Blinded

Philip was enjoying his beach time. “This is great!” he thought to himself. The sun shining down on him. He was industriously putting sand into his bucket. Having the right amount of water in the sand was important. He was looking forward to having the best sandcastle that day. His dad even got him different buckets for making different sizes and shapes. Alec, the other boy, always teased Philip and tried to make him feel bad, even though Alec had things Philip didn’t have. Alec was always showing off his new toys to the other kids. Philip didn’t mind, though. For some reason, the other kids always ended up playing with him. “You can do anything, just put in some work,” his father had told him.

The tide was coming in now. The time where boys could silently judge each other’s creations had come. Before the rising water would reward every boy’s hard work by returning it to flat, unremarkable sand. Suddenly, pain and blindness took over Philip! “Ahhhhh! Mommy!” he yelled out. He could tell it was sand. Then his mind registered the fact his sandcastle was made of sand. He knew it! Even blinded, he knew Alec had come over to destroy his sandcastle. Jealous at his amazing and awesome work of art! Righteous anger filled him as he continued to clear his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he heard a voice that was like his mom, but different. Philip could feel cool water being poured into his eyes.

“Oh, it’s alright,” he recognized his mother’s voice now. Why was she so calm? He had been attacked! “These things happen with young ones.” His mother continued. “I’m sure she just wanted to play with him. I noticed she was trying to play with him all day, but he was so focused on his sandcastle.” When his eyes cleared, the first thing he saw was a girl looking back at him. Eyes wide, she was barely shorter than him, with hair almost like his, but kind of red.

“Kate, you apologize to him right this instant!” the other big lady said, glaring at the girl.

“Sowee.” he heard her say, still staring at him.

Philip said nothing. His mind went blank. Forgotten was the sandcastle or even the sand in his eyes. He just stood there. Looking at the other small person in front of him.

She turned her head, still looking at him, and smiled.

“See? He’s fine,” said his mother to the other tall lady. “She was just trying to have some fun. Mine is five. How old is yours?”

“What a coincidence, in a couple of months, she also turns five,” said the girl’s mother. “It’s all fun and games until someone has sand in their eye.” The two mothers laughed.

***

“He should have passed it to you,” Kate said to Philip as they made their way home. The sun was setting, making Kate’s strawberry blond hair look like a halo around her head.

“But then that would mean I get a chance at the winning shot,” said Philip. “He would rather we lose than give me any chance to shine. Alec is such a prick.”

“What’s with that? For as long as I’ve known you, he just seems to hate you.”

“I don’t know. I mean, if I was a rich kid, I would fill my days hating on some average dude like me too,” said Philip sarcastically.

“He’s not that bad, you know.” She said to him.

“Well, of course you’d say that. He has the biggest crush on you, so he’s never a prick to you.” Philip and Kate were silent a while, letting the sound of their footsteps count down space until they would have to split up, going down different streets. “Did he ask you to prom yet?” Philip tried to tease but just ended up being awkward.

“Are you fishing for info Philip?” Kate said, being more successful at mocking him.

“No!” he said a little too fast. “I mean, I kind of already figured we would go together, right?” The sound of footsteps became less audible as Philip realized Kate was no longer walking with him. He looked back, and he knew he messed up. The sunset in the background made the angry face of Kate look even worse.

“So, I was just supposed to go with you?” she said in that tone that confirmed he did indeed mess up.

“I mean — I just thought —” Philip’s mind scrambled to find something coherent to say. Before he knew it, he saw Kate walking away.

Later that night, he called Kate. Not knowing exactly what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to talk to her. The idea of her possibly going to the prom with Alec mess with his head. He said something stupid, he thought, even though he didn’t know what.

“Just apologize, say you were wrong, and you were being stupid.” Was the pearl of wisdom his father had given him, “right dear?” looking at his mother, who had a grin forming on her face.

He had been right, of course. On the night of the prom, Philip was picking up Kate. He suddenly remembered that feeling he had all those years ago. Like a boy who couldn’t help but stare at the pretty girl in front of him. Wearing a sapphire blue dress that fit like a second skin. Philip thought to himself, “It’s all fun and games, until you’re in love with your best friend.”

***

“We’re going to be stuck in line now.” Philip said with building frustration.

“You know, only kids worry this much about Disneyland,” Kate said.

“It’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ll still be able to get on all the rides and maybe even get a couple of pictures with the hot Disney princesses.”

Philip turned and gave Kate a certain look. She braced herself. She dreaded what was coming.

“No please! I’m sorry!” she screamed as she did a combination of a jump and attempt to curl into a ball with her hands out to fend off his coming attack.

He reached her in an instant. He took her to the ground, easily pinning both her hands with one of his. And tickled Kate’s side relentlessly, making her buck and laugh uncontrollably.

“OKAY!” she yelled out. Taking in gasps of air in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

The car ride to Disneyland is supposed to be filled with anticipation of all the fun you're going to have. Philip was anxious for a different reason. It was the same reason he was making such a big deal about getting to the park earlier in the day. He wanted to get there before there were too many people. That ship had sailed, however.

Kate was in the passenger seat, feet on the dash, passed out. Philip envied her. Just sitting there without a care in the world. Philip, on the other hand, couldn’t help but feel the miles on the road counting down until they got to the park. What was really bothering him was the little box that he could feel his backpack. A little box that held the ring he would use to propose to Kate.

They heard clapping and cheers as they got to the area in front of the castle. Someone had just proposed to his future wife, both future bride and groom, smiling at each other, with their friends taking videos and pictures on their phones.

“With that look on your face, you’d think you were gonna try the same thing,” said Kate. “But that’s like super predictable, you know?”

“Yeah…” said Philip playing off the feeling it sucked to lose the opportunity he planned for. “Let's go check out the Harry Potter area.”

That night, fireworks danced in the sky. It was an awesome end to a great day. It was kind of rough in the beginning, what with getting to the park late and losing his chance to propose to Kate. But, like always, being with her eased him. She had this way of making him feel like it was always going to be okay. He didn’t realize he was staring at her until she said something.

“The fireworks are up there,” she admonished him with a grin, not taking her eyes from the sky. Her grin betraying the fact that she loved his attention.

Before either of them knew it, he was on one knee, presenting a ring. The diamond sparkled, reflecting the lights of the fireworks above.

“Yes!” she exclaimed, rushing him with her arms out. She put the ring on while letting him hold her from behind. “Took you long enough.” She said with pouted lips. While everyone else was looking at the blossoming lights above, the two could only look at the ring and each other’s eyes. The fireworks lit up the night sky, and in their eyes sparkled the love they had vowed to share forever. “I guess it’s all fun and games until you realize you can’t live without me.”

***

Philip was so glad to be back home, back to his work-from-home workstation. Honeymoons are supposed to be this great time, right? “Well, what the hell?” he thought to himself. What was he thinking? He should have just pushed for the cruise. So much easier. Made so much logistical sense. Honeymoons are supposed to be a fun time. That’s not what Maui was. That “road to Hana” should be renamed to something more truthful. How about, a road to uncertain death by truck around the corner you can’t see? “Don’t even get me started,” he continued his internal dialogue, “on the absolute stubbornness the new wife had shown on wanting a wrangler from the airport to drive around in.” He was going to have to exorcise the demon known as Instagram from her phone if he expected to see retirement.

“Wasn’t it amazing?” Kate asked her husband rhetorically. She knew exactly how he felt about the whole thing. She loved teasing him. “Her husband,” she thought to herself, still giddy at the idea that she and he would be together forever. “Wait until the next trip.” She said, continuing to torture him. As he gave her a flat look, she reminded him of their other activities. "I’d love to show you my appreciation for all that hard work you put in, though.” That caught his attention. She flashed him a “come-get-me” smile. He got up from his desk. He wasn’t going to get any more work done that night. It was all fun after that.

Almost an hour before their alarm, Kate got up from bed. This was the 3rd morning in a row she had done this. Philip could go right back to sleep, so it didn’t bother him much. “And that’s why you should hire our team…” Philip ran a presentation through his mind. Today’s presentation was for a big account, and he was looking forward to possibly getting promoted.

That morning, at breakfast, Kate approached Philip. Despite the exhaustion clear in her sunken eyes, a big smile brightened her weary expression. She was holding something. As Philip took a closer look, he realized he was going to have to ace this presentation. In her hands Kate held a test with 2 stripes on it, and it wasn’t for covid. “It’s all fun and games until we’re pregnant.” She said, smiling at him.

***

“You’re doing a great job for your family”, Philip drawled out to someone that looked oddly like himself, except curved, and on an opaque brown glass bottle. It was probably because of this light-headedness, but he was definitely moving in slow motion. It was a pleasant feeling, a now-familiar warm feeling. He could vaguely recall something. Something about missing his son’s middle school piano recital for the 2nd time this year, or was it 3rd? Why did it hurt so badly to think? “Anyway, you do a great job,” he continued his thought. “You knock out all the presentations and you’re the only one the bosses trust enough to make sure things get done right. Sure, you stay late a couple times a month... actually it may be more than that,” he said, his voice trailing off, as he settled back in his corner office chair.

In his stupor, he thought of a “clever” idea. “I’m going to surprise them by coming home tonight!” On the way home, he decided to pick up flowers from a store near the house. He saw Jan, one of Kate’s friends.

“Special occasion Philip?” Jan asked.

“No, just another night.” Philip replied.

“Oh, I was thinking you had something planned. Kate had canceled book club tonight.”

After exchanging a few more pleasantries, Philip picked out a bouquet of roses and was back in his car. On the drive back, he decided to call his wife.

He was greeted with Kate giggling as she answered, “Hey honey.”

“Hey how’s it going tonight? Is Connor already in bed?” asked Philip. She didn’t answer right away and seemed distracted.

“You need to stop.” She said, directed at someone in the house, continuing to giggle. “Connor is at a friend’s because we have book club tonight. It’s going good. We’re taking a little break from the book right now; Jan is here trying to start a food fight. Can you believe that?”

“Oh well, I was at the store and saw.” Philip almost brake checked the car behind him.

“Baby?” he heard her say. “What was that you saw at the store?” She still sounded distracted. Like her head was tilted away from the phone, causing her mouth to be further away from the receiver.

Philip was acutely aware of how sober he was now. “Just some instant food to microwave in the office. Just wanted to call you guys before going back to work.”

“Oh, ok honey. We’re about to start the next chapter. Have a good night.” She said, the way she giggled indicating she was having a fun time. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard her like that.

A couple minutes later, Philip parked a couple of houses down from his driveway. A driveway that had a car that he thought was familiar but couldn’t recall whose it was off the top of his head. Feeling like he was going crazy for staking out his own house for almost an hour, Philip was about to leave when the front door to his home opened. The light from inside the house creating a silhouette of two people who shared a brief hug before one of them left for the car in the driveway.

Philip ducked slightly as the car passed him. He got a brief look at the driver but that’s all he needed. He could recognize that smug face anywhere. It belonged to someone who teased Philip when they were both young boys. Was the same face that, as a teen, would sacrifice a game if it meant blocking Philip from any spotlight. Alec had always wanted what Philip had.

Philip was making his way to the front door. He remembered thinking that he was going to forgive her. Going to take up his father’s advice all those years ago. Apologize and admit to being stupid and for allowing the distance that grew between them. He knew he was mostly to blame for what was happening now. Knew it was his job to make it right.

When he met his wife out in the hallway, she was wearing black and red lingerie. Kate’s eyes, behind messy strawberry blonde curls, went wide in surprise. “I was — getting ready for you…” she trailed off as she saw Philip’s expression grow dark, his eyes going blank, not believing her deception. “It was just a little innocent flirting baby, just a little fun, nothing happened!” She began. Silence. “You know, this is your fault.” She accused.

Philip wasn’t listening, however. He went back to being that little boy all those years ago. Suddenly being blinded by the girl in front of him now. He saw the same girl that had smiled at him. The smile that belonged to him through it all. Prom, marriage, finding out she was pregnant with Connor. The smile he imagined her give to that prick, Alec. It was all he could hear now. Her laughter with Alec, the lie she tried to feed him. Caused a break in his heart that caused everything to blur and fade away. Blind and deaf, the only sense he vaguely had was that of touch. His hands gripping the handle of something cold, hard, and metallic. His index finger resting on a lightly curved trigger.

It all happened so quickly. Kate was vaguely aware of the two men trying to speak to her, red and blue lights flashing from the front of the house. The tone of the officer sounded like he had repeated his question many times. “Did he say anything before he turned the gun on himself?”

She found it in herself to answer the question with a low mutter. “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”