Serena

"Breathe, Thomas. It's just how we drew it up." I closed my eyes to rerun the scenario through my head.

"When she emerges from the water, her hair dripping from the salty sea, you move the ring from the blue beach bag to your baggy, cheap, quick-stop bathing suit with Dinosaurs on it. The one you had checked if it had pockets for this moment exactly. You had even practiced in the port-o-potty you had changed in when you got here a few hours ago."

Im nervous, OK? I think it's ok to be nervous when your life could change so quickly. The only difference was, this wasn't for forever. But I came here to focus on the now. Serena and I packed up the car this morning for the impromptu trip to the beach. I still couldn't believe this was her first time. I loved to experience new things with her, it was though I could feel her excitement through her smile. Her laugh.

Small heart attack ensued as I rummaged through the beach bag. I couldn't find the damn thing. I saw Serena in her blue bikini swimming through the waves. Bobbing as she threw her hair behind her. I rushed when she went under, my head sunk into the deep bag. I found it. Palm and forehead sweat receded. Why did I just become itchy. Good god, I'm a mess.

I smiled and waved as she turned towards the beach. We were the only ones here, so I knew this moment would be special. Serena didn't have family, so it was only about her and I. She began to advance in my direction. The ring box felt tight in my pocket, but I kept it hidden below the novel I was reading.

She smelled like the ocean and bliss. Her lips touched mine, and I felt the salty seawater dance upon my lips. I told a stupid joke, she laughed as she sat in my lap. "I just want to sleep in your arms, then we can do whatever you like for the day." We slept. Her clammy, wet skin stuck to mine.

Then, I was back behind the wheel of my 98 Impala. In a flash, an instant, I was speeding down the interstate. It seemed to be a dream. But reality struck at the hospital bedside. Holding my Serena's hand. We knew this moment would come, but of course, not on the best day of our lives. She wanted me to ask soon, because she knew this was coming. We knew this was coming. It seemed I may have asked too late. She would've said yes, wouldn't she? I fell asleep, ring in one hand, her hand in the other.

"Hey, can we get a nurse back in here?" I shouted into the hallway. I awoke to beeping on the monitors behind me. It was fluctuating more than any moment in the 8 hours we had been here. A nurse showed up with a chart an iced coffee. I needed one of those coffees.

The nurse spoke calmly, in an accent that reminded me of my mother. It almost comforted me. "I'm sorry sweetheart, those are normal fluctuations. Get some rest, and I'll wake you when we see any real signs. Ok?"

Sleep evaded me. And the beeps stayed steady. I got one of those iced coffees from the lobby, and waited at my Serena's bedside for another sign. Something to feel her again.

The next day came, and my mother and father arrived. I think I said it before, but I was Serena's only family. My mother and father adored her as I did. A hug, a hand tap, and they were gone. "Get some rest honey, it will help pass the time." Now this reminded me of the nurse, but her words calmed me enough to rest.

Again, awoken suddenly. Beeping. Why can't I be awake to see what is happening. I wanted to see her eyes or mouth move. Her breath to fluctuate. The nurse showed no sign of catching the alarm. I called down the hallway again. It was like an echo chamber of hurt. The same cycle. "I'll wake you when we see any real signs. Ok?"

I couldn't sleep. We wouldn't be together forever. I knew that. But I couldn't let her leave this life, this earth, without fulfilling the promise I made to her that day. I would ask her to be my wife, she would exalt with a yes. We wanted to feel that moment, that joy. We didn't know what would come next, but we knew it was what we wanted. But I needed to hear her say yes. I didn't need tears, doves flying through the sky, a band playing love ballads. Only the signs of yes. I set my phone on record before I fell asleep in the chair for the night.

It came together like a love story from the stacks of novels she went through before the disease became terminal. We were connected more than I could ever imagine. I guess I was practicing for a moment that would never come. We were back at the beach in this dream, I was on one knee. The waves matched the white coverup she threw on before our long walk on the beach.

"Will you marry me, Serena?" I asked her.

In the dream, still - her mouth moved, but no words. My subconscious was keeping from me the thing I needed most.

I awoke to beeping again. I went to call the nurse, but she was already at the door. This was real. She rushed past me to my Serena. She held her hand in the places it seemed only nurses in crisis knew. A doctor came shortly after, his white coat was far too similar to the coverup in my dream. My eyes flooded. Heartbreak and pain. I said goodbye to my Serena.

Mom and Dad were back at the hospital shortly after Serena left us. I couldn't bare to drive home. Alone for the first since I met Serena. In the car I opened my phone to relive our last few moments. I had taken photos of her on that nearly perfect final beach day. It surprised me at first, and my heart dropped. It was still recording. I surveyed the voice spectrum on my iPhone. I saw the dots that were out of place. I scanned to that, and the beeps the same as before. I rewinded a few moments to see what else I could hear. It was my Serena, as calmly and lovely as ever. It was like a conclusion to a dramatic opera. The downfall, the rise, the climax, and the resolution. She said yes. I kept my promise, and she said yes.