A Man of Culture

This story contains themes of sexual violence and racism

Thomas regarded himself as a man. The world regarded him as a man. He was a man. He was strong, but not too strong. He was handsome but with gentle eyes. He was driven and dominant, but never domineering. Thomas was a man. Why did he think about that so much now? He had always been a man. He had never struggled with his identity. But now, in his late 30s, it was on his mind more than ever.

Thomas had been a content creator since the early days of YouTube. He had initially gained fame and recognition for some fun skits that he had done with his friends. Impressions, jokes, and stories about what it was like to be a boy.

Thomas’s family had always regarded him as a sensitive young man. His mother often praised him for it, but his father struggled to understand or even acknowledge Thomas's need to create videos. His father had told him I don’t think it’s right for boys to make their feelings so public. His father tolerated the production of these films at the behest of mother, but was adamant that they be shown to no one.

Thomas was a heady young boy with a desire to show himself to the world so he had a genius plan. His parents didn’t understand what the internet was yet, nor did they know about a platform called YouTube. Thomas did. Thomas asked his mother if he could borrow the video camera again but instead of recording anything, he uploaded the videos to YouTube. He had some friends who had done similar things but with an army man video. Thomas was ecstatic to see what they thought.

Thomas was devastated to find that not only did his friends think that his videos were lame, they said the same things that his dad did. Why do you talk so much about your feelings? Your video was really gay, no one wants to see a love story. I bet you fuck that doll don’t you!

Thomas deleted the video and threw away the doll the next day. He couldn’t shake the desire to fit in, nor could he shake the desire to be seen, so Thomas tried again, this time with an army theme. He had seen one of his friends had a pin-up of some fancy model, so he put it up in the back of his video. He’d noticed the videos the other boys liked had some pin-ups in the back.

This time the boys LOVED his video. That babe in the back is so hot. Who was that Asian kid in your video? That was soooo fucking funny. And when you shot him the way rice came out instead of blood! Hilarious.

Thomas was delighted at the turn in his popularity. He had always been a sensitive boy who had never quite fit in. He had been a tentative friend with some of the boys and girls, but as he got older, no one really knew what to do with him. Now he was able to use that sensitivity to understand what he wanted and what other people wanted and give it to them. It felt AMAZING.

At one point, Thomas’s dad had even caught Thomas uploading a video, but when Thomas showed him the video, his dad paused, then smirked. I thought this would be that emotional crap. Just don’t tell your mom. Thomas would later reflect that it was one of the first times he’d felt his dad’s approval.

He kept making videos and started to hang out with some of the cooler kids in school. For some reason, his friend Daniel, the “Asian kid” in the video, didn’t really like hanging out anymore. Yeah, I just don't think we have the same sense of humor. That didn’t bother Thomas because he had his hands full with his other friends. They started to make more and more videos for each other. One of his friends made a video where he smacked a girl on the ass. He’d gotten grounded for a whole month, but the video was so worth it. Rumor had it that his dad thought the video was really funny and only grounded him to make his wife happy.

That video had really taken off. They had like a 1000 views. Thomas couldn’t believe it. Thomas started putting girls into his videos. He was really surprised to find that girls were excited to be in his videos. He briefly thought that it was strange that they’d want to be in his videos… but he never gave that much thought. He realized they liked feeling pretty. He tried to stay away from the comment sections, but he was happy that everything was going so well.

His mom had grown more distant from him. She said she didn’t like the way he was talking about women or himself. I'm concerned... You are changing. I think this YouTube stuff is going to your head. She asked why he and Daniel never hung out anymore, and was upset when Thomas didn’t really have an answer. She stopped bringing it up, however, when she learned that one of Thomas's new friends was the son of the chief of police. She was rather excited to have them over.

They kept making videos over the years, and through college, they had become household names. It was expected that their videos would clear 6 million views on a bad day.

After college, his friend was publicly outed. Some one he went to highschool with was accusing him of rape. Thomas remembered the incident. Dude, she is totally asking for it. Thomas left the party early but tried to talk about it the next day. What do you mean? She's a nobody, nothing was or is going to happen for her. Don’t be a pussy. Nobody got hurt, sex is natural.

At the time, he had felt angry at his friend and confused. His mom was very upset, but his father didn’t think much of it. Boys will be boys. But Thomas, I'm proud of you. It's not easy to be the man of god in the city of Sodom. His friend got off with a warning since his dad was the chief of police. The chief's wife made sure to talk to all the moms to help smooth things over. In the end, everyone stopped talking about it, which was a relief to Thomas, who could now get back to making his videos.

But now it was being talked about, and there was nothing anyone could do to make it go away. His fans were demanding answers, and Thomas, for the first time in a long time, didn’t know what to give them. They were being unreasonable. They said that anyone who knew of the rape was complicit. He hadn’t done anything. And they weren’t there. People had moved past it. Why was it such a big deal? In the end, Thomas made a video condemning the actions of his friend and saying that there was no way he could have known. He wasn’t sure why, but his mother, who had already been distant to him, barely talked to him after that. I thought… I had hoped… You would handle that differently. I thought you had an opportunity… Never mind.

He very nearly ended up getting a divorce when his wife told him that he needed to get plastic surgery. He had always liked that he looked like his mom. It felt like one of the few things that hadn't changed over the years. It was part of who he used to be before all this. However, his wife made the point that it would hurt her brand if her husband didn’t keep up with modern beauty standards. He was pleased with how it turned out.

He missed his friends, but he knew to reach out to them would be social suicide. He had been so confused about what to do. He felt almost complicit in the sexual misconduct and wanted to say something, but his lawyers warned against it. It could be taken as an admission of wrongdoing. He lost a lot of his fans, but not enough to worry him.

He looked back through his video catalog and came across his videos with Daniel. They were so happy and funny, although he knew they hadn’t aged well. He reached out to Daniel, saying that it would be fun to make a video together again, like the good old days. Thomas expected Daniel to reply right away. People paid a lot of money to appear in Thomas's content. After a few weeks, it seemed like Daniel wasn't going to reply. Fuck that guy. Thomas didn’t need him. Thomas blocked Daniel's accounts.

His son, Archie, was growing up quickly. Thomas was excited to see that Archie had the same flair for the dramatic as his father. As Archie grew up, Thomas quickly corrected Archie's mistake of making overly sentimental things. Thomas just wanted to make sure that Archie was on the right track. There was no point in Archie going through what Thomas had. Thomas, unlike his father, was very involved in Archie’s life and content creation, steering him around obstacles and making sure he didn’t make beginner's mistakes.

Archie was in his early teens now, and their relationship was struggling a bit. Archie didn’t understand what it took to be a success and was insistent on creating things that he liked rather than looking at trends. Thomas figured he’d come around eventually. Thomas didn’t want to encourage this kind of behavior and told Archie that if he wanted help, he’d have to do things his father's way. To Thomas’s surprise, Archie said he wanted to do things on his own. I don’t always want to do what you want to do. Thomas didn’t like Archie’s tone. Thomas was upset, of course, but children need to be governed. He’d figure something out.

Why would Archie not want his help? He gave people what they wanted. He provided for his wife and family. He was a success. He was a man. If Archie didn’t see that Thomas was going to have to buckle down and get a little bit firmer. It would be bad for the family's image if their son created subpar content.