Paranoid

You know that gut instinct you have when you think, no you know something bad is going to happen and you’re all tensed and scared just waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's what I feel constantly. It's the reason why people call me paranoid but I know it’s logical and my circumstances are different. 

For the past year, I’ve been getting this letter in my mailbox, the envelope completely blank but the actual letter is what I find horrific saying “It’s never who you think it is.” Never straying from that exact sentence.

What the hell does that even mean? Who sent it? Who’s it about? I have so many questions and no answers. I know the most logical thing would be to tell someone, I tried going to the police but they said a letter appearing in a mailbox isn’t their “top priority” which I understand, it wasn’t mine until the second letter showed up, then the third, then fourth. 

Honestly, I was pretty shocked at the letter but then after around two weeks of consideration, I decided to just ignore it because it was most likely just a prank or misdelivered or something. That seems the most believable scenario right? I’m not exactly famous or even popular amongst my friends. I have an average life, I wake up, go to work at Festival Kingdom (I work as the assistant manager of marketing), say hi to my friends, do my job then get home. Nothing special. But then they just kept coming exactly a month after one another.

I considered telling my family and friends, anyone but I wasn’t sure who to trust. My parents are nearly as paranoid as me and this will only worry them more than necessary, and the same goes for Andy, my older brother. I’m in this alone.

To be completely honest I was losing my mind after the third letter. I couldn’t sleep at night, I barely ate thinking “What if they put something in my food?” My fear was obvious, it got to the point where my boss pulled me aside to ask if I was okay, I considered telling him but then got suspicious. What if he’s the one sending the letters? How can I be sure? 

Once I got the sixth letter and my majority hysteria passed I decided to try and take matters into my own hands. I bought locks to keep on the fridge and doors, I now carry around a tazer, switchblade, and pepper spray with me wherever I go. I even got that “Bulletin-board-yarn-murder-mystery-thing” set up next to the TV in my living room, “Murder Board” for short. I’ve also begun to realize this new chapter of my life has brought out my dark humour and made it so much darker.

So far everyone besides my parents and Andy are the only ones who aren’t suspects. On the board is 16 people:

• Lisa (Marketing Team 1)
• Connor (Marketing Team 1)
• Sharon (Marketing Team 1)
• Jamie (Marketing Team 1)
• Jennie (Marketing Team 2)
• Sofia (Marketing Team 2)
• Camille (Marketing Team 2)
• Oakley (Marketing Team 2)
• Shane (Boss)
• Rowan (HR)
• Jennifer (HR)
• Kim (Accounting)
• Arnold (Accounting)
• Mack (Accounting)
• Lucy (Accounting)
• Beth (Accounting)

At this very moment, I’m standing, staring at the board considering adding Kathy from the supermarket, she has been extra snippy with me lately, I assumed it was because her boyfriend cheated on her but I can’t be taking any chances. As I’ve stated before I’m not the most exciting person so the people on the board don’t seem to have a need for revenge when it comes to me, but it might just be what they want me to think. The majority of my day is spent at work and even there I don’t talk to many people, sure I can make small talk but I prefer to be in my own space. 

Moving on from Kathy I tense and the reminder of what day it is. Letter day. Around the seventh letter, I thought to put cameras in hopes of seeing the person but they managed to break the cameras without being seen. After the eighth I tried to check for fingerprints but again nothing. The only thing changing throughout this entire situation is my search history.

I go out to the mailbox and silently pray that I’m delusional and the letters were a joke or hallucination, anything else! But of course, as soon as I open the mailbox it’s obvious my prayers weren’t answered. There it is, the bane of my existence, that godforsaken letter. Nothing on the envelope, making it seem as innocent and innocuous as any other letter but from experience I know-

Suddenly a shrill scream echos throughout my entire front lawn, it takes me a minute to realize that I’m the one who shouted, and it’s because of the hand clutching my shoulder.

“Pete? What’s wrong bro? You look like you’re going to have a heart attack.” I turn around my heart still racing and see Eric, my neighbor. How on earth did I forget to add him to the list? He’s possibly the most obvious suspect oh my gods! His and my relationship has always been rocky considering we tend to be passionate about things. He isn’t a bad guy per say but he and I have this similar need to have everything in a certain way and under our control. One of the only things we can agree on is that it’s not OCD, it’s organized. The point is, out of everyone I know he has the most motive to send me the letters! Why the hell did I not add him before? I have no idea.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Tired is all, I got to get going actually. Sorry, bye!” I rush out trying to speed up this interaction as much as possible. I grab all my mail and basically sprint inside my house triple checking that I locked the door. 

I should have known! How could I be so blind? Of course Eric is the one set out to harm me! I knew he meant it when he said that I’ll regret not agreeing to his stupid tulip idea! Is that all my life is worth? 20 tulips? I need to act first! Get the upper hand! What if I break into his house and-

Once again a shrill scream escapes my throat unconsciously. I was too deep into my thoughts I hadn’t even noticed my surroundings, the coffee table is knocked over and I’m currently curled up in fetus position on the floor hyperventilting. How did I get on the floor? When did the coffee table fall?- 

My scrambled thoughts are caught off by the reason for my screaming, my phone ringing. Once I manage to control majority of my nervousness I grab it only to see it’s my brother, Andy. I’ve been ignoring his calls lately due to my fears, I love Andy and we’re really close it’s just that my mind is constantly occupied by my upcoming murder. For some unknown reason I answer the call.

“Hey bud, how’s it going? I know you might be busy with your own life but just text me or something to confirm you’re okay and still breathing, okay?” That’s what does it, I don’t know whether it’s the stress, fear, need for someone to help me or if it’s simply Andy’s caring personality but tears are suddenly flowing down my face as I cry to my brother, my bestfriend, the one who has always been there and taken care of me. I tell him everything, the letters, Eric, the “Murder Board”, weapons, everything. He tells me to lock the doors, keep as many of my weapons with me and he’s on his way. I have never felt more relieved than I do after finishing. I still feel as though I’m going to scream, cry and throw up all at once but there is a sense of calm mixed in there knowing my big brother will help me.

I do exactly as he says and wait silently too scared to make a sound when the door rings. I run up opening it wide ignoring all logic because here he is, my big brother coming to help me fight my demons. Except when I answer the door it’s not Andy, it’s Eric. The first thing I notice is his wide obviously fake, uncomfortable smile plastered on his face, the second thing I notice is that he’s holding a chainsaw. I see it before I feel it, the world begins to spin as I collapse and land on the floor.

As I wake up I begin to notice many differences in my surroundings. It’s me, Eric and Andy who I assume got here while I was passed out, I’m sitting on the floor with my back using the foot of the couch as support. Eric and Andy seem to be screaming at eachother with Andy holding Eric’s chainsaw. 

“For the last time I wasn’t going to kill him!” Eric shouts looking as though he definitely wanted to kill someone at this very moment. I move to stand up and though the action is wobbly I succeed and in doing so gain the attention of the two men as well.

“Pete, you alright bud? He didn’t hurt you?” Still dazed I shake my head swaying a bit, Eric looks as though he’s about the scream again but is cut off by Andy.

“Good, I was worried he beat me to it.” What? Before I can even comprehend his words Andy turns on the chainsaw and swings it at Eric’s head? I’ve hit my breaking point. I’ve lost it. I must be hallucinating? That’s what happens to crazy people right? They hallucinate? 

“What the hell?” Is all I manage to croak out, I couldn’t have seen this right! Hell no! Eric isn’t dead! Andy didn’t kill him! There isn’t blood splattered along my face! Andy then turns to me, for a minute he looks as though he wants to kill me as well, but that flash of emotion is quickly gone as soon as it appeared. Replaced by the calm comforting expression he often uses to soothe me when I get too antsy. Andy walks towards me slowly as though nothing is wrong and in a weird way I feel calmer, my big brother is here to take care of everything. As I look at him he begins to talk but I can’t hear him for some reason, our surroundings start to turn black and by now I’m more scared and confused, I stretch my arms hoping to cling to him for some safety. Before I can reach him though everything goes black once more. The last thing I hear, is my brother, my hero saying:

“Goodbye, little brother.”