Hate Friends

She doesn't want to meet them again,

She doesn't want to talk to them again,

She doesn't want to love them again,

She doesn't want to help them again,

Because they are her best friends. 

The story of me and my friends, On The very first day of college, I made lots of friends; I found many old friends. I was too frank back then now, I became an introvert, I want to live alone, I don't want any friends, I don't trust people anymore, I'm scared of being hurt.

 Walking in the corridor, headphones on my ears, listening to music just to ignore them. I was not like this before I had too many buddies, but I had too many people around me, they liked me a lot, I loved them too, But Now Everything has changed, They all pretend to be friends, They pretend that they care for me, love me, want me to be happy seems like pretending isn't hard for them, Well this doesn't work in my case, I found it extremely hard I feel like I am dying inside.

I was in the 2nd year of my bachelor's degree when I found out that my dear friends are thinking about me, what they told others about me, what type of rumors they spread about me, and all of them are negative things those things that I have never done before. This is hilarious, isn't it? At first, I didn't care at all about these things I was like "Let them think what they want to, I don't care at all" but as the time passed it annoys me like hell. But still, I pretend that I don't know anything and they are still my friends. 

In this era, people don't know that what is friendship and how to carry on with it, what they know is how to make use of friendship. They don't even know the true meaning of friendship, they don't know how to support each other in their hard times except for supporting what they do, they make things more complicated rather than solving it. They curse you for your success, they feel jealous about your happiness, they pray for you that you get ruined, you fall from your success, who are they? They are my friends and best friend. 

Everyone has a best friend, that one friend who supports you in your bad and good things, Corrects you for your mistakes, makes you laugh, you want to spend your every day with them, however, you share your every single thing with them, I had one too. We laughed together, we ate together, we share every single thing, I supported her in every moment of her life. Whenever she was feeling sad, I made her laugh, gave her my shoulder to cry, hugged her when she felt low, encouraged her, and was so happy that she is my best friend. We were together for almost 3years I was very happy when I first saw her in the seminar of the first year because I know her when I was in class 11th and I felt like finally, I saw a familiar face and then we sat together and talk, we clicked selfies, we ate lunch together we became besties we go to college together. As time passed I start seeing her true colors, she never thought of me as her best friend she betrayed me as everyone did to me she didn't even care about how I feel if I know that she is the one of them, who spread rumors about me, she broke the trust that I had on her and our friendship. This is insane. I wanted to ask her "Why did you do that? What mistake did I make? How can you betray our friendship?" But I didn't ask her, maybe I don't have the courage or want to hurt her.

Everything has changed I am alone now. Everyone thinks that I am very chill, always smiling, have many friends, never stay alone but I have none. I am depressed, unhappy, want to be alone.

I became a total introvert but everyone thinks that I'm an extrovert. After all, I pretend to be like I was before because I still don't want to hurt them. I'm changed now I don't trust them I don't want them because they want to change the truth into a misunderstanding. They want me to feel guilty, they want me to kneel in front of them and begging for their friendship. They roll their eyes, laugh behind my back, commenting about my style and my behavior. They made me worst Sometimes, I would feel like I should die or leave in this place. They bully me with their thoughts and talks. One day, I even tried to take my life because of them I felt so suffocated, but they don't even realize what are they doing. If I still ask them that who am I to them? The answer they'll give me is, "You are my sweetest friend that I ever had."

I have too many people around but still, I'm afraid to talk to them, I don't want to make new friends because I'm scared of them I'm scared of being hurt, I don't want to cry in the middle of the night under my blanket, I don't want to wet my pillow with my tears for such type of people who never think for my welfare.

Nowadays, I am enjoying being an introvert, I stay in my room, I watch Netflix the whole day, I explore myself and I even found my hidden talents like writing that I am doing now, dancing, singing Kpop music, knitting. I have some good people who motivate me, encourage me, they support me as no one did before. They are very precious to me and I don't want to lose them. They made me believe that friendship still exists and many good things are waiting for me. 

I'm crossing my dark desert alone I want to meet my destiny by myself whether it is frozen or burning, I can do it, I can find my light of hope and success. I like being an introvert because it made me happy, It made me what I am and I can't pretend anymore. As I said before," I can find my light from the dark". 

This is my story of an extrovert girl who became an introvert.