Warm

He’s so cold.

Milo’s hopeful smile falls from his face as he stares at his world ending right before him, as rain pelts down on his body. He stands there, staring, shivering, frozen in shock. Or maybe fear. He doesn’t know. He can’t feel the rain, or see it, or hear it. The water could be pouring into his ears and he still wouldn’t realize it’s there. There could be a tsunami headed right toward him and he wouldn’t notice, because all he hears right now is a light ringing, one that he can only compare to those brief moments of tinnitus that come out of nowhere. But even that light ringing sounds so far away. His vision is blurring in front of him.

It’s like the storm clouds that had formed around him during his relationship with Bridget finally ruptured, letting loose beads of reflection that would show him who she truly is. It’s almost as if the rain chose to highlight her biggest betrayal right when he was about to take his biggest leap.

The ring burns in his coat pocket. He wants to throw it into a fire.

There’s no fire. Except for the burning in his heart. No. There’s only cold, rushing water hitting him so hard he can’t even feel it. There’s only the dim light leaking out from behind the curtains of Bridget’s first-story, dingy apartment window that lets him see her bare body against some other man’s.

He should’ve known. She had been pulling away lately, spending more time with her friends, calling members of her family, focusing on perfecting her resume at the library and playing her favorite video game instead of answering his texts. He should’ve known she was being unfaithful because she doesn’t have any friends in the city, her parents cut her off months ago, she finally landed her dream job last week, and in the entire time he’s known her, a good book always came before any video games.

She had also been growing more hostile. It wouldn’t matter what he did. Or what he didn’t do.

“It’s really not that hard, I don’t even know what to do with you anymore.”

“How can you live like this? Don’t you have any respect for me?” 

“Tell me that’s not how you talk to your mother. God, you have no manners. You’re lucky I’m staying with you.”

“Keep your filthy dishes out of my sink. It’s an eyesore to look at, and it smells so bad.”

“Did you use paprika in this recipe? It tastes terrible. I gave you the exact recipe, why would you go ahead and mess with it? Literally, do you not have common sense?”

Bridget treated him like a butler, expecting to do everything for her perfectly and efficiently or else she would fire him, pushing him out on the streets to beg for work.

They had been dating for five years.

Milo supposes that his love for her blurred his vision, like the way the rain has blurred his vision now. That he accepted her harsh treatment because she was perfect in every way and had everything she wanted, but he fell short. So he needed to be better than that kid who grew up working for quarters on the dollar and be a man who could provide for his girl. He supposes the dark clouds hovering over them made him immune to darkness, squinting at the sun.

Now that sunlight is attempting to peek through, he’s not sure what to do. His entire world for the past half a decade of his life suddenly doesn’t seem so perfect anymore. He can’t move.

His feet are stuck, his boots sinking into the muddy grass almost as dense as quicksand. He can’t feel his arms, or turn his head away from the horrific movie that’s still playing out in front of him.

Bridget used to be amazing. She used to take care of him when he fell ill, make him avocado toast on the weekends, pay for some of their dinner dates, laugh at his jokes… she used to smile. He hasn’t seen her smile in some time, now that he thinks about it.

Still, they never felt right together. They had been coasting, and it was fun, it was nice. Until it wasn’t. He doesn’t even remember when it turned into “wasn’t.”

He only decided to take the next step after months of his mother pestering him.

“You don’t want to leave this girl hanging, MyMy — you’ve got a good one. No real man that loves his girl waits this long to put a ring on her finger.”

“When am I going to meet my daughter-in-law?”

“Ask her before she gets tired of you, MyMy, I swear.”

“No girl has ever loved you like Bridget does and no one ever will, Milo. This is your one chance.”

It was on a random Tuesday in early November that he finally gave in. He took a cab downtown and walked down the street, entering the first jewelry store he saw.

Round, pear, oval, trillion, marquise, cushion… there were too many options. He became quickly overwhelmed. His eyes kept frantically searching for something, anything that felt right.

“Hello, sir. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

He met the jeweler’s eyes. “I’m looking for an engagement ring.”

“Well, congratulations! We have dozens of—“

Milo wasn’t listening. He just needed something. Something that would fit Bridget’s personality. Something she would awe over. Something she wouldn’t reject. Something that would convince her he’s worth the effort. Something—

“That one.” He pointed to a square-looking diamond with some kind of intricate design in the middle and pointy corners. He didn’t know what he was looking at, but it caught his attention, just like Bridget did all those years ago.

“Ah. The princess cut, for your princess?”

“Princess…” he mumbled, considering. She sure is a princess, in more ways than one. “Yeah. That’s about right.”

Milo walked out of the store that day with a princess-cut diamond ring.

He’s walking now. His legs carry him away from that house, where sunlight is peeking through, and back into the darkness. His mind stays blank, his heart stays heavy, and his drenched clothes weigh him down every step he takes. He shakes as he comes back into his body, the feeling of water sloshing around in his shoes making him cringe in disgust.

The rain pelts down on him even harder than before. The light ringing has disappeared. The coldness infecting his body starts to thaw, and he tries to move his lips. He tries to smile, but they curve downward.

Milo could fall asleep right here on this sidewalk, halfway between heaven and hell.

He’s so warm.