Cold Hearted

Liza gently twisted the cold, plastic cap from the equally cold plastic orange container. She shook a small green pill into the palm of her hand and smiled. She finally found a way to get Jacob to take his pills, after trying every other method she could think of. She crushed them into his milk, and he spit it out. She mixed it into chocolate pudding, and he threw it on the floor because “it had crumbs” in it. She tried bribing with sweets, time-outs for refusing, and stickers on a chart. But now, finally, she was able to convince him to take his “ice” pills. He loved the cold feel of them in his mouth, and told her it was like a popsicle but better. Liza was not about to argue. Whatever it took to get him to eat one daily was fine with her. She could file her weekly report back to the government without fear of punishment that everyone in her family was strictly following the law to eat one per day. 

She handed Jacob his “ice” and he greedily placed it in his mouth. He closed his eyes and moved it around with his tongue. Finally, he chomped it into icy cold bits and swallowed it down. 

“Open. Let me see,” Liza instructed. 

Jacob complied with an, “Ahhhhh.” He then closed his mouth and skipped out of the kitchen to play with his toy cars. 

Liza placed the bottle back in the freezer, and got to work on dinner. It was taco night, and she was chopping tomatoes when Richard walked through the door. 

“Oh, you’re home early. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour,” she said. 

“That’s ok, I’m still pretty full from lunch. How was your day?” Richard asked and placed his briefcase on the table. He worked at a bank, dealing all day in numbers. He approved or denied loans, met with customers, and worked tirelessly on spreadsheets. All of it sounded dreadful to Liza. 

“It’s been a good day. Jacob is on his third day straight taking his pill without problems. It’s really made things much less stressful for me. In fact, —“

“Oh, that’s nice. I’m going to finish a few things in my office. I’ll be out for dinner later,” Richard cut her off. He never cared much for domestic details. 

Liza finished chopping the tomatoes and placed them in a bowl. Next, she began grating a block of cheddar cheese onto the cutting board. As the pile of cheddar shreds grew, she heard the sound of little feet racing across the kitchen towards her. 

“Mommy!” Jacob cheered, and wrapped his arms tightly around his mother’s leg. Liza dropped the grater in her hand, and immediately jumped back from the sudden embrace. 

“Jacob! What are you doing?” she exclaimed. Liza looked around, for a moment worried somebody may have seen. 

“You know there is no hugging allowed. No hugs, kisses, cuddles, or snuggles. We showed you the pictures of what we are not to do, the things we could get in trouble for doing. Remember?” Liza said, kneeling down and looking into Jacob’s big brown eyes. 

“But, I love you!” Jacob said and hugged Liza again, this time around her neck. 

“Jacob! Where did you hear that word?” Liza asked in a panic. She and Richard never used that word, especially not in front of Jacob where he may hear and repeat it. 

“It was in my video,” Jacob innocently replied. 

Liza knew all videos, movies, television series, and books involving love were banned years ago. It took a long time, but every single one was deleted and destroyed. One must have slipped through the tech filters if Jacob saw one in his stream. 

“Let me see your tablet. Show me the video you watched, ok?” Liza said, holding Jacob’s tablet in front of them. 

“It was just right here, but now it’s gone! Where did it go?” Jacob asked, scrolling through videos about frogs and dolphins instead. 

“Let’s just forget about the video, ok? And it’s best not to mention it to your father. He wouldn’t understand. Now go back to your cars until dinner is ready,” Liza said and watched Jacob tromp away with disappointment. 

Liza put together everyone’s dinner plates, but puzzled over why Jacob would give her a hug. The pills were supposed to stop feelings of love, which is what would have prompted him to hug her like that. The government specifically designed the pills as neuroblocking agents to stop the neurotransmitters responsible for that feeling. How could they be followers of their leader if they were inhibited by feelings of love for anything or anyone other than him? Liza shook her head, and sat down. It just didn’t make sense. Unless…

Liza went to the freezer and took out the bottle of pills that were Jacob’s. A child’s dosage differed from an adult’s, so he had his own bottle. Liza’s bottle was designed for a female, and Richard’s was designed for a male. The government even color coded them so they would not be mixed up: Childrens were green, women had pink, and men had blue. It was all very straightforward. But this sudden change in Jacob was concerning. 

Liza read the label. “Children aged 12 and younger take one pill per day with or without food. Do not freeze.”

Liza had never bothered to read that last part of the instructions on the bottle. What happened when you froze the pills? She went to the medicine cabinet and took her bottle from the shelf and read, “Women aged 12 and older take one pill per day with or without food. Do not freeze.” Liza put the bottle in her apron pocket. She went to the kitchen and placed her bottle in the freezer. What if freezing the pills altered their ability to stop people from feeling love? She knew it was risky, but she needed to know. 

                                                                  ***

Three days later, and three days of taking frozen pink pills, Liza had her answer. It was suddenly as if her world that was clouded with gray dullness had exploded with color. She looked at her garden, and the flowers were brighter. She drank her coffee, and the taste made her sigh with joy. She looked at her son, and felt so full of happiness, she didn’t know what to do with it all. She scooped him up into her arms, and gave him the biggest hug she could manage. Jacob squealed with delight, saying “I love you, Mommy!” and returned the embrace. 

Liza greeted her husband when he returned home from work and…nothing. Not a single spark of light, or warmth running through her. Maybe it took longer to work towards adults than her own child? Shrugging it off, Liza made dinner then sat with Jacob reading stories about dogs off on adventures in the woods. 

                                                               ***

The following day, Liza left Jacob with the babysitter to go out and run errands. She went to the post office, then stopped at the grocery store to pick up food for the week. As she compared prices on apples, she was startled by someone approaching her. 

“Liza! How are you doing?” she heard a deep voice say from behind her. The mere sound of that voice sent chills up and down her arms. She turned to find Heath, a friend she hadn’t seen in years. They’d met at work, but Liza didn’t stay at the job. They parted ways and did not keep in touch.

Liza’s blue eyes locked with Heath’s. She felt a surge of heat rush to her face, her legs suddenly trembled, and she dropped the apples in her hands to the floor.

“Heath! Oh my gosh!” she managed to say, as they both started laughing and bending to pick up the apples she had dropped.

“Here, let me help you!” Heath said as they each grabbed for the same bright Red Delicious laying on the white tile floor. Their hands touched, and Liza felt as though she couldn't see for a moment. A white hot flame clouded her eyes, and she stayed crouched to the floor with her hand still clasped on Heath’s and the apple. She reluctantly let go, and was able to stand again.

“You look fantastic, Liza. What has it been, four years? Are you still living around here?” Heath asked.

“Yes, I’m still here. I actually live just a few blocks away. Are you still working for Redmund’s?” Liza asked, unable to hide her smile.

“Yeah, still with Redmund’s! They transferred me out of state not long after you left, but I just got transferred here again. I have an apartment about a block from here. Makes shopping pretty convenient!” Heath laughed. 

“That’s wonderful that you were transferred here again! Are you and your wife settling in pretty well?” Liza asked, slyly trying to get more information. 

“Never married, myself. You?” Heath asked, indifferently.

“Yes, for a few years now. Richard works at the bank across town. And we have a little boy, Jacob. He’s a handful!” Liza said, inching closer. Needing to be closer. She smelled his cologne, and the scent of musky wood filled her. 

“Well, it was great to run into you again! Maybe I’ll see you around!” Heath said with a wave and walked away. 

Liza watched as he disappeared down an aisle. Her heart was pounding, she felt tiny beads of perspiration sitting on her forehead, and her palms were sticky with sweat. What just happened to her? This was different from how she felt when she looked at Jacob. And when she looked at Richard, there was definitely not the same reaction. 

Grabbing what she needed for dinner, Liza finished her shopping quickly, picked up Jacob, and headed home. But all she could think about was how it felt when Heath’s hand touched hers. The way his eyes sparkled, his hair falling in a tousled wave over his forehead. Her stomach felt like a gust of wind had breezed around her insides. But, she liked this new feeling. She felt like she wanted more of it. And she needed to figure out how she could see Heath again. Soon.

Richard returned from work, and Liza stood near him as he washed his hands at the kitchen sink. Nothing. Not a single sensation. She sighed heavily. Marriage was the result of two people mutually agreeing to get married, and fulfill the government requirement of having no more than one child. There was no such thing as separating once married and living together. They did their part, and Liza had felt her duty was complete. Until now. 

Richard cast a wary look her way. He asked, “Is everything ok? You look…different.”

“Do I? Probably because I was running around doing errands all day. But I did run into someone I knew years ago. He was shopping at —” 

“That’s great. I’ll be in my office. Call me for dinner, ok?” Richard said as he left the kitchen. 

“He was shopping at Foodmart. And I think I love him,” Liza said with irritation, knowing Richard was neither in the room any longer nor paying attention to her. 

Liza made herself a cup of tea, and sat at the kitchen table. She was never unhappy with Richard before. But, she also never knew she could feel what she felt today when she saw Heath. The only problem was now that she knew what love felt like, and that she did not feel it for Richard, she was stuck. She finished her tea, went to the freezer, and swallowed her frozen pill. Maybe there was a way she could get around the marriage with Richard, and be with Heath? But how? And most importantly, would Heath feel the same way about her? 

                                                            ***

Liza spent the next week stopping into Foodmart around the same time as when she saw Heath. Finally, it had worked. As she studied soup labels to find the single brand Jacob would eat, she felt a hand on her arm. Before she even turned to see who it belonged to, she knew. She felt it deep inside stirring something. She closed her eyes for the briefest moment, whispering Heath in her head. 

“We meet again!” Heath said as Liza turned to look at him. He was just as handsome as last time, if not more. He had a little facial hair not yet shaved, making him look rugged and earthy. 

“Heath! What a great surprise!” Liza said. Her heart started beating faster, and her breath caught as she tried to speak. 

“I was hoping you’d say something like that!” Heath said, not yet removing his hand from her arm. 

“You…you were?” Liza said shakily. Before she had a chance to wonder what he could mean by that, he continued. 

“Yeah. Well, since moving back to town, I really don’t have anyone to talk to here. It’s nice having a friend to bump into. I was thinking maybe I can get your number in case you ever wanted to meet up for lunch or something like that,” Heath said, not knowing how his words were making Liza’s heart skip a beat. 

“That would be a great idea, Heath! I’d love to get out of the house once in a while. Sometimes it feels like all I do is cook, clean, and repeat,” Liza said laughing. 

Heath pulled out his phone, and entered Liza’s number. He sent her a text so she would have his number as well. They said their goodbyes, and Liza floated in bliss all the way home. She told the babysitter she may need her more often, as she smiled at Jacob who was seated at the table painting pictures of dinosaurs.

Once the babysitter had left, and Jacob was still engrossed in green and purple painted dinosaurs, Liza went to the medicine cabinet. She took Richard’s pill container and read the information printed on the side. “Men aged 12 and older take one pill per day with or without food.” Liza reread the bottle, and turned it around to see if there were more instructions anywhere on it. None. Why did her bottle and Jacob’s have a warning about freezing, but not Richard’s? Were grown men immune to the reversal of effects freezing had on the pills? She put Richard’s bottle in the freezer beside her and Jacob’s, and would see what happened. 

At dinner, Liza placed Richard’s pill on his dinner plate along with his meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Scrolling through his phone, he didn’t even notice the cold temperature of the pill as he ate it along with his meal. Liza continued this for a week, with no reaction from Richard. He neither noticed the now cold pill, nor did he behave any differently than when they were in the medicine cabinet. 

Liza came to the realization that men could not feel love as she and Jacob were now able to. Whatever the chemical reaction, the drugs, the effect of the cold pills on their hearts, it did not extend to grown men. Heath would never feel what Liza felt. He would never seek her touch, or feel the electricity she felt when she was near him. 

Liza took her bottle of pink pills and placed them back in the medicine cabinet, along with Richard and Jacob’s. If she were alone in feeling love, she didn’t want to continue it. And she didn’t want her son to feel the heartbreak of someday loving someone who could not love him in return if she followed the government’s rule for a love free society. Liza decided she would sooner face the daily challenge of getting him to take his pill without it being frozen. 

                                                             ***

A week later, Liza felt the lifeless gray cloud around her heart once again. She was unable to fully remember the feelings she had felt when she had taken the iced pill, and been with Heath. She knew she had once felt something, and it was different, but beyond that she couldn't stir it again. 

Richard arrived home from work, as usual, and went to his office. Jacob watched videos of animals on his tablet. Liza prepared dinner and served it to her family, fulfilling her duty. An email popped up on her phone, and she opened it. 

“Please check the appropriate boxes and reply before Sunday, February 23rd. Thank you for your continued participation in our Civil Duties for the Leader program requirements.” 

Liza checked the boxes by her, Richard, and Jacob’s names that they had taken all their pills that week. As she hit send to reply to the message, a text came in from her friend, Chelsie. 

“Hey girl, how about lunch next week?” 

“For sure! Thursday at Dino’s, noon?” Liza messaged back.

“Perfect. I’ll see you then!” Chelsie messaged. And then Liza had a thought. It didn’t work on men, but what if…

Liza went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed her bottle of pink pills. She set it once again in the freezer, and smiled.