The Last Day

It was the night of the graduation party, the Bolo Dghe, the last day. My ex-girlfriend Emilia was a senior, I was a sophomore. We’d been on and off for nine months until she’d finally had enough of my bullshit and broke it off for good. A couple of weeks before the party I went over to her place after hooking up with Andrew and I mistakenly told her she “was a wayyy better kisser than him.” I had intended it as a compliment. She never kissed me again after that. She didn’t say a word to me at the grad party either though I stared at her the whole time hoping she would. 

The party had to be held outside per COVID regulations. They threw it at the old Soviet park in downtown Tbilisi. Vake Park is the ideal party park. Several tables are scattered throughout and wooden benches with two or three slats missing on their seats. Emilia and I had our first kiss on one of those benches. 

At the grad party, we sat around and drank. Couples paired off and went to the bathroom or behind the bushes. We threw our beer bottles into the fountain and cheered. It wasn’t much different from other Vake parties. At around two AM everyone was ordering their taxis to go home. I was sitting on a bench between Anar and Bel still waiting for Emilia to notice me. She didn’t. I watched her get in her taxi and drive away. Anar and Bel were my dealers at the time. I liked them because they sold me weed. My friends insisted I let them take me home. I insisted I stay. They left me there with my two dealers and Gio and Luka. 

Gio went to the “shitty” international school in Tbilisi. I once heard a story of a student there smearing their feces on a bathroom door. It had been meant to be Luka’s grad party too but he’d been held back, for the second time. He had hooked up with Mariam earlier in the night. Mariam sucked him off. He came all over her black jeans and didn’t apologize. As the guys and I finished the last bottle of vodka, Bel and Anar said, “We go to store, get more drinks, be back shortly.” 

Luka arched his back, leaned down, and whispered, “I heard Gio wants to hook up with you.” 

I strutted to Gio, “Heyyy, you wanna go for a little walk?” I said to him and tucked my hair behind my ear. 

He was built like a toothpick, had a ginger fro, pale as the fucking moon, and loved saying the N-word, but I really wanted to hook up with him. 

He said, “I mean yeah...” 

We walked over to the Soviet park bathroom, a brick box with two planks of wood leaning against the outside wall creating a makeshift tent. We climbed in. I got down on my knees. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick. I reached for it, grabbed it, and put it in my mouth. He stopped me after only a few minutes and told me to lie on my back instead. I assumed it “wasn’t working for him.” I went along with what he wanted. He unzipped my pants and pulled them down with my underwear. I stared at the crease between the plank of wood and the bathroom wall. He kissed my stomach and I twitched. He moved down and grazed his teeth on my inner thigh. Then he started biting. He bit my lips and he bit my clit... Hard! 

I pushed him off me and sprang up. “Who! Literally who?! What girl led you to believe that anyone, literally anyone would find that enjoyable?!” 

“My ex-girlfriend used to love it!” 

He leaned down again! 

I stopped him again, but this time I blurted out, “Listen, it's not you, it’s me, I think I'm gay...” 

We sat quietly on the grass outside the bathroom tent for a little while. Then I started telling him about every guy and girl I’d ever been with, and how I couldn’t seem to make up my mind. I told him about my first time at Kaan’s Halloween party when I was 14 and fucked two guys in the same night. I told him all about Emilia and how I felt like I kept falling in and out of love with her, and how I wished she would have just looked at me that night. I told him how he was the first guy to ever go down on me. 

And after all that he said, “Yeah, I’m homophobic. I just don’t like gay people. Mostly the gay men though you know. But since we’re friends, it’s ok, I suppose.” I looked at him dead in the eyes, smiled at him, and stood up from the grass. I hugged him and said,

"Thanks" 

We walked back to Bel and Anar. Luka was gone. The guys brought back two bottles of vodka. We drank the first bottle quietly. We finished it and Bel randomly asked me if I would let him give me a hickey. 

I said, “Yeah.” 

Then Anar joined in. They both smacked on my neck for a few seconds, until I had big purple bruises on both sides. We passed the second bottle around as we walked out of the park. The sun was rising. It was seven in the morning. Gio mentioned that he didn’t have a place to stay, I had mentioned earlier that I was home alone. I ordered my taxi without telling them. It arrived just in time, and I climbed in. 

At home, I walked straight into the bathroom, took all my clothes off, and curled up naked on the cold ceramic tiles- 

I'm good. I'm just gonna drink some water. I'm gonna drink some water. Because my mouth is so dry. I'm gonna drink some water. And then I'm gonna go to sleep. And I'll be fine. I'll be fine when I wake up in the morning. I'll be fine. I'll be good. Everything's good.