothing after school. But now papa makes me not go to school and I have to orgin sort and clean the shop all day. It’s extra boring because the radio won’t play music and there isn’t much to sort. Farmers won’t bring us things. Papa says they don’t have extra crop to sell. I think he’s scared even if he won’t say it. He won’t talk to me when he gets back from looking. I can hear him whisper his crying. I wish papa would talk to me like Ms. Sally does.

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Thursday

Jesse is nice and visits me after his school. He took me to the pond today but we sit different now to not see the grave bones. We watched the quiet bird cloud and we were quiet too. Jesse doesn’t talk much now. 

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Saturday

I miss the Jackson farm jellies. Papa said we can’t eat them so we can sell what’s left because they can’t give us more this year.

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Wednesday

Too many are gone. I’m too tired to write more today. 

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Sunday

Papa isn’t waking up all day. He’s always hard to wake up when he smells like old man Thompson but I thought he would this time because his cuts look like they really hurt. I tried to put a bandaid on one arm but it was hard to stick on the blood. He’s pale like Tommy was. I don’t think papa will wake up.

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Tuesday

Jesse came to visit because he saw the shop closed again. We sat at the pond and I told him about papa. He told me he’s alone too but for a while. Now he will be my papa and I will be his mama. His hugs are nicer than papa.

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Wednesday

I live with Jesse at the shop now. We don’t open it and no one checks if we do. The radio still won’t play music or stories anymore so we talk a lot. I talk a lot or else all I can hear is people being loud outside. Jesse lets me and listens.

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Monday

Most of the food is gross now and the good food is almost gone. We can’t look for more yet because Jesse says it’s not safe. I asked Jesse why people outside are so angry and he said they’re scared. I asked if they’re scared they won’t go to heaven and he said probly probably. He looked more tired than scared but I asked if he was. He said he’s scared of being left alone.

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Thursday

I can’t find Jesse. He’s not in the shop and he never leaves without telling. 

I checked the pond but he’s not here. 

I went to his house but no one is home. I tried to go home but people were yelling in the streets and breaking windows so I ran all the way back to lock in Jesse’s. The radio buzzing is helping not hear the yelling like Jesse showed me.

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Sunday

Jesse’s house is church today. I cried to God. I asked why he won’t take me to heaven too. I told him to ask Father Morgan that I can go. I told him I wouldn't be like papa, that mama taught me good. I don't want to be left alone.

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Monday

I think God sent a friend today. I thought it was Jesse out by the pond but I went outside and it was someone else. His head looked like a frog’s neck and he looked kind of squishy. I think I should have been scared because he was a stranger but I wasn’t. I think he was trying to be nice and it felt like he was okay to be with. His voice is like when I’m sick and he asked me some weird questions. He asked me “why be good.” My answer was stupid because I told him you’re just supposed to be. But then I told him it’s because it feels nice. He was quiet for a bit and I think he was thinking. Then he asked me “what is good.” Something inside me felt like he wasn’t asking about things like catching frogs with Jesse or hugs from mama. But mama was good, so I said her. The weird person shook a yes head and said “yes” like he knew. Something inside me felt like asking him why he took mama. He said “we learn.” I don’t know what they want to learn, but maybe if I could help mama teach he would let me see her again. But when I asked he shook a no head. So I asked him why. He said my good is not ripe.

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I’m still not in heaven. I'm still left alone.