Chained to the Past

We trap our souls in our possessions to remind us of our past. Photos coated in dust line the walls. That moth-eaten jacket that hangs at the back of the wardrobe. They are doomed to sit for eternity because we cling to the memory they instil. We fear losing the item will result in us losing part of our soul. An anchor to the past that doesn’t let us find a new future. 

Stella lay back on her couch running the chain holding her engagement ring through her fingers. She stared at a line of ads on the TV when it flickered before going black. The room fell dark at that same moment when the lights died. Another bloody blackout. Getting to her feet, the smell of burning plastic grew stronger. She peered out the kitchen window. The neighbours have power. A hallway fire alarm rang out an ear-piercing echo. She coughed as the air got thicker with smoke. Looking down the hall, a flame darted from her bedroom. She broke out in a cold sweat as a sharp pain stabbed her chest. Fire! 

Her heart raced as she grabbed her handbag from the kitchen table and bolted for the door. She turned around to see the top-floor windows glowing with flickering shades of orange. A crash inside resulted in flames leaping from the openings. It didn’t take long for the whole house to become a bonfire. Neighbours came running with their phones to their ears. Stella stared back at the flames in disbelief as the fire trucks arrived. 

Jill, her closest neighbour, placed her hand on Stella’s shoulder, “Are you injured?”

Stella dropped her face onto Jill’s shoulder as the tears welled in her eyes. The comforting arms of Jill could not take away the shock of losing everything in an instant. The fire Captain approached, “How many people were in the house?”

“She lived alone,” Jill replied.

My ring! Stella grabbed her necklace, sighing when she felt the cold diamond in her hand. Thank God. Gripping the ring tightly, she stared back at her long-departed husband's keepsakes crumbling to ashes.

A stillness came over the street as the last flames died and most of the trucks left. The flickering lights on the houses were replaced with darkness.  Sitting on Jill’s porch, Stella sipped her glass of cold water when her best friend Sue pulled up on the edge of the tape barricade. She stood with mouth open gazing at the mess that was once a house. 

“Sue, I’m over here.”

Sue rushed to the front steps, “Are you all right? I didn’t believe your message.”

“Yeah, I got out before it went up. But I have lost everything.” She dropped her chin to her chest as the pain returned.

“You can stay with me.” Sue leaned over with a warm hug.

Travelling down the highway Sue asked, “Do you have insurance?”

“Yes, but it can’t replace all my memories,” tears rolled down Stella’s cheeks, “I lived there for nineteen years.” She held up her ring, “This is all I have to remind me of Paul.”

“You still have your memories. No fire can take them.”

The following morning, Stella hung up the phone, the stress of dealing with police, fire inspectors and the insurance agents had drained her energy. She curled up on the couch and turned on the TV. Tell me it will be all right Paul.

***

It had been a week since the fire and Stella had only left the house to go to work. Sue grabbed the TV control and turned it off. “Get up we are going out for a drink.”

After some debate, Sue dragged Stella out to the bar. The dim lighting made hiding in the corner easier for Stella. Sue was off socialising and dancing while Stella stared blankly at people passing her by. Paul didn’t like dancing. He didn’t like bars; the loud music used to give him headaches.

Sue bounced up to the table with a stranger beside her. “Stella, this is Andrew.”  Another bloke walked over, “And this is Harper.” He had a more mature persona. His face was warm and welcoming.

Is she trying to find me a boyfriend? Stella had a second look at Harper. There is something familiar about him. “Hi.” 

“We are getting a drink, what do you want?” Sue asked.

“White wine will do.”

Harper returned alone with a glass of wine. “Can I join you?”

She ran her eyes up his body. His friendly smile accented the sparkle in his warm hazel eyes. She nodded, “Sure. Thanks for the drink.” Taking a sip of her wine, “What do you do?”

“You don’t recognise me. I was the fire Captain at your house fire. We spoke on the street.”

He remembered me. She locked eyes with him for a moment before dropping her gaze. “Everything was dark against the fire.”

“I’m sorry for your loss. It never gets easier attending those jobs.” He took a mouthful of beer, “Do you have somewhere to stay?”

“Sue’s place,” Stella looked across the dance floor to Sue jigging away. “The fire took hold fast. I was lucky to get out when I did.”

“Was your husband away?”

What? Her chest tightened as she pulled back in the seat. “How do you know about my husband?”

“The property description on the incident report said Mr P and Mrs S Wilson,” he straightened his posture, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to pry.”

Taking hold of her ring, she sighed lifting her eyes, “Paul died in a workplace accident seven years ago.”

Harper’s smile vanished as his shoulders dropped, “Oh, I’m sorry.” He glanced away briefly, “I can leave if you want to be alone.”

She reached out placing her hand on his, “No, it’s OK. It’s good to have a friendly face to talk to.”

“Do you want another drink?”

“Water would be good. Thanks.”

Her eyes followed him across the bar. Fireman. That explains the short haircut and those muscly shoulders. Her thoughts returned to the night of the fire, his face and physique partly hidden in that firefighting protective suit. She rolled the ring in her fingers as her nerves grew.

As the night went on, they continued talking and getting to know each other. Sue wandered over and stood at the end of the table looking worse for wear. “It’s time I went home.”

Looking at her phone, “Yeah, it’s getting late. It was nice meeting you, Harper.” Stella held out her hand to say goodbye.

“Do you want to catch up again?” His handshake was warm and gentle.

“I’ll have to check my calendar.”

He handed her his business card, “Call me when you do.”

***

The following morning Stella sat on the patio in a daze staring at her cup of coffee. Sue’s dog would occasionally run past and hit Stella’s leg. Thoughts of her discussions with Harper ran around her head; she reached for her engagement ring. Her feelings for Paul pulled her back to her past, their fun together outdoors hiking, sailing and enjoying his company. Her mind was elsewhere when Sue sat down across from her.

“Wake up.”

“Morning.”

“You seemed to hit it off with Harper. When are you seeing him again?”

Stella looked at the dog running around, “I’m not.”

Sue jolted forward over the table, “Why? He’s a hotty.”

“I’m not ready,” she mumbled.

“It’s been seven years. You could have married and divorced multiple guys in that time.”

“It wouldn’t be fair on Paul.”

“Bull.”

Stella’s face reddened as tears welled in her eyes.  “I lost everything in that fire. All my memories of our life together,” she held up the ring, “He gave me this. I can’t forget what we had together by running off with someone else.”

“Hey. I’m not saying forget Paul. But he wouldn’t want you wallowing in sorrow for the rest of your life. He would want you to get out and enjoy yourself.”

“You didn’t know him.” Stella rose and stormed off into the house.

Laying on her bed still fuming from Sue’s comments, Stella removed her engagement ring from her chain. She went to slide it on her ring finger but it was tight, so she slipped it onto her little finger. Staring up at the ceiling she rotated the stone around her finger. Harper is nice but what if it doesn’t work out with him? He’s a fireman, that is a dangerous job. Holding her hand up the ring lacked lustre. The gold band was scuffed and the stone needed a polish. Its sparkle had gone, like her memories of Paul, they had dulled with time. Her eyes grew heavy as she drifted off to sleep.

Later that night Stella was awoken with a slam of the front door. Pulling her robe tight she staggered into the kitchen for a drink. Sue approached smelling of smoke and alcohol. “Harper asked where you were tonight.”

“He would have found someone else to party with,” Sue filled her glass from the tap before returning to her room.

Stella tossed and turned, her stomach was in knots. She wanted to see Harper again but she didn’t want to forget her past. As the hours ticked by, she removed her chain and ring placed them on the nightstand and rolled over to get some sleep.

The following morning, she grabbed her coffee and went to the deck. Holding up her phone Harper's business card poked out the back of the cover. Pulling it out, she stared at it for a while. Oh, what the hell. She started dialling.

“Hi Harper, it’s Stella. Do you want to catch up for a coffee?”

***

Flicking her hair over her shoulder she paused on the footpath checking her reflection in the café window. Stepping up the counter she scanned the room. Harper rose from a corner table and headed towards her. His dark blue shirt and slacks looked fancy for coffee.  She placed her order as Harper handed his bank card to the attendant. Walking back to the table, she muttered, “I could have paid.”

“You need your money to rebuild.”

“The insurance is satisfied with the fire inspector's findings. They are processing the claim now.”

He slid into the seat across from her, “What did they find?”

“The fire started at a faulty downlight in my ensuite.”

“Downlights. That’s common.”

She shuffled in her seat, “It would have been good to know that before they installed them.”

He reached out his hand, “That’s enough talk about work. How are you travelling?”

“I’m good.”

“I looked for you at the bar last night.”

“I’m not into bars, I would rather get out in nature.”

His face lit up, “I’m going canoeing on the weekend. You’re welcome to come along.”

Go out into the wilderness with someone I barely know. He’s a firefighter, he seems trustworthy. Sue’s words came back, get out and enjoy yourself. I haven’t canoed for years.

“That would be nice. Do you have another canoe?” She looked up as the waiter placed their order on the table.

“Yeah, I have everything you will need.”

The chatter went on for hours when her phone buzzed. “Sue is checking up on me.”

He rose, “I have to get ready for work.” 

“Thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you on the weekend.” 

“I’ll call later,” he reached forward with a friendly hug.

Back home, “I need a shower,” she grabbed her casual clothes and reached up to remove her necklace. Her heart skipped a beat, and she gasped. Where is my ring? Her eyes ran over to the bedside table, the ring and chain sat under the lampshade where she left them last night. I forgot to wear it. Her heart felt heavy as she sat on the side of the bed with the chain in her hand. The fire was a turning point, it is time to move on. I was blessed with Paul’s life but it’s time to let someone else into my life.

***

Up early she was packed ready for a day on the river. Her phone buzzed. A text from Harper. “Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll meet you at your place. I have something to do first.”

The birds were chirping in the trees overhead. A light breeze swept a few hairs across her face. Stella stood over Paul’s grave; she brushed the fallen leaves off his headstone. Placing a fresh bunch of flowers in the vase she stood silent. Do it. She took a deep sigh, crouched down, “It’s time I moved on dear.” Pulling out a trowel from her pocket she unearthed a clod of grass and buried her engagement ring in front of his headstone. Replacing the grass, she muttered a prayer before silently returning to her vehicle.

Pulling into Harper’s driveway, his four-wheel drive was packed. Canoes and paddles were tied to the roof rack. He pulled his front door closed, skipped down the stairs greeting her with a smile and a warm hug. “Ready for a day on the river.”

“Let’s go,” she smiled as he opened the passenger door and placed her backpack on the back seat.

Her mood lifted with the warm sun on her face. Taking a deep breath, the aroma of fresh forest filled the air. I’m going to enjoy today's adventure. The river flowed gently; the ripples sparkled from the sun’s rays. Easing into her canoe, she ran her hand through the water. It’s not too cold. She casually paddled along beside Harper enjoying the wilderness. The odd dead tree needed navigating and rocks broke the flow in places. A small blue kingfisher landed on the front of her canoe looking back at her for a moment before flying off. The sheen on its feathers glowed in the sunlight. She smiled. This is a sign from Paul. He is happy I’m out enjoying herself again.

The weight of the stress she had built up over the last seven years lifted from her shoulders, she turned to Harper, “I’ll race you to the next bend.” She started swinging the paddle as fast as she could. Sprays of water rained down as Harper powered past her swinging around in front of her. Bugger, I’m out of practice. Pushing the paddle to brake, she continued the stroke splashing water over him. 

“Oh, you want to play.” He swung his paddle flicking water back at her. 

A water fight broke out, and Stella took a big swipe of her oar over balancing and flipping her canoe.

“Stella,” he called out beaching his canoe, before diving into the water. She rose beside the canoe, taking a deep breath.  

He rose to the surface in front of her. “Are you OK?” Wiping the water from his eyes, he reached out grabbed the canoe with one hand and took hold of her waist with the other pulling her body closer to his. 

Pushing her hair out of her face, she nodded. That water is refreshing. His head was above the water line looking back at her. Face to face she looked deeply into his eyes. Her pulse raced as she moved closer, closing her eyes as her lips met his.

The moment's warmth was interrupted when her canoe caught the flow and tapped the back of his head. Looking back with a warm smile, Harper swung the canoe closer to the bank, “Let’s get you ashore and have a break.”

Sitting on the bank, arm in arm his touch was as warm as the sun’s rays on her back. The flow in the river was ever-changing bringing new surprises, blink and miss the fish jumping. So many things I have missed in recent years. New memories and experiences didn’t erase the past but added to my life story.

The End