It all started at the university. I was just aping my best friend about a date I had the day before. I just started my course in Marketing. All my best friends followed the same course. Then a new guy walked into class. You never guess who it was. It was literally the guy from the date. My friend Emma and I ‘dated’ guys in exchange for money. So, this guy, Ricardo, had was someone who paid me the day before for 300 euros in his house where we had sex. He was very handsome, so I didn’t understand why he paid girls to have sex with him. Maybe it was some fetish or something.
He sat next to a friend of mine, Reimar. They started talking and I noticed they got on very well. Shit, I thought, he can’t become friends with my friends. That would be so awkward. I noticed him staring at me; he must be feeling the same thing, just not knowing he was making friends with my friends. Reimar texted me: ‘A guy who’s totally your type, Desiree! Don’t you think!’
I didn’t text him back. I was feeling totally stressed out. The class finally ended, and I didn’t notice anything the teacher was saying because I was too freaked out about this guy. He can’t tell my friends about what I did; these guys didn’t know about anything and Reimar was my ex-boyfriend as well. I tried to overhear their conversation, but I couldn’t figure out what they were talking about. I think just boy-stuff, but I didn’t know for sure. When I tried to get out of the class as soon as possible, but Reimar and Ricardo followed me. My whole group of friends joined me in the hallway and Reimar introduced Ricardo to me. I shook his hand, I told him my real name, Desiree. My ‘dating’ name was Lola. He looked a bit awkward but apparently, he used his real name: Ricardo.
“Hi,” I said awkwardly.
“Nice to meet you, Lola.” That was a relief, he also pretended not to know me. Apparently, his sex-life was also a secret.
“Yeah, nice to meet you as well,” I answered. The buys started talking but Reimar looked at me. He knew me so well that he noticed that I was feeling awkward. I texted Emma where she was. She wasn’t in my regular friend group; we had our own little thing outside of my friends. She was just walking by and signed that I had to go with her to the toilet.
“I got to go. See you guys in the next class,” I said, and quickly walked away. I walked into the bathroom and cuddled Emma.
“Nice new dude in your class,” she said.
“I know. I had sex with him last night. What are the odds of him being in my class? It’s totally fucked up! What if he tells something to my friends, especially Reimar?!”
“What?! No… That is fucked up!”
“Yeah, well. We just met and I told him my real name. I feel so awkward. But he also pretends not to know me. I don’t think he’ll tell anyone since he’s also weird for paying me, right? I just can’t have him being in my friend group! It’s so awkward! And what if he becomes best friend with Reimar? I mean, don’t guys talk about these kinds of thing eventually?”
“Well, I don’t think he will,” Emma said. “dudes talk about dude stuff. Well, as long as he doesn’t recommend Lola to his friends,” she said laughing.
“It’s not funny! And he’s following the exact same course as I do! I really can’t deal with this stuff. Oh my god, he sent me a message: ‘Hi Lola, that was kind of a shock. But your friends are really cool, so I won’t tell a thing. Have any plans tonight so we can talk?’”
“Ah he’s even really nice! You have to introduce him to me! Maybe he would like to go on a date with your very awesome best friend! Did he pay well?”
“300 euros so it was okay, but we had such a nice time. We met in a bar and I went home with him and we danced in his room together, we made out and yeah... the sex was great. I felt so great with him. But it was supposed to be for one night. I don’t want him to get to know the real me, you know. It would ruin the night we had. And I’m not going to do anything with him now! He’s already friends with my ex! Reimar actually tried to set us up instead of trying to get back together. I don’t know what to do. And what about my potential boyfriend Sam?” Emma laughed again.
“You’ve got yourself in a very difficult situation, dear!” she replied with a serious voice, as if she was my parent.
“Too many boys for me. But I’ll first talk to him. Maybe we can sort something out.”
“Okay, let me know how it went, yeah? Don’t do anything stupid, girl!” she said and kissed me on my check and went back to her own group of friends. I fixed my make-up and went back to my group of friends as well. Reimars new girlfriend was there as well. I hated her. She stole my love. Virginia is her name. She’s super beautiful but I can see why she’s with him. They make the perfect couple. They’re always posting selfies of them together. He likes the attention of being the perfect couple. She should have known that he was still having sex with me as they were together. But now I was with Sam, and I’m an escort. I broke up the contact with him, but she can’t handle the fact that we are friends. Sam was a guy from Emma’s friend group. He and I got this instant attraction, it was totally not according to my plan, but I like him so much and don’t want to lose him. Having Ricardo here could ruin everything.
We went to our next class. This time, Ricardo sat next to me. It was a bit awkward at first, but he was so casual about it.
“So, Desiree. Nice to meet you,” he said smiling. “I think Lola suits you better. Does any friends know about what you do?”
“No, of course not. I have a sort of boyfriend. He’s in the Entrepreneurial course together with my friend Emma. She knows. She does the same thing. Truly, my friends can’t know about it. Please don’t say anything to my friends. Reimar is my ex and he would love to break up Sam and me.”
“But he has a girlfriend as well, right? The girl uhm… what’s her name? Totally not interesting.” I laughed. I told him I totally agreed.
“I don’t want to lose him. Virginia is her name by the way.”
“Of course, I won’t tell. However, I do like you as well. You were absolutely the perfect girl last night. But I do have a line between the girls I hook up with and the girls I go to university with and are in my class. I really like your friend group, even though they clearly have a bad taste in girls. That’s why I rather pay girls; they are professionals, and not as boring and clingy as that Virginia girl. You are awesome in my opinion.” I laughed shyly.
“Well, you don’t know me that well. But I’m definitely not boring though. Not girlfriend material either. I do really like Sam. You would like him as well I think. However, I would never introduce you to him”
“Why not? I would hope you’d like me as well. And I can pay you to keep things clear between us.”
“Because of exactly that. He doesn’t know a thing. But let’s talk tonight, okay? I’m afraid my friends will hear us, and some of my friends are assholes as well. It would ruin my reputation.”
“Okay, let’s listen to our teacher in that case. Where do you want to meet?”
“Outside of the University?”
“Okay, cool. See you there at 9 tonight?” I nodded and tried to pay attention to the teacher, but it was hard to focus with Ricardo next to me. There was obviously a sexual tension between us. Or at least I felt it, and he was just focusing at the teacher and making notes. I couldn’t stand it if guys were not interested at all in me, just for sex and paying me. It made it hard to not like him.
After class we said goodbye and I went to see Sam first. He noticed I wasn’t there giving him my full attention and asked me about it. I told him I was having a bad day, and tried to give him some love. I was just being very confused. I really liked Ricardo as well. He was exciting and interesting. Sam was lovely as well, but I kept having Ricardo in mind. Especially because we were meeting tonight.
“Is something wrong?” Sam asked.
“No, it’s just.. I have a lot on my mind. I think it’s better if I go home.”
“What’s on your mind then?” he asked.
“Nothing, it’s just.. my parents. They are splitting up, right? Since my father cheated on my mom. And I have to deal with it,” I answered. It was true. I also had that on my mind. However, I wasn’t any better than my dad. My mom was having a really hard time because of it, and my dad only hurt her. I just couldn’t be there for her now. I was having my own shit to deal with. I had to finish up with Ricardo first. I also had to stop being an escort. Somehow, I couldn’t. It gave me a lot of confidence, but it wasn’t fair to Sam. I had to figure my shit out.
“I have to be there for my mom right now.”
“I understand. You should be there for her right now,” he said. I felt even more guilty lying to him because he was so understanding. But still I decided to leave. I got something to eat on my way back to the university. I waited till 9 o’clock outside of the school for Ricardo to arrive. He came riding in his red Tesla. I couldn’t understand how he got that much money while still studying. Or did he just study to become closer to me? I didn’t know, but it was such a strange situation.
“Hey Lola. Or should I call you Desiree now?” he said, smiling.
“That depends on what you want,” I said. I wanted him really bad. I felt so guilty. “So, want me to show you something nice?”
“Okay Lola, Show me.” He answered. I took him into the university, to the roof. It was one of the places Sam had shown me once. It was such a nice place to chill. I knew I was doing something so wrong right now.
“So, you like it here? I didn’t know you were studying here as well. I’ve never seen you here before.”
“I know. I’ve just started my studies here a while ago. I didn’t know you studied here as well. I was actually really glad I saw you. I couldn’t keep you off my mind since I saw you yesterday, to be honest. I think you’re amazing,” he said. He his hands around my waist and kissed me. “I like your friends as well. But I didn’t knew you had a boyfriend, though. How do you combine that with your work?”
“I don’t know. I have to make a choice to go for him or go for my work. I really love to see you as well, though. I love seeing you as well,” I told him. I kissed me again. “I liked seeing you as well. I have a boyfriend though.”
“So you want money?”
“Yes,” I told him. “To keep our distance,” I told him. “I can’t see you otherwise. I have a boyfriend.”
“sure. 300 again?”
“yes. That’s fine.” I kissed him. I like you though, I told him. We kissed again. He pulled me closer to him and I felt him getting hard. He pulled my t-shirt out and my black skirt. We made love under the stars. I still felt guilty towards Sam, but I let him go ahead and let him kiss me everywhere. It felt so good to make love with him, and I truly wanted him make love with me. It felt great, just as the day before. Afterward he gave me the 300 euros and it felt so wrong to take the money and put my clothes back on.
“You’re so sexy,” he said to me.
“you as well,” I replied.
“I would love to do this more often.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. It felt great, but I can’t do this to my boyfriend.” I looked back and there he was. Sam was looking at us. I wondered how long he was looking. Did he see us making love? I saw him walking away. How did he know I was here? Or did he just happened to come here? Emma was standing there as well.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “He came to me and was so hurt. I’m sorry we came to the same place,” she said. “I’m sorry I was with him. It’s just.. I felt sorry for him. I wanted to cheer him up. I wasn’t going to have sex with him, I promise,” she said. She kept standing there until I walked to her.
“It’s okay,” I replied. “It’s my own fault,” and walked away to see whether Sam was still there. I saw him crying in the hallway.
“I’m so sorry,” I said to him.
“It’s over between us.” I started to cry as well. I ruined everything. For what? For having a night with Ricardo.
“I’m really sorry,” I said again. “Please don’t break up with me.” He walked away. Emma and Ricardo were standing behind me. I was crying and Ricardo hugged me.
“Be with me,” he said. I couldn’t think straight. I didn’t want to lose Sam. I ran away, into the night. That was the story between me and Ricardo and Sam. I wish it never happened because I loved Sam so much. Now it was over. Emma ran towards me and hugged me. I decided to be an escort. I already ruined my relationship.
Money is easier. I decided I’m not girlfriend material. I only hurt people. I missed Sam so much, but I didn’t have a choice. Emma and I decided that being an escort was all we were able to be. I broke his heart and I couldn’t live with it. Ricardo paid me every time after that night. That was all I was. I couldn’t be with him. I was an escort, and I couldn’t feel love anymore. I would just hurt people. From then everything started to go downwards.