2 comments

Suspense Speculative Thriller

Once there was a girl in our town tall, young, and lovely named Maria. Everyone was head over heels for the gal. Every head turns whenever she is in town. Strange thing is she only walks at night usually around 10 in the evening. While every man in town head turns, girls are not very happy about it. She is always wearing red and be with a different man every night she is out and always bring the lucky guy in her place. Many woman calls her a succubus, Lilith, harlot and such foul words, feeling envy I supposed. There was nothing unusual at first then something happened. A man named Jonathan was one of the lucky guy who she is with on March 3rd. Jonathan was a married man with three kids living happily with his wife Catherine. It was said that Catherine was caught having an affair thus prompting Jonathan to leave Catherine. Some witness I've heard told me that Jonathan was talking to Maria at a bar. Everyone was envious at the lucky guy then it began. On March 5th Sunday afternoon the body of our lucky guy Jonathan was found beheaded. It was all around the town that day and pointing Maria to be the culprit behind it. Well it was not that farfetched to conclude that Maria was behind of it but most of the girls was the one who was spreading rumours about her. Even Maria stopped roaming the town for almost a week which made her even more suspicious. Still regarding about what happened eventually Maria returned on March 12 same time around ten in the evening. The men in the town was not dissuaded by the rumours and still pretty much head over heels for Maria, I mean I cant blame them if you could only see Maria you would probably be too regardless if you're married or not. For context Maria is blonde with a perfect body what I mean perfect is that it looks like a body of a goddess. A faced looked like the famous celebrity Scarlett Johansson and an aura that sucks your every attention whenever she walks past you, she also flirts with almost everyone in town whether your a nerd, loser, and ugly as long as your a man. A story was also said that once there was a gay man named Roberto and was challenged by her friends to go to Maria and after he went back he became straight. I kid you not its real and every gay in the town that went with Maria became straight right after they returned. That's why she was dubbed as the " Red Succubus" in town. Oh I was sidetracked I apologize, regarding about the murder of Jonathan the police was still investigating about it. The strange event was after Maria went back a yet another "lucky guy" named Richard went with Maria to her place, by the way Maria lives in the top of the mountain so it makes her a little bit creepy I supposed but hey I would still went with her if I had a chance. Richard went home fine that morning and was seen alive but as he walks crossed the road at Marlboro St. a truck hit him and he died. Now this time it seemed whoever Maria sleeps with was struck by a bad omen. This incident sparks the rumour again and thus this time many men feared Maria. Richard was a rich man who came from a wealthy known family. The mob during this time influenced the family to conduct investigation against Maria. When the police went to her place she was not seen which leads to many speculations. A week goes by an there she goes again same time. During this week the police stopped chasing her due to the claims being too farfetched with the idea that Maria is a demon as they call her and closed the case of Richard as an accident which the Santos family was not happy with. Another night another man named Joey. Joey was well known as a guy with a serious drug addiction. It was stated that Joey was last seen on Tuesday March 21st having a chat and drink with Maria and went to the creepy mountain place of hers. The body of Joey was found the other day with 23 stabs in the body. Now this time everyone was convinced that Maria is a demon. Maria went back immediately that night at the town same night and the mob went crazy. The mob of angry men and women captured her and tortured her they beat her up to the point of death. Now I was at this time afraid also of Maria not going to lie. A series of unfortunate events happens to whoever sleeps with her is so eerie.

I didn't participate in the mob but many did poor Maria. The once beautiful face was now unrecognizable. A man stopped the mob named Kent and helped Maria to escaped with his car. For some unknown reason they went straight to the mountain to Maria`s place and the rest of the mob chased after them. As soon as they arrived Maria was in her place surrounded by the mob as she pleads for her life. The mob leader a woman named "Rose" the sister of Richard shouted "burn the witch". The mob starts putting the house on fire a cheer as the house is burning. As for Kent for helping Maria he was beaten to death. After the place was burned two corpses was found a child and Maria. The town seems to think they did the right thing and went on like nothing happened. Upon investigating the deaths by the police. The truth was uncovered the town sheriff Marshall caught the culprit behind the beheading of Jonathan it was none other than her wife Catherine who confesses about the crime. As for Richard it was a gang strike against the Santos family by other well known family Gonzales who retaliates since Richard harass their young daughter. For Joey upon further investigation Kent the one who helped Maria recorded the attempted murder of the Maria`s life by none other than Joey. Joey was so sadistic that Maria defended herself by the help of Kent. There was even a footage about the innocence of Maria about Joey`s murder it was an act of self defense. Unfortunately Maria was no demon nor cursed she was just a prostitute trying to make a living to sustain her child which end up killed. The worst part is not every single one of the mob who participated in the said event was owning their actions to this day they consider Maria " the girl in the red dress" or " Red Succubus".


December 03, 2020 13:01

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

2 comments

- Gbjockey -
13:18 Dec 10, 2020

Wow, this sent chills down my spine! One thing I found was that you had a lot of run on sentences in your story. Also, I find the "turning men straight" was very unrealistic. Congrats on your first story!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Conor Thackray
11:19 Dec 10, 2020

The brief called for a twist, which you delivered, but it seemed forced. Try to show the reader rather than tell them what is happening in the story. There is room for a lot of improvement in terms of sentence structure, grammar and using the correct tense. I also found the part where your character supposedly began "turning men straight", extremely uncomfortable and unrealistic. Just something to be more concious of next time. Congratulations on posting your first story!

Reply

Show 0 replies

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.