I Belong Here.

It was Sunday morning, birds were chirping. I had just returned to the town after my trip. I stood still, looking at the sky and wondering if I even belong here?

“Hey, idiot! Can you move aside? I almost tripped over your suitcase.” screamed a guy who was passing by my side. 

“I am so sorry, I lost my way.” ( I said while standing right in front of my ‘house’, flat technically.) 

“Okay, google it on the side of the road, not in the middle. You will lose your life too.” Said the man and went ahead. 

This incident took me back to my memory of the trip to the village, Supi.

I never planned to visit the village but god bless my poor internet connectivity when I lost my way to my planned trip to the city. I was standing in the middle of the road, lost and scared, this was supposed to be my first solo “Oh! I got this.” the kind of trip, losing my way wasn’t how I planned this independent solo trip. In the midst of these thoughts, I heard a voice. 

“Are you lost, Di? Can I help you? People usually don’t stand here in the middle of the road unless they have lost their way.” Said the boy wearing a white shirt, with blue shorts. On his cycle. 

“Oh, yes! I think I have lost my way. I am actually supposed to be at Nainital City, at Hotel therasu, is that anywhere near? I asked, adjusting my scarf trying to cover my head to prevent my head from the heat.

“I am afraid not di, the city is almost 80 km from here. I think you got off the bus some stops before. You can go to the bus depot which is comparatively near and ask them for the next bus.”

“Oh, great! Thank you. Will I get any auto-rickshaw from here only to reach the bus depot.?” I asked, hoping for a yes. 

“Auto Rickshaw? You might have to walk di. Or you can take my bicycle. I can come walking and collect the cycle.” replied the boy. 

“Why is this stranger boy so helpful to me? Definitely need money.” were my instant thoughts. Not proud, but those were my thoughts. I refused the bicycle and walked to the depot. Only to realize that there was no bus available for the next five days and that’s how I ended up staying where I never thought I would. That village, that home, Supi. 

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard another angry car honk on the road. I picked up my suitcase and headed my way to the flat, unlocked the door, and stepped inside. I walked towards my room, opened the curtains in the hope of some bright sunlight, the sunlight was falling in the room but I couldn’t feel the heat of the light. The doorbell rang, I wasn’t expecting anyone, it was Tresee, my best friend. 

“Rachellllll!!” she screamed excitedly, “ and you are back, I want to know everything about the trip. You sounded so happy on the call. I need to know every tiny detail of your first ever solo trip. I have got pizza, chips and all the energy for all gossips.” she said excitedly. 

“Okay, Tress! Let me just have a bath. It won’t take long.” I replied to her and went to the bathroom. 

I turned on the shower and felt the water running over my body at a perfect temperature. Having a bath under ‘perfect’ temperature water was something that felt different. A week back I used to walk 20 mins daily to get water for a bath, those early morning ‘walks’ were a necessity for me and all women in the village to collect the water for bath and other purposes. The walks with them gave some untold stories. 

I finished my bath, dried myself with the towel. I stepped out and sat on the bed with Tresee. We started eating, taking our slices of pizza, and started chatting. 

“So, how did you landed up at Supi in the first place?” Tressee asked this perplexed. 

“ I just ended up getting down some stops before the designated one. It was my first solo trip and I was making sure that I was independent and I did not confirm with anyone before I got down from the bus. I know I sound really stupid here.” I replied. 

“Oh, yes! You do sound stupid. This sounds stupider than dating your toxic ex-boyfriend.” Tresse giggled while taking a sip of the drink, “Okay, sorry. I was just messing. But why didn’t you take the next bus to the city, dude?” Tresee asked. 

“There was no bus available for the next 5 days due to some strike, and after those five days, I didn’t want to leave that place. It felt like I belonged there only.” I replied, looking down at my hands, twirling and twisting the ring in my finger. 

“Does this ring make you feel that you belong there?” Tresee asked softly. 

I stammered, and asked “What?” 

“You didn’t have this ring before you left for the trip, Rach!.” Tresee replied holding my hands. 

“Oh! Yes, this was a gift from one of the ladies from the village. This quilling they did from green silk thread, and this bead right in the center, that is from her own old dress. Isn’t that sweet? I mean I got a gift for literally just for being a surprise guest.” I said, smiling and looking at the ring. “The ladies of that village create all these fancy jewelry, and then, sell them at the wholesale rate to the city. It surprises me that they create all these pretty graceful jewelry for the “modern” people of the city, but can not afford the same for themselves. What I always thought would be a priority of a woman is nothing but just a privilege” I continued. “Our privilege to hide our insecurities under the layers of accessories,” I said looking up at Tresee. 

“You left this place as a girl who just wanted to escape her monotonous life and a bad break up, you didn’t return as an escapist, though.” Tresee replied smiling, “Here, take my slice of pizza. I like this new Rachel. I just gave you my food, you better realize that I really like the new you.” Tresee said, giving me the slice of pizza. 

“I know, you do. Thanks for the slice.” I replied, smiling. 

“Anyway, you do remember you have a presentation tomorrow? That was the only reason you got to leave for so long. I hope you have some ideas to pitch for this fashion school we are planning to open. All those in a fashion never goes out of fashion, I mean work here, this sounded funny in my head.” Tresse said, winking. 

“Haha! Yes Tresse, my presentation is ready.” I replied. 

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow hon, you take good care of yourself.” Tresse replied. 

“See you tomorrow. Take care.” I said, hugging her. 

After Tresse left, I started unpacking my stuff. Trying and arranging stuff to make myself feel at home. I was just fitting clothes to my closet when my hand reached out to this white cotton cloth scarf in my bag, it had a painting of leaf at the bottom, marked with a signature which read “Love, Meera.”. I had a flashback of how this scarf reached me in the first place. 

I was just sitting under the shadow of a tree, covering my head from the heat. Waiting for the sunset so that I can start my search for a place to stay. I heard giggling of girls who were heading on the farm across the road in their colored traditional dresses. Something urged me to talk to these girls, I just walked towards them and tried to have a conversation. 

“Hey, girls!” I said, excitedly

I saw a feeling of discomfort in them, the giggles faded. They stepped back, there was silence. I realized I made them awkward and now I was myself in an awkward position, I should definitely just run. I didn’t though. 

“My name is Rachel, and I have clearly lost my way.” I said, hoping this would be the icebreaker. 

They giggled and some conversation finally happened, 

“Hello. Where do you have to go?” one of them asked. 

“Well, I have to find a place here to stay.” I replied,

“Okay, where will you stay? You have a relative?” another asked

“No, I do not have a relative. I got down at the wrong stop, I had to go to the city and now no bus is available for the next 5 days so I have to find a place here to stay.” I replied, hesitantly. 

“Okay” the girl replied. 

I could sense she called me stupid in her head, I definitely felt stupid. 

“What are you girls doing here on the farm.?” I asked them, hopefully interrupting their thoughts of judging me stupid. 

“We are here for work.” one of them replied 

“Work?” I asked, perplexed. “What work on this farm?” 

“It’s a cotton farm di, we are here to harvest the cotton” said the girl

I looked around to find myself standing in the middle of the cotton farm, realizing how ignorant I have always been about observing what is around me. 

“So, for what purpose are you exactly harvesting cotton?” I asked. 

“Our mother takes cotton fabrics to the city, we are helping her. Since there is a strike our mother won’t be able to go to the city for the next few days, so we are just trying to harvest as much cotton as possible so that she can take that to the city once the strike is over.” replied the girl.

“Why do you have to do the harvesting in so much heat? Why can’t you do it in the evening?” I asked, oblivious about anything about farms and harvesting. 

“Cotton is tolerant to high temperatures, but it can set and mature a respectable yield only when water is available to cool it, we need to make sure it yields properly.” one of the girls replied. 

I stood there numb, I removed my ‘cotton’ stole from my head that I was using to prevent myself from the scorching heat. The cotton cloth that was preventing me from the heat, comes from the sweat of these girls. 

“Can I give you a hand in the harvesting?” I asked. 

“Sure.” replied one of the girls, smiling. 

After we were done with the work, they actually, I hardly moved. These girls asked me if I would like to go along with them to go to their house, I had absolutely no reason to refuse. We all headed to their house. The way to their house was beautiful, we crossed multiple lakes where I saw a group of fishermen with the net to catch the fish. The color green of the trees never looked that green to me before. Strangely, I felt very free while walking down those lanes, there was a very light feeling in my heart. I am not sure if it was because I was finally going to have a shelter for a while, or was it just some peace in me. I let that feeling be there, and lived the moment (walk) before that would have ended. 

“So, do you just hand over the cotton and your work end there?” I asked while heading our ways to the house. 

“After cultivating and harvesting. The cotton then goes under the preparatory process which includes, ginning, preparation of yarn, combing. Followed by spinning, knitting, finishing with all beautiful and colorful textures and then is finally sent to market.” replied one of the girl, super excitedly 

“Wow, you little one. What is your good name? Did you learn all this in school?” I asked. 

“My name is Meera. No, I did not learn this in school. I don’t go to school, none of us goes to school. The nearest school is 25 km, we can not afford to go to school. I learned this from the factory where my mother goes, I sometimes accompany her. I like to see how my little plants turn in a beautiful piece of cloth. I want to create all those beautiful clothes for my sisters and mother. One day I will make all beautiful and colorful clothes.” She replied, with sparkles of hope in her eyes. 

“I am sure you will, will you design for me also?” I asked, smiling at her. 

“Yes, di. I think I can do that.” she replied giggling

We reached home, it was four of them staying together. The three sisters and their mother, their father passed away, took his own life due to the crop failure. I skipped a heartbeat when they told me, but farmers committing suicide wasn’t something uncommon in the area. I was having a hard time accepting that there are areas where suicides are ‘common’. Meera and her mother then gave me water, we cooked together and ate. They offered me to stay with them until I could find the next bus. I never took the next bus to the city ahead. They gave me a home to stay, home to feel! Meera was really excited ever since she found out that I was involved in the line of fashion, we used to exchange our knowledge about fashion. She used to tell her experience from the field, I used to tell her about experiences from the, well, books, and internet. On the day I was leaving, she called out before I headed to the bus stop. 

“Di, wait! Here, keep this scarf. I have written my name, consider it as an autograph from the future stylist.” she said, giving me the scarf. 

“Thank you so much, Meera.” I said, hugging her. 

Tears dripping down my face interrupted my flashback. 

I unpacked and went to sleep. 

The next day I woke up, got ready, and headed my way to the office. Continuously trying to catch a sign of the sun hiding behind the buildings of the city. This was for the first time in many years that I felt tired sitting in the car, I felt suffocated with the open windows of the car. I missed the air of Supi. 

I reached the office and concluded my presentation. 

“So, I want to pitch the idea that we can take our skill development program of fashion to these villages. With enough funds that we have, instead of opening up a school in the city, we can open one in the village. Open this opportunity to these women who are making fashion possible in the first place. We educate and create more employment opportunities for them. We need to recreate and evolve the fashion statements, this could be one, from farms to fashion.”

“Oh, god! Rachel, are you seriously saying that we open up the school in the village? Honey, we are not social workers, we are a leading company in fashion, the school needs to be for people who understand fashion, who are meant for fashion. These girls from the village are not meant for fashion. They don’t have a personality and body type for it. And how do you even trust these people they might just I don’t know do something stupid” Said my head of department, furiously. 

“Personality? Body type? Since when fashion started getting limited to these boundaries, Vanisa? Who defines these definitions? We? Who just sits here in our fancy offices, wearing layers of these clothes to shed and clean our sweats, ignoring on whose sweats these clothes are made? We need to come out of our privileged definitions we have given to everything around us.If you can trust them enough to produce the very base of the cloth, I can trust them to add some colors to it” I replied. Furiously. 

“You are just being too emotional, Rach! maybe you should just….” 

“Quit” I interrupted Vanisa.

“What?” asked Vanisa. 

“I quit, Vanisa. You take your fashion to perfect personalities. I’ll take it to farms.” I replied and left. 

I rushed home. I packed my stuff, which I should have never unpacked, and booked myself a ticket. I left a message to Tresse. 

“Tress! I am leaving, not sure when I’ll be back but soon. I love you. Lots of love, take care.” I texted. 

“But where are you going?” she sent a message. 

“To where I belong, Supi.” I texted back. 

“Where you lost your way once, is your way today. Take care, Rach! See you soon. Lots of love.” She texted back. 

It indeed is my way.