The Girl in the Red Coat

Journal of Kit Harrington

October 1st, 2023

9:12 PM

I never thought I’d keep a diary, but I don’t know where else to put my thoughts. I need somewhere safe to store them, somewhere no one can find. This book seems like the best bet for that. It’s old, worn, a leather-bound relic I found at a used bookstore a few weeks ago. I wasn’t looking for it; it found me, really. And maybe that’s what I need now—something to find me and make sense of this mess in my head.

It’s been two months since *it* happened. Two months of avoiding eye contact, of sleepless nights and fake smiles. And I can’t hold it in anymore. Not even my closest friends know. Not even *Mia* knows.

I wish I could say the secret was something simple. Something people would laugh about if I told them years from now. But it’s not. It’s something I have to live with, every single day. And it’s eating me alive.

---

October 5th, 2023

11:20 PM

It’s been four days, and I haven’t written a word since that first entry. Maybe that’s because I’m scared. Scared to put the truth on paper, scared to admit that the person I see in the mirror isn’t the person I used to be. It’s strange how one moment can change everything. One mistake.

Mia’s been asking me what’s wrong. I’ve lied to her every time. She can sense it, I think. The tension, the distance, the way I flinch when she touches me. It’s not her fault. God, she doesn’t deserve any of this.

I remember the night so clearly. The rain, the smell of damp earth, the dim headlights cutting through the fog. And that flash of red—a coat, maybe, or a scarf? The impact, the way my heart leaped into my throat. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. What if I’d hurt someone? What if I’d killed them?

I drove home, shaking, my knuckles white on the steering wheel. The silence in the car was suffocating. But when I checked the news the next day, there was nothing. No reports of an accident. No missing persons. No blood on my car. I convinced myself I imagined it. But the guilt hasn’t gone away.

---

October 10th, 2023

1:45 AM

It’s gotten worse. The dreams. They started about two weeks after it happened, but now they’re every night. In them, I’m back on that road, alone. The fog is thick, and I can barely see ahead of me, but I keep driving, my heart pounding, my breath shallow. And then I see it again—the red. This time, though, I stop. I get out of the car, my hands trembling as I approach the crumpled figure on the ground.

And every time, it’s the same face. A young girl, no older than sixteen. She looks up at me, her eyes wide and terrified. But she doesn’t scream. She doesn’t even speak. She just stares at me as the blood pools around her.

I wake up drenched in sweat, gasping for air. Mia’s asked about the nightmares, too. But how could I ever tell her? How could I ever explain?

---

October 15th, 2023

3:33 PM

I saw her today. The girl from my dreams. But it wasn’t a dream.

I was walking downtown, trying to clear my head, when I saw her across the street. She was standing by a coffee shop, wearing that same red coat from that night. My heart stopped. It was her—same pale skin, same dark hair, same haunted eyes.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but I crossed the street, following her. She disappeared around a corner, and when I turned to follow, she was gone. Just like that. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, my pulse racing, trying to make sense of it.

She’s not real. She can’t be. But why does she feel so real?

I haven’t been able to focus on anything since. Work feels like a blur, and Mia’s been distant. Maybe I’m pushing her away, or maybe she’s pulling back, sensing the cracks I’m trying so hard to hide.

---

October 18th, 2023

5:00 PM

I went back to the place. I had to. I drove out to that road again, the one from two months ago. It took me an hour to gather the courage to leave the house, and the entire drive I felt like I was suffocating, but I needed to see it. I needed to know.

The road was just as I remembered it—winding, desolate, flanked by thick woods. The fog wasn’t there this time, but the air felt heavy, like something was watching me.

I parked the car at the side of the road and walked. I walked for what felt like miles, retracing every turn, every bump. But there was nothing. No sign of an accident. No broken branches, no blood, no body. It was like it had never happened.

Maybe it didn’t. Maybe I’m going crazy.

---

October 22nd, 2023

7:30 PM  

I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine. I thought I could, but I can’t. Mia asked me again today if I was okay. She asked if I still loved her. I said yes. I think I meant it, but even that feels like a lie now.

I’ve been pushing her away. Every time she tries to get close, I find an excuse to leave the room. I’m afraid of what she’ll see if she looks too closely—afraid she’ll see the guilt, the fear, the shame. She doesn’t deserve that. She deserves someone better.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. The girl—whoever she is—she’s in my head all the time now. I see her everywhere. In the corner of my eye, in crowded streets, even in the mirror sometimes.

---

October 26th, 2023

2:15 AM

I broke down tonight. Mia and I were watching a movie, something light, something that usually would have made me laugh. But I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was her. The girl in the red coat.

And then, out of nowhere, I just started crying. Not little tears, but full-on sobbing. Mia tried to comfort me, asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t tell her. I just kept crying until I couldn’t breathe. She looked so lost, so hurt. She asked me if it was her. If I didn’t love her anymore. And God, I wanted to tell her the truth, but how could I?

She deserves the truth. She deserves better than this.

---

October 29th, 2023

4:00 PM

I’ve decided to tell her. I have to. This secret is destroying me, and if I don’t let it out, I think it might destroy us, too.

I’ve rehearsed the conversation a hundred times in my head. I’ll start by telling her about that night, about how I was driving home in the rain, how I didn’t see her until it was too late. I’ll tell her I panicked, that I didn’t stop because I was too scared. And then I’ll tell her about the dreams, about how she’s been haunting me, how I’ve seen her in the streets, how I’m not even sure if she’s real.

I’m terrified of how she’ll react. What if she doesn’t believe me? What if she leaves me? But I can’t keep lying to her. Not anymore.

---

October 31st, 2023

11:59 PM

It’s done. I told Mia everything. And now… I don’t know what’s next.

It wasn’t how I imagined it would go. I sat her down after dinner, my hands shaking, my throat dry. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I started with the night of the accident, how I thought I hit someone, but there was no proof. Then I told her about the dreams, about the girl in the red coat, about seeing her in the city.

She didn’t say anything at first. She just sat there, staring at me, her expression unreadable. And then she asked me the question I’d been dreading: “Why didn’t you stop?”

I didn’t have an answer. Or at least, not one that made sense. I told her I was scared, that it didn’t feel real at the time, that I thought maybe I’d imagined it. But even as I said the words, I knew they sounded weak. Pathetic.

Mia got up and left the room. She’s been gone for hours now. I don’t know where she went, or if she’s coming back.

---

November 2nd, 2023

9:45 AM

Mia came back late last night. We didn’t talk. She just climbed into bed beside me and held me while I cried. She didn’t say a word.

I don’t know what this means for us. I don’t know if she can forgive me. Hell, I don’t know if I can forgive myself. But at least now she knows the truth.

I thought telling her would make me feel better, but it hasn’t. The guilt is still there, heavy as ever.

The worst part is… I think I saw her again this morning. But this time, she was smiling.

I don't know what that means.