Lost Hope

January 20th 2025, Entry 1 

It all happened so fast, all I could grab was my journal and a few pens. Alarms began blaring and dad rushed me mom and David down into a bunker...? I don't know when we got a bunker or why, but it was deep under our house. Its spooky down here. One light source in the center of the room, only 2 mattresses, and the rest of the space is full of cans and jugs of water. I’m not sure how long we’re going to be down here so I figured journaling would be fun, though no one's answering my questions. Dad looks more serious than usual he’s been checking his pocket watch since we got here, mom hasn’t stopped pacing around, and David the deadbeat sat right on a mattress when we got down here. I don’t want to be the only kid down here so hopefully it only lasts a few days.  

January 23rd 2025, Entry 2 

The alarms and sirens from above finally stopped today. They made it hard to sleep but it wasn’t like it was easy to sleep in the first place. The beds were made for a kid half my size and me and mom had to share so it was cramped. I still don’t know why we are down here but it’s looking like it's going to be a little longer than a few days. It smells down here, the hole we potty in is deep but the smell still sneaks up and fills the room with stench, and I’m not a fan of the food I preferred the terrible food we got from the middle school then these cans. I wonder what my friends are doing. I miss them. 

January 28th 2025, Entry 3 

I hear people above, they sound sick and like they need help. Bangs and booms, groaning and wheezing – these sounds echoing through the bunker. But dad says we can't help them. But if they’re outside, why are we trapped in here? Also, David keeps looking at me funny I don’t like it. It ruins our card games.  

February 1st 2025, Entry 4 

I would’ve been such a great weather girl, I was always jealous of the ladies on TV they were so pretty. But I can always guess the weather in the bunker. A high chance of inhaling bodily fumes fallowed by boredom for the entire day, stay safe folks it looks like this has no mention of ending any time soon. No time soon. 

February 3rd 2025, Entry 5 

I got curious. This bunker didn’t just appear. Dad must have built it. And that means he knew something. Knew this was coming. Why didn’t he warn us? 

He has a small leather journal. Keeps it tucked inside his blazer pocket. I know I shouldn’t, but I need to see what’s inside. 

February 7th 2025, Entry 6 

I started bleeding. I didn’t know what to do. I just kept crying and crying. My mom was trying to comfort and explain what was happening, But I thought I was dying. It didn’t help that David kept looking at the stain on my pants, I was so embarrassed I hate him, I hate having to be around him and he won't stop looking at me.  

I wish I could just vanish. 

February 8th 2025, Entry 7 

I stayed up while everyone was sleeping. Dad doesn't sleep with his blazer on so I was able to grab the journal and look through it. 

 None of it made sense though. There were just symbols scribbled all through the journal. But I've seen him writing in it, why draw these symbols? What does it mean? 

 I also think David caught me snooping because when I walked over to his and dads bed, he was shifting around. If he tells I don’t know what dad will do.  

February 10th 2025, Entry 8 

David never said anything about the journal so I think I'm in the clear. I'm becoming direly bored. David sits on his bed all day, mom keeps replaying solitaire, and dad is just checking his watch and journaling. No conversation is killing me. Theres nothing new, no fresh air, and I never know if it's night time or not.  

If this is survival, Is it even worth it? 

February 10th 2025, Entry 9 

I climbed to the top of the ladder to see if I could hear anything. I almost fell down because the ladder was old and the bars shifted. That fall could’ve been really bad. Most of the noises from above had stopped and so it's just been silence. But when I pressed my ear to the hatch, I could feel vibrations. Almost like a buzzing. Like a wasp. 

Theres still a world out there, I think. 

February 12th 2025, Entry 9 

I asked dad about the buzzing since now it’s loud enough to be slightly heard from in the bunker. He of course didn’t answer me but he looked concerned by me asking. I couldn’t take it; he had just stared at the hatch and then gave me his pocket watch. 

February?  

So much has happened, I lost my pens so I couldn’t write anything. It all feels so frozen. Nothing is moving anymore. Nothings the same. My mind has run out of thoughts. The noises above are muffled. The only thing I feel, is my heart bumping in my chest. Dad stopped checking his watch, he no longer writes anymore.  

 I miss showering. My body is so dirty, even though I scrub so much. No matter how hard I try the dirt won’t come off.  

I catch my dad looking at the celling every day now. He’s probably thinking what we both have been thinking this entire time. Is it safe to go up yet? He always looks scared whenever the thought crosses his mind. I can see it. His dread of what's to come. Why won’t he tell me. Is it so terrible? Maybe I should find out for myself, it would be better than being in this casket. 

I'm tired of soup. I'm so tired. 

I want him to hug me. I want a hug so bad. It's been so long since I've been hugged. But I can't. I can't accept his comfort. It’s hurting him to know he can’t help me. A hug from mom would’ve, she gave the best hugs. 

The buzzing's never stopped before. So many continuous days with that buzzing in my ear. Its finally gone. Something changed. I have to take this chance. Dad would try to stop me if he knew, I have to do it now while he's asleep. I know you're reading this now dad. I love you. I wasn’t strong enough, forgive me.